Anti-Establishment Career Advice

My political views are a mix of liberal beliefs combined with contradictions and rounded out with emotional justifications.

I’m just like you.

Here’s how I feel on some key issues.

• I don’t like guns but I support my right to have one. Not yours.
• I don’t believe in the criminalization of prostitution but I think it’s sketchy to pay for sex — and don’t even get me started on how women are treated in cultures where prostitution is legal.
• I am sickened by the war on drugs but I think some drugs are dangerous.

That’s right. Drugs are bad, mmkay.

I can’t write a blog called Punk Rock HR without having an opinion on illicit substances. I’m not particularly concerned with casual drug use. What you do on your own time isn’t an issue for me; however, I have a zero-tolerance approach to drugs in the workplace.

As your employer, I pay you to come to work. I buy your time and your mind. When you’re stoned at the office, you are stupid and you make bad decisions. That’s a fact, stoner. Of course you’d try to deny it.

You wanna get high and come to work? I want to know — Why do you feel so entitled? Why is your existence so much more important than mine? Why do you get to alter your state of consciousness while I have to endure the same nonsense at the office?

I have even less patience for business leaders and managers who are high at work. When I see leaders who are effed up, I wonder — Aren’t you running a company? Don’t you have key decisions to make? Are you some kind of amazing human being who gets stoned and does stuff better?

As a leader, you have an obligation to operate with the best interest of your employees at heart. When you’re high at work, you are jeopardizing the livelihood of your employees and shareholders. (Yes you are.)

Do what you want on your own time. When you’re on my time — or when you are leading an organization — you have an obligation to sober up.

Stoner.

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When someone comes to HR with a sexual harassment issue, it’s usually not sexual harassment. Most people who are sexually harassed are afraid to report it.

As a Human Resources professional, the issues that landed on my desk were a mix of inappropriate and mediocre behaviors, hurt feelings, and workplace bullying. At the core? Poor communication and immature behavior.

When HR gets involved, it’s too late to end well for anyone.

Your organization has an obligation to protect you from violence and bullying. Your organization doesn’t have an obligation to solve your relationship issues. If you decide to sleep with a colleague and it ends badly, you are expected you to clean up your own mess. I’ll listen to your story and empathize, but I won’t tell your co-worker that you’re no longer interested in hooking up with her.

You have the tough conversation. I’ll go get some coffee.

I have all kinds of stories that I’m not allowed to tell. Most of them would make your eyes roll and your head snap. You would slap your forehead. Here are some vague stories. I’ll weigh in with my HR thoughts. You do the same.

1. Two colleagues engage in consensual sex. One colleague wants to end it. The other doesn’t. There are no implicit or explicit threats, but work is stressful because the brokenhearted colleague won’t let it go. Most relationships end because one person wants out. It’s rarely mutual. It will make you sad. I know it feels like a kick in the gut. That’s adulthood. Grow the hell up. I know your feelings are hurt, but you cannot impact the productivity of the office. Also, you’re paid to work. Get it together, bub.
2. Two colleagues are dating one another. A coworker finds out and reports it to Human Resources. Hey, I’m glad they are dating. They are nice people. They deserve happiness. Mind your own business and get back to work.
3. Two colleagues are caught having sex at the office. When I dream of some of the most romantic places on the planet, I dream of Bali or Fiji. You dream of the supply closet? Lame. You deserve to be fired for your lack of imagination.
4. Two colleagues go on business trips and have sex. A coworker finds out and reports it to Human Resources. What am I? The relationship police? If the travel is legitimate, I can’t do anything about it. Also, how do you know they had sex? Were you there? Go back to work and focus on your own job.
5. A salesperson and a client are having consensual sex. A coworker finds out and reports it to Human Resources. Don’t you watch Mad Men? This is sketchy and against the rules, but it happens. I trust the judgment of my staff and my employees. They know the rules. If the situation gets ugly, we’ll deal with it. I am not going to listen to you complain about your lack of sales and accuse your coworkers of sleeping with clients. Furthermore, I’m not about to put a chastity belt on members of my sales department.
6. A boss and an employee have an inappropriate relationship Everyone knows. Even if no one knows, it’s wrong. Wrong. #WRONG. Just wrong. If you are in a position of power, you are not allowed to sleep with your staff. Ever. It’s not fair, healthy, and normal. The relationships might seem okay to you, but it’s not fair to your other employees. When you have power over someone, you cannot have sex with that person. Period.

Those are the situations that come to mind. What have I missed? What did I get wrong?

I always wonder how people are productive at work when they’re focused on sex, relationships, and personal drama. Get to work, chumps. We are in a recession, and work is exactly what you need to help heal a broken heart.

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I don’t work for free. I come from that Harlan Ellison school of work. This is America and we are a society of capitalists. There is no value in publicity. It is a false promise.

When a company or a recruiter tries to convince me otherwise, it’s fraud.

I hear stories on a daily basis from people who are asked to work for free.

Basically, an employer or recruiter asks a candidate to solve a real-world problem or create a product in an attempt to impress future employers. Applicants are told that money is one form of currency, yes, but an opportunity to show your portfolio to decision-makers is another form of currency.

And that’s garbage. It’s un-American. It makes me sick.

The only form of currency your mortgage company accepts is cash. Follow that lead.

Alison Green asked if there are contexts where working for free can pay off.

