Punk Rock Human Resources

Many of you know that I’m a germaphobe.

Hey, some things in life are simple. It’s black & white.

• If there’s a stray hair on the public toilet, I’ll hold my pee.
• If the restaurant menus are covered in grease, I’ll eat elsewhere.
• If the esthetician ‘double-dips’ my waxing strips, I’ll stop the bikini wax before it goes any further.

So it’s no surprise to me that workplace keyboards are gross because I’ve seen dodgy hand-washing and dirty, scummy desks at the office. (I’m not talking about you, per se, unless you’re the woman who leaves the restroom without washing her hands.)

Ugh. The workplace is a bastion of germs and bacteria.

• Your computer keyboard is FIVE TIMES dirtier than your toilet seat - and could even give you ‘qwerty tummy’: A leading consumer group warned that ‘qwerty tummy’, named after the first six letters on a keyboard, could sweep through workplaces after tests on equipment in its own London offices showed alarming results.

I don’t discriminate. I assume everyone is gross, yo. There’s no love lost for the guy from IT who wants to ‘drive’ my computer and fix a problem. I can take direction. Just tell me what to do, dude. There’s no need for you to touch my mouse. I’m immune to my own bugs, buddy, but I’m not immune to yours.

::sigh::

I don’t want your QWERTY tummy disease, Suckers, and you sure as hell don’t want mine.