Dear Laurie,
I am recruiting for a Human Resources Generalist position [that really sucks] on the East Coast [not NYC -- the dumpy part].
If you have a moment, I’d appreciate your help. Please take a look and forward this job [that sucks] on to anyone you think would be interested in the position [because I can't find anyone and I'm not paying a contingent recruiter].
Thanks for your help!
Chumpsky McChump, CIR
Underpaid Corporate Recruiter
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Dear Mr. McChump,
My apologies, but I’m unable to recommend anyone for your craptacular HR job. I took a look at the job description and, really, it’s not good.
I believe that my cat, Scrubby, could do this job in his sleep. He doesn’t have thumbs, but he could whip your HR department into shape; however, I wouldn’t let him accept the offer even if you doubled his current salary. (He’s paid in Tuna Flakes.) The job seems really lame.
I recommend that you take the day off, get some rest, and think about why it’s so tough to hire someone for your HR role in this economic climate.
Respectfully Yours,
Laurie Ruettimann, SPHR
Hello, would it be possible for the some of the work you are recruiting for to be outsourced?
If yes, then kindly contact me via email as we have very a highly skilled pool of graduates ready to work under a Knowledge Process outsourcing arrangement with any US firm at very low rates.
I saw a job posting in my area the other day that said “one of your first projects will be to reduce turnover.” Cause you know turnover lies solely in the hands of HR and HR can just snap their fingers and make it go down.
@Mark ?????
@Rachl You must put ‘magic finger snap’ on your resume. Also add ‘jazz hands’ because those are effective, too.
Cracking up over “jazz hands”
Must update resume…
Do you need jazz hands for the LOA specialist job???
What job do you *not* need jazz hands for?
OMG, Lexy. You are brilliant.