I wish I could have a do-over of an experience in 2007.
I worked for a VP of HR who was losing his job in a company-wide reorganization program. I had one foot out the door, too, and there was no love lost between the two of us. I spoke my mind. He spoke his. It was a sad level of dysfunction, and I never missed an opportunity to be a bitch for the sake of keeping myself entertained.
When it was confirmed that the VP of HR was scheduled to leave, one of my colleagues asked me to take a professional portrait as a gift to the VP. My picture would be included as part of a larger departmental gift of some kind.
I said no.
Just like that.
My colleague, who was a nice guy, wouldn’t let it die. I walked into his office in midtown Manhattan and he told me I was being ridiculous and immature. I was. He insisted that I have my picture taken. I said, fine, you want me in the picture? Take it now. I was wearing the ugliest wrinkle-free gray pants and a black cardigan from Talbots, very little make-up, and my hair was in a ponytail. I took my hair down. This is how I looked.
Yup, that’s me in an office in Manhattan circa 2007. Shut up. Don’t laugh. I’m eating humble pie, here.
When I see this picture, I see a passive-aggressive, chubby, cranky soccer mom who can’t help but smile at a camera even though she is mad. I look like a woman who has given up on her career and opted for mediocrity and donuts.
I had.
*
When I think back on this whole experience, I’m filled with regret. While I still don’t think the VP did a great job, none of it matters because it’s Human-freaking-Resources. We weren’t solving the world’s problems. We were working in a corporate function.
I should have kept my mouth shut and made a bigger deal out of more important things.
I hope that one day, if I’m lucky, I’ll get laid off in a company-wide restructuring effort and someone will rally the troops to give me a going away gift.
Also, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to clean up a little for work. You never know when someone will take your picture.
{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }
When I see this and read this, it makes me happy. Not happy that you treated the VP that way or that you shopped at Talbots (totally can’t believe you did, you’re way cooler than that). And not happy that you feel you look like a tired, soccer mom.
It makes me happy because clearly in the last 3 years you have grown. You now lead with your heart AND your mouth. You recognize that even when you don’t like something that you can handle it differently. You totally ROCK the makeover because I swear you look about 10 years younger today than in that picture.
Laurie, this post is exactly what makes you a great person. Honest, raw, and real. xoxo my friend!
What she said (trish)
Does this mean I have to take my wife’s V-Day gift back to Talbot’s?
One more thing, calling BS here. All over America, women in HR are saying “Shit, she thinks SHE looks bad.”
Trish said it all. You’ve grown emotionally and you look years younger & cooler now. Although you did look pretty cute then.
What a do-over wish list I have! I’ve screwed up more than one job in my past. Unlike you, looking back with a healthier mind, I look back at my job do-over list and put my hands over my ears and hummmm.
Yes what Trish said…I’m having an original moment here.
This is corporate Flatliners! My job redo would involve an absolutely amazing boss who I could have learned volumes from. She gave me lots of credit and opportunity and I was too young and immature to seize on it and do her right and instead cried in her office when she didn’t give me what I wanted and she kept me anyway. Disclaimer, please, I was 23. I recently met someone who knows her and have been tempted to reach out and am just too embarassed to do so. Maybe I will today.
Thanks!
Change is good and based on what you’ve written and knowing you now, it’s obvious that the move to Punk Rock HR was good for you. I wonder if the VP even gives a crap that you’ve chosen to write about this. Obviously, you care. My guess he that he/she doesn’t.
We all can’t be perfect and we’re all entitled to bad days. A friend just don’t me last night not to underestimate yourself, and now, I’m tell you the same.
Jessica
@blogging4jobs
This makes me think back to my first hr job… and how much i loved the vp/hr. there was one day after i had been promoted out of hr to a director level with no training and no guidance besides to “take one for the team” and date the vp/gm … i sat in the vp/hr’s office and asked him about a position he had posted that i was in no way qualified but very interested. he sat there and humored the 23 y/o me and told me all the things i’d have to learn before i could be an employee relations manager. and so i left that director job to learn those things.
laurie — we all have those moments when we realize the path we’re on no longer matches who we are. some people take the easy route and just keep plodding away despite how they feel. other people get off that path through hell or high water. you may not be proud of the method you used — or the talbots you wore — but you should definitely be proud of where you’ve gotten.
The really cool thing about time is that we can look back and have a few regrets, but know that its in the past, and dwelling on our mistakes won’t fix them, but learning from them, we can be better versions of “us”.
I agree with Trish, can’t believe you shopped at talbot! But well, I’m also glad that no one has a camera in my office today.
PunkRock HR was a great move for you.
The road might have been twisty getting here, but here is a great place to be!
I am catching the personal growth topic.
But why a group photo? Had the team been working together for years or decades? This would have been a good gift for someone that was retiring from team that been together for years. For a reorg layoff in the modern corporate world, it sounds like a gift that would be in the trash before the vp was even out of the building.
