Throughout my career, I’ve been surrounded by men and women who pull a dick move with colleagues, associates, and leaders.
What’s a dick move? From Urban Dictionary.
An action by one male to another male friend which violates understood social expectations, especially where the transgressor obtains a slight advantage in comparison with a relatively large inconvenience imposed upon the aggrieved party.
I would quibble with the word male because women can perform a dick move. In fact, I’ve done it myself.
So let’s make a list of dick moves in the office.
- Taking credit for a project, task, or job when you don’t deserve that credit.
- Not standing up for a coworker in a meeting because you are afraid of the political ramifications.
- Undermining your boss for no reason other than the fact that he/she has more power than you.
- Drinking the last of the water and not replacing the five-gallon jug because you don’t feel like lifting it up.
- Parking in a handicapped spot even though you had foot surgery like six months ago and you’re totally fine.
- Listening to music at your cube knowing full well that it’s too loud but you don’t care because you’re in a NIN mood.
- Scheduling meetings early in the morning just because you know your boss hates to come in before 8:30 AM.
- Playing buzzword bingo out in the open and not even trying to stifle your laughter when someone says at the end of the day.
- Anonymously tweeting about your job and slamming your company even though it’s not really all that bad.
- Excessively hitting on a colleague, peer, or associate even when that person has turned you down and asked you to stop.
What am I missing? What dick moves have you pulled?
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“Playing buzzword bingo out in the open and not even trying to stifle your laughter when someone says at the end of the day.”
Done it, don’t regret it; dude was the epitome of a dick, all though I still cringe when I hear that phrase.
How about drinking the last of the coffee and not making anymore? Or making it way too strong just because no one else likes it that way and you got to it first.
Here’s a dick move: I was new on a team and we were working on some design aspect of the project, and Tim didn’t like that we had a meeting to talk about it, so he brought a magazine and read it throughout the meeting. Stanley’s crossword puzzles in The Office are a consistent dick move.
If anyone needs a Buzzword Bingo page generator, here’s mine: http://petdance.com/bingo/
Dick Move: Sending a “Reply All” to an email and slamming the person who sent the original email. I’ve seen people get slammed for misspellings, forgetting a detail or attachment in an email or for sending something they shouldn’t send (chain letters, scam warnings, jokes, etc.).
Praise in public. Criticize in private.
While playing NIN at work in general may not be a good idea for any number of reasons, I don’t think it quite rises (sinks?) to the level of dick move. But that’s just me.
Mine was like your second example: trying to speak in broad terms here (which will probably just make it impossible to understand
) we were taking some data that we had a rare opportunity to get, really for the first time, but it happened to be a weekend when the guy who was transitioning the job to me was out of town. This activity was like an on-call event-driven thing, not something I knew in advance was going to happen. The original idea was that he would be around to help me the first time something like this happened.
Anyway, equipment malfunctioned, security systems malfunctioned such that we couldn’t get into areas we needed to be in, we did a poor job collecting the data, and in the meeting when the super-scary mean client yelled at me about it and threatened to fire us, I threw the other company who was working with/for us under the bus. It’s hard to believe but at the time I didn’t even realize I was doing it–I was just so freaked out that I told the truth as I saw it (that we, and especially the other firm, which was responsible for supplying most of the on-call personnel, weren’t really prepared for the call and should have planned better. And I suppose that was true, if we had prepared for every possible eventuality and had legions of people on hand, we would have done better). I was actually trying to apologize which was not even a good idea on its own, but even less of a good idea when the effect was to pass the buck.
Later after the immediate crisis was over and I discussed it with others (including a mentor who, in trying to help, told me an anecdote about how you shouldn’t LIE, OMG, one of the worst moments of my life), it became clear that reality was different than I had perceived it and it was mostly uncontrollable start-up issues (like the equipment stuff) that were to blame. And that if the staffing issues had been anyone’s fault, they were mine, because I was a little more “in charge” of this activity than I had grasped (I was young and had never led anything, didn’t understand the structure of the project which was rather large and confusing, and nobody really explained it to me, not that any of that is an excuse because I certainly should have asked more questions). So yeah, major dick move.
