If your life is anything like mine, your extended family will come together over the holidays and someone will drink too much light beer, eat too many cookies, and start complaining about his job.
It’s probably your cousin — the guy who wears a baseball hat to every family event. He will get all sentimental & shit and bemoan the loss of family values. He may also rage against the commercialism of Christmas and criticize corporate America — and you’ll have to resist the urge to point out that he drove to the holiday party in his Ford F150, he is wearing a pair of jeans from Old Navy, and he is eating his weight in government subsidized high-fructose corn syrup.
Deck the halls, yo. I don’t envy you.
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Why don’t you mix things up, this year? I dare you to be a shit-disturber and tell your family member to
- stop buying stuff he doesn’t need.
- sell one of his cars.
- learn how to cook.
- vacation locally.
- use coupons.
- give up red meat.
- cancel the cable TV.
- buy clothing at consignment stores.
- stop buying his kids soda and candy for snacks.
- find personal meaning in life by volunteering with animals, abused children, or those less fortunate.
Or you can tell your family member to STFU and eat another cookie.
What’s it gonna be?
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My uncle, the long-haul trucker showed up to Thanksgiving in his brand new Ford Explorer.
1) Isn’t your industry a little volatile to be making big purchases? Shouldn’t you put that money under your matress or something?
2) Really? A Ford Explorer? Major eyeroll buddy.
I’m taking the cookie defense for sure.
The only good thing about a steadily-shrinking family is that the odds of someone coming to a holiday celebration and being a huge pain get smaller and smaller.
We ended the ‘extended family’ get-togethers. We volunteer at the veteran’s home and shelter, spend time in our house with our dog, hang with the neighbors who are so totally normal and cool it’s embarrassing and do not exchange gifts. We do exchange gift cards so we can buy cool things in all the after the holiday sales.
It is the best way for me to spend the holidays.
@Lexy I’m rolling my eyes, too. Good lord.
@Meg Bear I’ve been known to advocate the cookie strategy on many occasions.
@Average Jane Lucky dog!
@HR Maven Wow, your holiday is so great. You need to write a self-help book for those of us with huge, extended families!
Generally anyone who wears a baseball hat so often that they have a white forehead and tanned face isn’t worth arguing with. If it can’t be explained in the span of a bumpersticker or t-shirt they aren’t going to get it anyway. The same is often true of family members who wear all black with Birkenstock shoes and a page-boy haircut to go with their ugly Betty glasses, except that you have to throw in a lot of pretentious terms that imply victimhood and a hatred of America just to get them to even acknowledge that you’re speaking. People are funny. We tend to dress ourselves in such a way as to communicate how to communicate with us, or not.
Probably the cookie option. I’m a fan of cookies myself.
STFU and eat another cookie.
I sat on the couch at my sister-in-laws with the men and watched the Hunting Channel (yes, there is such a thing) and no one spoke to me and I let my kids run wild. It was aswesome.
OMIGOD – it’s like you’ve seen into my home at Christmas.
I went over the edge of the shit-disturber fence(with my husband egging me on) with a few well placed comments along the line of what you suggested. As a result, I know have an estranged uncle and aunt. It couldn’t have worked out better if I had planned it.
This year – probably the STFU and eat another cookie