There’s big news around here: it’s Friday and Survivor will be playing the Kalamazoo Ribfest. Oh yeah, baby, that’s right. Eye of the Tiger. It’s kind of scary how the 80s are back in vogue. I don’t have much use for a time in my life when my parents separated, I started third grade at a new school, and my grandmother cut my hair into a horrific Dorothy Hamill wedge. Don’t even get me started about rolling my jeans.
I look back on most of the 80s and cringe, but I did learn a few lessons that I would like to share.
Lesson #1
- You can’t argue with crazy.
It’s tough to persuade the average person to abandon his point-of-view and accept your ideas — now go ahead and try it with an unemployed hypochondriac who drinks fifteen cups of coffee, each day, and thinks that the government is tapping his phone. See how far you get with someone who stays awake all night listening to AM radio and believes that Barack Obama is a black-power Muslim.
You have that person in your family, too, and you know that you can’t argue with him. He’s totes crazy.
The same rule of thumb applies to people at work who are clearly weird. That guy who always reads fringe political newspapers and mutters paranoid statements about the government? The woman who leaves religious materials in the bathroom? The secretary who insists on telling you to have a blessed day even though you’re Jewish and she doesn’t like the Jews?
Hey, what did I tell you? You can’t argue with crazy. Dismiss the insanity & dysfunction, and choose to move forward with your life. Spend your time & energies on easier goals — like solving the Mideast Peace Crisis. Schedule a session at Camp David with you & Jimmy Carter & Condi Rice. Go for it.
Lesson #2
- Litigation is the refuge of stupid people.
Try to pass tort reform. I dare you. Your legal reforms are useless against stupid people who can’t hold a job but have easy access to Web MD. If you’re like me, you grew up with a relative who attended Thanksgiving dinner at your grandmother’s house, drank too much beer, and told stories about suing Sears because his Kenmore refrigerator was broken.
You naively asked, “Why don’t you call a repairman?”
He told you, “Repairmen are for suckers. I got a lawyer.”
Uh, okay, I know this isn’t just my family — and I know that tort reform won’t stop these people from hiring lawyers and making an effort to acquire money for nuthin. These relatives don’t have sore wrists; they have carpal tunnel syndrome. They don’t have allergies or a cold; they have mesothelioma. These are the relatives who are fired for performance-related reasons, yet they have the balls to sue their employer for creating hostile work environment.
- IT’S NOT A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT BECAUSE THEY ASK YOU TO COME TO WORK ON TIME.
So much time and effort is spent on creating alternative paths to litigation, but I would argue that tort reform hurts employees and consumers who have serious & valid claims to make against negligent companies. Instead of tort reform, I’m an advocate of teaching our leadership teams (& our family members) to apologize for mistakes before the shit escalates beyond control. Businesses & hospitals have proactively applied the art of the apology to avoid litigation, and I think it makes a tremendous amount of sense to create an accountability and ownership society — and teach our leaders, employers, and children what it means to be accountable and responsible — and then empower our judges to throw out frivolous lawsuits before they make it to trial.
UPDATED: Video courtesy of Jay Morrissey!
I had a Dorothy Hamill haircut for 4 years solid. Then I hit puberty and it didn’t work anymore, thankfully. I feel your pain.
@Sunshine Sometimes I wake up and wonder if my short-bobbed haircut is the wedge of the 21st century.
Yeah, I think that Survivor video HAS to be the funniest commercial EVER. Add that to coffee (give me a venti dark roast and a Joan Jett record and I’m all about air guitary) and it becomes way more than legendary. Thanks for the props.
I’ve come to find in my own dealings with my unions that oftentimes it’s best to apologize for mistakes and move forward….all you have to do is exchange “litigation” for “grievance procedure” and there you go. Of course, if you add your two points together there’s little to get around…then you have an angry, stupid person pursing a grievance against you.
That key board in the video is TOO much!
PS This is one of your best posts ever.
The is fabulous. I will chuckle all day …
Best quote EVER:
IT’S NOT A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT BECAUSE THEY ASK YOU TO COME TO WORK ON TIME.
I need to post this in our office. Thanks.
Aw shucks, guys.
yeah, i would’ve liked an apology from the hospital when they circumcised my son… they didn’t do it right and it had to be re-done… no apology, no real reimbursement, no permanent mark in the dr’s file… i’m still angry about it. (and still trying to have that dr’s file adjusted.)
I agree, we are way too litigious of a society and too few are willing to take on personal responsibility. I do think it becomes a complicated issue because the fear of litigation makes it difficult for a doctor/hospital/employer to own up to a mistake, which of course infuriates people and further paves the road to legal hell.
@ladyangora I never heard that circumcision story before. Oh god.
@Corey It’s a vicious cycle of fear/litigation/fear. No one wins.
Right On! I so appreciate your perspective and am glad we’re all on the same page about those sue-happy freaks that don’t own up to what is their responsibility and won’t be held accountable for anything. This especially rings home when I think 132A claims. Blech!!
the video rules!
@HarshMarsh I’m pro-lawsuit, actually, but a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
@MegBear The video makes the entire post make sense, I think.
Laurie-
“It’s tough to persuade the average person to abandon his (her) point-of-view and accept your ideas”
Welcome to my world - LOL
Eric