Or: shorter version, I did not heed Glen’s last sentence.
As a woman owned business principal I once had a large corporate buyer schedule a meeting for 7pm Friday Night when I asked if it was a business or personal meeting “he said the business will depend on how personal the meeting”
As a woman owned business principal I once had a large corporate buyer schedule a meeting for 7pm Friday Night when I asked if it was a business or personal meeting “he said the business will depend on how personal the meeting” needless to say it never took place
Telling everyone but one or two people about a social outing, but sending out a last minute invite to everyone to give the illusion of inclusiveness (forgive me, I was young).
Here’s a few dick moves, not re-filling the copy machine paper after you knew it was empty. Eatting someone lunch because you were to cheap or stupid to get your own. Parking in the visitor parking spot because you did not want to find a legit parking spot. Hiring someone for a job because you think they are cute. “Borrowing” the toilet paper/ stapler/ copy paper/ pens and other supplies from you company even though you know its stealing. Taking the day off from work because you wanted to go to the beach….well the last one really isn’t a dick move.
I’d say Kanye’ing anyone qualifies…
I’m in the middle of cleaning up from a major dick move that someone just pulled on me. He heard about an ongoing project I’ve been working on for over a year (and getting good results), but had to back burner for the last quarter for lack of resources. Without consulting me, he farmed out pieces of it to his team “for” me. All the info has been reported back to me (I think), but now instead of 5 threads to follow up on, I have 125. And I still lack the resources to *actually* do this right, so now instead of being something I work for an hour a day, it’s a full time job all by itself. I guess it’s great that in one week they were able to make a tremendous amount of progress, but it really just created a data fire-hose that I can’t deal with right now.
Dick move: Paging someone over the PA system when you know they are in their office. Interrupts everyone in the office and makes it appear that they aren’t in their office. (wide-eyed blink from, at the time, a young receptionist who hated her boss)
Turning off the copier before the end of the day so it has to warm up for it to be used.
Putting someone’s phone on DND so all their calls go to voice mail
Misfiling
Not refilling the stapler
Moving the holes on the 3-hole punch
Putting colored paper in the copy machine
If you have color toner cartridges – switching the colors (blue in red, red in yellow, yellow in blue)
Lowering the adjustable desk chairs at peoples desks
…. perhaps I should quit now…
Cursing up a storm, having forgotten that some peeps in your general vicinity aren’t very comfortable dodging f-bombs. The few times I performed this dick move, I did apologize, hopefully undicking the move from my karma baggage cart.
Someone did this to my coworkers and I. A 10:00PM anchor hid two tapes from the A segment of our 10:00 PM show and then lied to the producer about the editors losing the tapes. Another editor found the tapes hidden in the jacket she had folded on her chair.
Stressed out – I started a pot of coffee and left the company kitchen. I had forgotten to put a pot on the coffee maker and the coffee brewed all over the counter, floor etc. I was working on the 9th floor and was terrified that the 8th floor ceiling was dripping too!
Love the newbies who come in and work soooo hard to impress – especially the boss. How many times have you heard from a newbie – “well, at XYZ Company we did this and had great results” – shut up – you don’t work there anymore foul and you are making all of us old timers look bad! I exaggerate – but there is some truth here.
Shew! Sure am glad that I don’t work with some of these people…I would hate to hear the rest of Randi’s list.
Dick Move #1–Putting a warm soda in the agency freezer and forgetting to pull it out, and denying to the hilt that you are responsible for the resulting soda explosion. Not that I ever did anything like that…
Dick Move #2–Passive-aggressively ensuring that I comment daily on PRHR to get my agency back for blocking out all social media on agency computers.
Getting negative information about other staff members from one person. Not bothering to check out the information and making decisions based upon what I heard from one person. Who I failed to recognize an ass kisser and yes man.