Hahahaha, OMG. Talbots.
1. They had petite pants. I have a 27″ inseam.
2. They USED TO offer solid colors — not prints.
3. I needed clothes that didn’t wrinkle when I traveled. When you’re on the road weekly, you’ll wear anything if it doesn’t need ironing or constant dry cleaning.
4. I was lazy and there was a Talbots near the Michigan Pfizer site.
Fine, one more: the pants had enough stretch for my ass.
The clothing I can relate to, some days. I know the feeling of crawling out of bed with no desire to do it and putting on what ever looks comfortable. Been there. Done that.
I’d also like to second what Michael VanDervort said. Trish speaks the truth, yo.
@Trish Thanks, Trish. That’s a nice comment.
My HR department had politics at a level that I still don’t understand. Machiavelli was like, hey, can you give me a few pointers? Unfortunately, the fact that I gave up on HR and moved to North Carolina is actually the failure that I want to do-over. My writing isn’t clear enough on this one. See, my organization lost a dissenting voice that made it a little healthier (even though the voice was a pain-in-the-ass), I gave up a solid paycheck with benefits and a retirement plan, and my clients lost a partner in HR who helped them get stuff done. I walked away from conflict instead of mastering it. I only wish I had the fortitude, at the time, to stay and learn from it. That’s my do-over.
@Michael Thanks.
@GL Please. The photo is harsh. Also, Talbots has simple, solid-color suiting and nice separates for women over 40. You keep your wife’s gift.
@Fran Ha! I am younger, now. I feel younger. It’s funny how that happens when you’re not laying off people on a weekly basis. Love your do-over, too.
@Geoff Thx.
@Diane Youth is wasted on the young!
@Jessica No, the VP doesn’t give a crap — and I still don’t think the move to PRHR was really all that good for me (see Trish’s response) from a developmental or financial perspective. Thank you for the props on PRHR, though. I think my writing wasn’t effective on this post. Wait, let me do it over!!
@Tammy Exactly. Like HR is known for being fashionistas? It’s not like I wore muumuus or something. (Even the muumuus at Talbots are too expensive for most HR folks, btw. My HR tip of the day: go to Macy’s for your muumuus.)
@SalesComp The VP had like 20+ years with the company. He was actually rather new to our department, and the reorganization was a response to some inter-political-HR changes. I left out the part where I shrewed my colleague about the very bad idea. You want to use the creative department and my money as a shareholder to create this shitty gift? I never saw the end result — not sure if it was made??
@adowling Thanks!
Agreed with GL @ the “She thinks SHE looks bad?” sentiment. This is better than I dressed most days and certainly far better than I looked…
Your point about not holding grudges and keeping things in perspective is well taken though. I took more of a “hold it all inside” approach but I definitely made many mountains out of molehills and allowed small but embarrassing or hurtful memories, or irritating people, to rule my mood far more than I should have.
If I could do it over I would try to set myself up more for success on this particular project that haunts me because it didn’t go very well. There are a lot of reasons why that was, but if I had been able to muster up the strength to be a little more prepared and organized, I might have been able to walk away feeling like it wasn’t entirely my fault. Or maybe I could have let the stressful events roll off me a little more rather than being in constant freak-out mode. I swear I took years off my life not being able to manage my emotions and reactions to things very well.
Also, and I hate a bit that I am doing this because I am using someone else’s death as some kind of Very Special Life Lesson, but a woman I worked with at the time (she was an admin and an incredibly nice person) died in a car accident about a year ago. I was spending the majority of my days in an absolute panic, worrying and beating myself up all day at work, dreading it every time the phone rang, and often sobbing when I got home. In the end, we weren’t, as you put it, solving all the world’s problems… it was just a job. It could easily have been any one of us who died, and had it been me, I would have spent a sizeable chunk of my life obsessing about this project and how terrible a person I was for not being able to do it better. As it is, I doubt I will be on my deathbed thinking about the blah blah blah site. So in short, I guess I wish I had done my best and gone home, and kept it all in perspective.
When I read this (and the first two comments), I started crying. It’s taken me 10 more comments to compose myself sufficiently and return to add my own comment.
“I should have kept my mouth shut and made a bigger deal out of more important things.”
I totally get this sentence, because when I walked out on my job in mid-2008, I was pissed off and frustrated and isolated. Now is seems stupid, because it was corned beef and turkey. Who gives a shit?
Trish is so right – look at what you have done and where you are now. I wish I could figure out how to spread that mojo all over me and do the same. I know one thing: if I had found the online community a lot earlier I would have done things a lot differently.
Talbots: I totally understand this. They also have some talls to fit my 34″ inseam. And a “generous” fit. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?