• If you don’t have any money, you don’t have the luxury to waste time on free work.
• If you feel compelled to do something, complete the request and sell it to the company’s competitor.
• Don’t give up your rights. Use your down-time and complete the work and retain ownership of your IP. Reserve the right to keep the product in your portfolio. When you talk to other employers who actually pay money, use this product as a relevant example of what you could do if you were hired as a full-time employee.

I’m a cynical HR professional and I know one thing: if you’re dumb enough to give me a free work product in a desperate attempt to get a job, you are too dumb to work for my company.

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You’re no Don Draper. It’s hot outside and most guys don’t know how to dress for the heat.

Here are some tips and tricks to help you stay cool & semi-fashionable.

1. Make sure your khaki pants are light & breathable. There’s nothing worse than a guy wearing dark pants and sweating in very inappropriate places.
2. If you have a good pair of summer pants that you like, buy two. We know you’re not a fashion guru. Buy and wear multiple pairs. When you wash your clothes, you degrade the material. Multiple pairs will lengthen the life of your wardrobe. You’ll look fresher and cleaner, too.
3. The same advice can be applied to your shirts. You found a polo at the mall? Buy a few in different colors. Same thing for button-down shirts.
4. Beware logos on golf shirts. If the logo is bigger than a plum, don’t wear the shirt.
5. Pop the collar when you hang your shirt on hangars. It’s the best way I know to avoid that worn-in line.
6. Never wear a short-sleeved shirt and a tie. You aren’t ironic enough to pull it off.
7. It’s time to retire that braided belt. I know, I know. This one is controversial. Your belt feels good and has a summery look. Yeah, summer 1992.
8. No matter how much you think you don’t sweat or smell, you do. Your shirts will hold on to those odors. It’s important to add deodorant and anti-perspiration to your wardrobe. As I mentioned before, I really like WIN laundry detergent.

Summer clothes are notorious for wrinkles. I want you to learn how to iron, but that’s nuts. Who irons in 2010? If you find yourself traveling and you need to iron, wait until the iron heats up before using it. If you try to use the steam setting before the iron is hot enough, the stupid thing will leak.

Wet spots on your clothes? Not fashionable. Ever.

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I’ve collected a whole bunch of stuff to give away.

I have a gift certificate to Ruth’s Chris, a bunch of gift cards to Michael C. Fina, some gift cards from Global Giving (so you can feel like a champ), and a few books laying around my office.

Join my Facebook group because it’s the easiest way to keep this organized and because I want more fans that Dan Schawbel. I’ll pick the winners from the members who are part of my group at 5PM ET.

If you won something fancy, you will be notified via Facebook.

Sound like a plan?

Also, here’s the dude from Office Space doing his impression of Keyboard Cat. I might be over this meme.

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Here’s my narcissistic list of things that I need to cover.

1. I contributed to an ebook called What I Know About Getting a Job. At first, I declined the opportunity. I don’t believe in working for free. Penelope Trunk asked me to reconsider and I decided that my relationship with Penelope trumps cash. This is a good book, and I’m glad she followed up and gave me a second chance to participate.
2. The Evil HR Lady wrote an article called My Boss Sexually Harassed Me After Work. She quoted me and I appreciate it because Jezebel hated my original article.
3. I’m off to BlogHer on August 6-7 to moderate a panel. This will be my fourth conference and I am excited… but I’m more excited to see the Job Track come to fruition. I’m really thankful that BlogHer responded to my suggestions and feedback. So awesome.

I’m just back from SFO and I had a great time with a bunch of wonderful friends. Here’s my obligatory travel-related iMix. Heavy on the 90s because I feel a little retro.

Happy Sunday!

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I think it’s a mistake to implicitly trust that your colleagues and employers are working hard on your behalf. Most people are selfish, and when pushed, will do stupid things to survive.

That being said, life is all about trust. You can’t walk around in a paranoid state. It’s not healthy. At some point, you have to take a leap of faith and hope that you won’t get burned.

Most of us get burned from time-to-time. That’s life. We learn from it.

I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but I fall into the Reagan camp when it comes to colleagues and employers. My favorite phrase is trust but verify.

I also like, “Fool me once, shame on you…”

(That one comes from my gramma.)

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I don’t hate flying, but I hate the modern aviation system and those horrible airplanes.

On my way back to Raleigh, this week, I didn’t score a first class upgrade on the first leg of my journey. I sat in an exit row with two scruffy business consultants/road warriors who were pissed off that they didn’t get the first class upgrade, either.

The row happened to be

• a bulkhead,
• the physical entrance to the plane,
• and right next to the toilet.

The location couldn’t have been less fortunate for a woman who holds her pee on international flights because airplane lavs are so gross. I spent four hours watching every man with a sketchy prostate—and every senior citizen with poor circulation—stand in front of me and use the space to pace, wait for the toilet, and do calisthenics to prevent blood clots.

What ever happened to ‘Sit the hell down and wait for the toilet to be free? No congregating in the galleys and aisles’?

You guys, it was a circus. There was a guy who peed three times. I recognized him by his very ugly and very plaid shorts. I had a pregnant woman doing yoga poses in front of me. There were some weird men who just walked the aisle, stood in front of me in my exit row space, and felt entitled to hang out.

Club fucking Med in Row 19. Bring the drink cart!

I don’t know about you, but I need a break. Air travel is so awful that I can no longer justify the time or expense of travel. I don’t know about you, but my life needs to get virtual in a big way — and fast.

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I hate people who say that staffing and recruiting departments shouldn’t be part of Human Resources.

Human Resources deals with people and people-related issues. That includes hiring.

This is non-negotiable.

Staffing apologists can suck it.

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