I lost two really good people over that and my consolation prize was getting to keep the lying ass kisser I no longer trusted until I could go through documentation hell to terminate her for cause.
I felt so bad that two people lost their jobs due to my ignorance. I saw one of the former staff members years later at a restaurant and when I spoke to her, she responded with “F### you.”
Coming late to meetings and then demanding a rehash of what was already discussed. If you are that interested, come on time OR, if that’s impossible, wait till the meeting is ended and people have left, then ask the meeting organizer what key bits you missed. Don’t make 10 people have to hang around while things are repeated.
Minor dick move, this one done to me: Guy who sits next to me on the first day of my first job (we had an open floor plan in that part of the building, basically desks around the perimeter of a room facing the walls), the first thing he says to me after learning my name is “If you don’t like Rush, don’t work in the afternoons.” Meant to be “funny” and also, I’m sure, to try and ascertain my political leanings right out of the gate, which is also a bit dickish.
Sure there are worse things than listening to a radio show you don’t like, but he did not lie, Rush was on every day at a volume that I could easily hear. NIN (which to be fair is more my speed) would have been nothing compared to trying to concentrate on stuff while your blood gradually comes to a boil. Of course later I moved to share an office with a guy who listened to the station all day long (Dr. Laura, etc. etc.) whereas the first guy, true to his word, only tuned in for Rush, so I eventually looked back on those first days with fondness. Both were actually nice guys, just… wtf? There are other people in the room besides you. I know using headphones is frowned upon in many workplaces, but frankly I find that much less rude than subjecting those around you to your taste in music or commentary. I have enough trouble focusing as it is.
- Taking calls in your cubicle on speakerphone (at any volume)
- Multiply ‘dickness’ by 5 if it’s a personal call
- Not holding elevator when person is within two steps from entering
- Not paying attention to content in whole email string before forwarding to people that definitely shouldn’t read the whole string
- Using the last of the paper in printer/copier, and not replacing.
The list goes on! Relevant topic here!
Trading office chairs without one’s knowledge = dick move.
Also, the “Filet ‘o Fish” song on anyone’s office speakers within earshot.
Sending out materials or requests at 4:30pm on Friday so you can ask why people did not respond or complete a task that was sent out last week. Especially dicky if you are on the West coast and everyone else is located on the East coast.
Similarly, the managers in the Eastern time zone that schedule 7:30am meetings – managers that have employees in other time zones.
Waiting until just before the deadline to forward high priority requests to people.
Similar to Glen’s comment: Copying everyone on a compliant, concern or issue.
Bonus points for (1) Crying foul when the receipent replys to all with an answer you do not like. (2) Using bcc. (3) Completing a required task five minutes before sending out the compliant email.
@dowling coffee = dick
@andy tim = dick
@glen reply all = dick
@sherry it’s the music that’s too loud, not NIN. loud music = dick
@sCG you = not a dick, you just made mistakes. that’s okay.
@patti skeevy dude = dick
@danflan your lack of social graces = dick (we forgive you)
@latina visitor spot = total dick
@marsha kanye = dick
@jvikki 125 threads of shit to do that is unnecessary = dick
@randi all good dick moves especially the three hole punch.
@frank f bombs around sensitive people = they are dicks for not being more inclusive
@aja general office shenanigans in newsrooms = dicks
@bztat you & the soda & denial = hilarious
@donlyn being blamed for having to keep the ass kisser? that person is a dick for giving you the f-k you!
@jake late meeting attendees with a sense of entitlement = dicks
@scg Rush = ultimate dick
@jason your snarky comment about a relevant topic = dick move
@sean i don’t know that song! also desk chairs = dick
@salescomp TIME ZONE ABUSERS = dick (i had that problem at PFE)
Putting off “doing the right thing” because you want to roll it up into a six sigma project for next year. My former boss would not introduce (not even explore) labor standards in the district because we had already beaten our budget (to death) and we had closed our annual commitments for six sigma projects.