@SpacedCowGIrl Whoa, that is an important life lesson. You know, this really resonates with me. I swear I took years off my life not being able to manage my emotions and reactions to things very well. Oy. I know.
@Joan Don’t cry. Thanks for the props on my blog. Listen, you have mojo. I’ve seen it in action. This online community has your back. xoxoxo
FYI everyone: I don’t mean to belittle the props on my blog — because I really appreciate the praise. I wonder — could do more to help job seekers and the HR community if I remained in Corporate HR and worked on the inside??
Compassion is a lost art…glad you found it…
A great life lesson for all of us…
M
I love this post. Do not look back with regret at all, look at where you are now. I appreciate you sharing a bit about your past – as it inspired me. Your quote is great – “I should have kept my mouth shut and made a bigger deal out of more important things.” I will print this out and paste it to my computer. Thanks for sharing and keep rocking.
Ummm…Lauire–By energizing and enlightening the many many of us who are still on the inside, I suspect you’re doing more for the HR community than you may give yourself credit for.
Reading all the comments— it looks like everyone here’s got your back, Laurie— and even though I can’t see your picture (company filter), I’m sure you look fine. Even Sophia Lauren thought she looked fat sometimes! lol So– I’m going to take the opposite approach than everyone else and use a qoute I’ve liked for a long time:
“Force shits on Reason’s Back.”
Benjamin Franklin
Somehow, there were viable, uncontrollable forces at play in the relationship with your VP— communication, different styles of organization, etc., any number of variables that you can’t put your finger on could have all come together in sort of a quantum soup that you couldn’t label— but couldn’t stand any more. You might “regret” walking away from HR– but if you can help it– try not to regret your right as an individual to have your own personality, and make decisions as to who you are, who you’re going to like or dislike at any given moment. When you decided “Fuck this, I’m out!” — it was probably for damn good reasons— and from what I read in the comments, you look better today than years ago– which probably means you feel better today as well. Enjoy what you have– the ears of MANY HR people out there who need your advice to make HR a “better” environment– if that’s possible. Or maybe if not just a sympathetic ear. I don’t need to be shoveling constantly to know how to dig a hole, right?
@MarkF Sometimes I think my heart is all black and broken — until I read your comments. xoxo
@Chris Thank you!
@Scott xoxox
@Matty Thanks. I walked away from HR when Ken was relocated to NC and I was willing to sell my career for a severance package and peace of mind. There’s a dickhead VP in every company — even my own company. Right now, that dickhead VP is me. Laurie Ruettimann, VP of Cats.
Laurie-
photo = hawt mess
Punk Rock HR girl = hot
Job do-over = maybe I shouldn’t have just posted that
Not to get all existential here, but I think that all that you’ve gone through, caused, been part of, etc. has made you who you are today – and you’re very successful. It may not be “success” in the way that much of the world views it (titles, cash, more cats, etc.), but it’s success in the sense that you’re recognized as a leader in what you do.
You’re blog is tops in the HR and Careers spaces, you’re in demand as a speaker, celeb attendee at events, etc. People in HR, job search and career despair come to you for transparency and truth. And many, many people who read your blog learn from you, are inspired by you and find the community you’ve created to be a place where they feel comfortable being themselves.
To answer your question in your response above – could you have helped more people by staying in HR and making it work? 100% NO. HR is a noble profession and provides a great opportunity to help people, but not even in the largest organization could you have reached so many and used your talents so well as you do here and elsewhere on the interwebs every day.
So I think this place – PRHR – is what you’ve been preparing for all of your life – for right now. As someone who’s been a subscriber from the humble beginnings of Team Building is for Suckers, I’ve watched you grow, been inspired by you and continue to learn from you. And I’m excited to see what the future holds for you – and also excited that you’ve discovered Ann Taylor.
I read this post early this morning and though, eh, I won’t have anything to add to that. I check back a few hours later, and boy did it go a different direction than I expected.
First of all, I would challenge the notion that you weren’t solving world problems. Human resources affects everyone, and with the state of our economy, it is in the top 5 of world problems. My guess is that, back then, you were objecting to the corporate status quo, as you continue to do, which is very necessary for the problem to be solved. Someone needs to do it.
Second, I have heard it a million times here on PRHR that HR is not about workers. It is about making money for the company. As much as you are all about making money, Laurie, you are also all about people. I see you as someone who holds corporate HR’s feet to the fire about treating their people like crap. If you ever go back to corporate HR, you will still struggle with that whole dynamic–it is too much a part of you. Being on the inside will not make you more effective in trying to fix it. It will just make you more frustrated.
Let me give you an example, that some will probably quibble with. Al Gore. As a politician, he was not really able to do anything too unique. But since getting out of politics, he has been able to to so much more.
There are times that knowing the inside makes you a much more effective leader when you get on the outside, where you can really promote change.
