Longtime readers of Punk Rock HR know that I’m a big fan of Kurt Vonnegut. His eight rules of writing are back in vogue on the internet. Call me crazy, but those guidelines could be applied to the way we manage employees.
With sincere apologies to KV, here is my take on his eight commandments.
- Use the time of your employees in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
- Give the employees at least one reason a week to root for the success of your company.
- Every character should want something, even if it is only a paycheck.
- Every action at work must do one of two things—make some money or advance the personal development of your employees & peers.
- Know the end result and start your strategic planning as close to the end as possible.
- It’s okay to be a tough manager in order that your employees may see what they are made of.
- Work hard to please just one person in your life. Yourself.
- Give your employees as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense and confidentiality. Employees should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could accomplish the corporate goals themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages of the strategic business plan.
Is this a stretch?
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Good points!
Though Vonnegut also said “If you do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.” Hopefully we can do better than that.
He also said, “everyone wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.” How do we hire for the latter?
“Next time I’ll call Robert Ludlum.” – Thornton Melon
“Work hard to please just one person in your life. Yourself” – ummm I was with you until that point.
Imagine a world where everyone was only interested in pleasing themselves………………
For a start there would be no babies
Love it!!
Dude, I love it. I’m a big fan of KV as well and am a personal fan of putting this quote into business action “I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.”
These are right on!! I printed them off so I can remember them everyday!!
Your KV commandments are definitely not a stretch– should be copied and put on every manager’s desk in the country– (except I think they’d take #7 a little too far.)
Here’s some 10 comm. to live by:
You shall have no other managers or supervisors before me.
You shall not make for yourself any carved image, unless it’s for mystery gift exchange– then have at it!
You shall not take the name in vain, even if you accidently shove a staple into the palm of your hand… again! “Gosh Durn it!” is acceptable, but I have my eyes on you.
Remember the weekend, to keep it holy.
Honor your payroll and benefit departments, that your days may be long upon the land.
You shall not murder your supervisor. You can think about it all you want— voodoo dolls are a good way to vent.
You shall not commit adultery, unless you’re separated and she’s leaving for a different branch in two days.
You shall not steal anything bigger than a coffee maker.
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor, unless they’re a real asshole and have been talking smack about you to the boss. Mental issues is a good one– start talking about Fort Hood.
You shall not covet your neighbor’s cubicle; you shall not covet your neighbor’s new girlfriend in accounting who’s got it for EVERYONE, nor his garage mechanic, nor his car, nor anything that is your neighbor’s. Just quit coveting, alright??!!!
I am all for rooting for the company. I think when employees do unethical things like steal from a company, they have just forgotten why they liked the company in the first place. The more employees are reminded of why they should care—the better.
BTW I think cockroaches did eat our strategic business plan.
Most of the time I agree with you Laurie. However, this sounds like corporate fluff or some mission statement off of SHRM. Should of …would have…could have….but let’s get real. Maybe when the economy turns around we can be more true to our profession but right now I lay low and suck up. My strategy has kept me employed with no lapse since this downturn.
@akabruno If you do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. Hahahahahhaha, that reminds me so much of HR.
@TheHRD Oh no, there would be babies — just like there are babies now. You think people make most of our babies out of some grand & noble gesture of thoughtfulness. No way. Selfish lust makes babies. Or is that just my personal experience?
@Ann xoxoxoxo
@Puf ZOMG, yes. Love that one, too.
@Sara Oh shucks!
@MattyMat “Remember the weekend, to keep it holy.” Right on! Those are hilarious.
@InkedHR Cockroaches will survive longer than most strategic business plans!
@Allison You think this sounds SHRMy? Wow, uh, that’s the first time I’ve been accused of being SHRMy. I’ll rethink this. I totally support your strategy btw. It’s just a job.
Companies actually have strategic business plans? Huh. At my company we do things by Magic 8 Ball. In our defense, roaches have a hell of a time snacking on it.
With respect to Allison’s self preservation plan, I personally have to adhere to a similar set of management principles as Laurie’s example, even if I’m vulnerable. These strategies do help keep employees engaged, especially in difficult times. I want to be treated this way, so I want to set that example as well. I simply don’t understand why this is any less important now than in a growth period.
The tensions right now increase the strain on employee relations with management. This is the type of counsel HR provides to management to enhance culture and engagement efforts. HR can’t duck-n-cover when things get bad. I just see it differently than Allison. I do feel horrible for her because it sounds like HR is severely underappreciate where she is if she can’t perform her function without feeling vulnerable.
Some things are important enough to me that I’m not willing to change even if that stubborness makes me vulnerable. I will agree with Allison that the concept could be SHRMy, however. I seem to remember this type of philosophy in my SPHR test material. Good luck on recertification, Laurie.
But you forgot that KV also wrote, “The greatest American short story writer of my generation was Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964). She broke practically every one of my rules but the first. Great writers tend to do that.” So, as always with rules, your mileage may vary …
“We’re all fucked. It helps to remember that.” George Carlin
@Karl Totally 100% right. Seriously. Snap.
@Ryan Crap, that’s two SHRMy votes. Rats.
@HAria The rumors of the strategic business plan’s death are greatly exaggerated.
@Laurie – it was a pun on “pleasing oneself”…….I’ll try harder in future!
Wow. We should go to Vegas and get married. Wait, we already are. To other people I mean.
No, it’s not a stretch. Right on the money. Spread #8 like cream cheese on a bagel and eat it before I turn into a cockroach.
It’s a good stretch, like that sun salutation in Yoga. Although I see how people could mix up number 7, I tend to view #7 as a method of achieving and excelling. It’s about Doing the best one can possibly do and not working towards others expectations. This does come with some risk and political fallout, but I find that the potential reward and satisfaction are much greater.
I don’t believe this is a stretch. I specially live by rule #8. I think that if we are doing the right things in managing our organizations there should be no reason to do so openly, so that our employees feel involved and engaged in the process. It is that collaboration that will yield better outcomes, even when the results are different than intended. The experience of attempting becomes a learning process for everyone involved.
LOVE IT!
Now is the perfect time to be open and honest no matter what your role. In this economy – stoke that transparency fire! And if other’s don’t like it…tough. But enough with the secrecy crap. Leaders need to give people the truth and let them do their job. People like to work for something that matters.
We’re all adults and tiptoeing is just a waste of time. Don’t be a company who carries around needy people – I don’t care how big or small your company is. Be transparent and expect it back. Don’t be a pain in the ass and unrealistic…be focused and be real. People will engage because people (who are worth being around and employing) want to believe in something – in this case their company and the people they work with and for and they want to be believed in and believe in themselves. If you have people on your team/company who just want a free ride, cut the free loaders off and let someone else who’s been hiding quietly come out and shine.
As for #7 – well it does have to start within us but it really kicks in gear when we make a difference to others – those that count and only you can decide who counts.
I can’t stand all the tiptoeing. It just doesn’t have to be that hard. My stance has been unpopular at times and uncomfortable for me BUT it’s important to me and I’m beginning to see our senior leaders take risks to be open and transparent and it’s contagious. Just last week our CAO took a stand in front of his peers and the rest of the company around being transparent and the entire room erupted in hoots and hollers and applause. By the end of the meeting, the conversation was open, transparent, and effective. It takes guts to stoke the transparency fire. I’ve been stoking for two years. I’m a stoker who’s now seeing my leadership become stokers. Stoking ROCKS!! And I had a big part in it! LOVE IT!