To me, you find areas to improve and take action. You are not a supermodel, so don’t try to make yourself look good on the job. Dick? Nah…he’s the whole fruit basket!
Never actually happened, though would have been major dick move. Basically a candidate for a leadership role was a major player in his current role. The candidate’s manager was basically useless and couldnt run his own dept. without this person who was trying to get out (for obvious reasons). Dick move = the hiring team wanted to bring on this candidate to watch his manager actually have to work. Was quite funny though watching him squeal through the interview process.
Saying you aren’t going to fire a lot of people to bring in people from your former company, then doing exactly that.
Saying you are going to work with HR to establish career goals and paths for staff, then doing nothing.
Humiliating people you don’t like in meetings by ignoring them or talking over them when they try to speak.
Emailing questions on a Saturday afternoon that are not yes or no answers that could absolutely wait till Monday morning just because you can.
Making big decisions based on personal motivation and not what is best for the firm.
Three months later and close to a deadline, pretending that you never agreed to a decision that was made in meeting that everyone knows that you attended and had not voiced any objections or concerns.
When I worked in a call center, I’d occasionally transfer other employees (usually men) who were being abusive to me to another call center line.
Did I mention it was in Korean? Ooops.
Did that to the guy that tried to lecture me about the discipline and morality of the sales staff and how I should respect it. This from a guy who was married, had a very pregnant wife, but was boinking not one but two women who worked with his wife.
As for other people’s dick moves, the recurring one over the years is always time-related. I’ve often worked in groups where I was “end of day” staff, and I always hated dealing with unprepared people who would throw a fit and be abusive….but would then be all, “oh, I loooooove you” when I did the thing they’d just berated me into doing. For pete’s sake, have some accountability and own your shit. Telling me nicely “I forgot to do this and I’m effed if it doesn’t get done” gets a much more productive response from me.
@ spacedcowgirl
Because you mentioned NIN I thought you meant Rush the band, not Rush Limbaugh…
Cooking fish (or anything stinky) in the microwave next to the open floor section of the cubicle farm.
I’m a Time Zone Abuser. Is there a 12-step group for that?
A former boss tried a dick move once— sat me down and gave me this lecture of how the client only wanted to deal with him and it was SUCH a big deal— and I get an email directly from the client less than two hours later! Either the clients retarded— or my boss is an out’n'out lyin’, paranoid sack’a dog crap!!!!
ah I think this is also known as a c**k-block in Australia hehe
@Jess “That guy just pulled a dick move by cockblocking my promotion.” That’s how I would say that.
@MattyMat paranoid boss = dick
@vikki you are not a dick but you gotta work on that.
@jk smelly food = dick
@lynda rush the band = dicks
@patrick end of the day staff abusers = dicks
@deadhedge deadline abusers = dicks
@ pseudonym all good dick moves
@mp dicks
@HP OMg, anything six sigma is a dick move and that’s a #fact
Watched this dick move once:
Answering your office phone with the wrong name, imitating someone’s thick accent – only to have the caller be that person! ooooooh shiiiittttt!
Dick move of the week: Walt Baker of Nashville
http://wonkette.com/414090/latest-obama-monkey-email-sent-in-spirit-of-fun-and-friendship#more-414090
We all pull a dick more now and then. Real men (and woman) fess up and apologize: http://www.greatleadershipbydan.com/2010/03/5-little-things-make-big-difference-as_14.html
The worst dick move I ever pulled was rolling someone’s ever-ringing phone to voice mail.
One guy likes to skip out on all the meetings on a project that affects his area and then tell us all what to do during the last few days of the wrap-up even though his input was requested for the previous 3 months of hard work. Everyone seems afraid of him since he makes it’s known that he’s well-connected to his boss, but I usually call him out on it. (And yet nothing bad happened to me….hmmm).
The IT department is full of Dick Movers. If they get requests that they don’t feel like working on, they just “lose” them.