Oh, and, sorry. But no human will ever be a VP over a cat. Just sayin’.
OK, I’m confused, too. I lost my job as part of round gajillion of layoffs and yeah, the last thing I wanted was a company photo. So why would the VP have wanted a photo again? Not saying you shouldn’t have sucked it up and gone along because sometimes you just gotta do that (or at least come up with a tactful excuse), but why did the VP want your photo? Or anyone’s?
BTW, you look great in that photo so shut up.
I’m always searching for the lower priced muumuu. Thanks for the tip.
And on whether you could have impacted people more staying inside? You might impact people more directly, but it’d be far fewer people.
I have made a difference in every place I’ve worked in my career, I have loved what I do for 15 years – but I realized I needed to follow my heart, and stop doing what I’m doing, because at the end of every day, the mud and the muck and the stupidity (unwillingness to learn) make me grouchy. And mediocre.
And I can make a difference in people’s lives in another way, that makes ME happier.
Your spirit is what has pushed me in the last months to get off my toocus (how DO you spell that??) and make this happen.
So, don’t be thinking you don’t impact people, my friend.
@Laurie Dan Quayle was a VP:
I have made good judgements in the past. I have made good judgements in the future.
Dan Quayle
——hilarious!
1. Whatever is, is right. (Alexander Pope)
2. The intention behind your writing ceases to matter once it gets read. Then, only our inferences matter. And we infer good things from you.
3. Do the most good from where you are right now.
4. Regret doesn’t move you forward. Look in a mirror, say “way to go, ya goof,” and leave it there.
Man, I hope Talbots is listening. They are one of the few alternatives for plus size women (43% of women, btw) and they put out some butt-ugly stuff that can’t be dressed up with jewelry or shoes. They said they updated the cut of their pants last season, but they didn’t. Their pants say “I’m 75 and live in Tampa” no matter what.
Oh and guess what — you look fine in that picture. Maybe not Fi-zine. But not too bad. We beat ourselves up about that stuff way too much.
You have matured. And you look better. I had a bad boss a few years back and embarked on a full-fledged smear campaign. I still fantasize about mowing her down with a monster truck. Like you, I should grow up and let it go.
I’ll think about it.
Psychologists are fond of saying that mistakes are more memorable for the purposes of learning. All the times we perform well, or even way above average tend to run together into one chunk. It is the aberrations that become salient and powerful motivators for change.
I have had plenty of these, though sadly most of mine are in the personal arena, rather that the professional one. Although I bet someone still has a picture of me with a shoulder-length ponytail. I must seek and destroy!
PS I mean “great” as in you have a gorgeous complexion, you have a pretty smile, and if that’s your hair on a bad day, then things could be a lot worse. Nice rack, btw, says the underendowed one who has been hoping for boobs for Christmas since she was 13.
@Chris That photo is a total mess. Word.
@Jen I’m not a big fan of Ann Taylor, actually. I think their clothing line is better than it’s been in the past, but all that made-in-China faux glamor really bothers me. Also, the pants always fall apart.
@BZ Thank you and that’s an awesome comment. Also, for the record, you are so right about Al Gore.
@Gold Digger AFREAKINGMEN. No shit. Who wants a picture of a bunch of coworkers who don’t like you, anyway? Also, why would you ask a company to pay for that kind of garbage going-away gift? Also, at one feedback session, the VP told me that he didn’t think of me as strategic leadership material. I said, “No offense, but your opinion of me doesn’t matter. Your promotion to VP of HR is known as one of the biggest management blunders in our company’s history.” Yeah, that relationship was pretty fucked up. Here, let me pose for a picture.
@Tammy You are too kind. xoxoxo
@MattyMat POTATOE
@Jason The intention behind your writing ceases to matter once it gets read. Then, only our inferences matter. I always get into arguments with Ken about art. It doesn’t necessarily matter what the painter or sculptor intended. We respond with our own set of experiences and biases. I guess that’s true for the blog, too.
@Peopleshark Wait, I’m not always mature — but I always win. I have stories. Good ones. Martinis on me and we’ll trade stories.
@George Most of my mistakes are personal, too. I’ll join your club.
@GoldDigger The boobs are a blessing and a curse. Also, you lose weight and turn 35 and they sag. #fact
I think you’re being too self-judgy on the “before” photo…..but this is the definition of “transformative.”
I’m not talkin’ about the Talbots….I’m talking about the fact that you have a mask on in that picture (fakey smiley) that I’ve never seen before. I don’t hear it in your voice or read that in your words now. That’s a WIN.
And I think you’re right – it’s a shame that your org lost your voice. Dissent can be incredibly good for a company’s long term health (vs watching the lemmings all tumble off of the cliff). But I also believe that there are times that the way out is…….well, OUT. Walking away with honor.
Wish I could have a do-over on how things went down after I was laid off. But as grandma used to say (after a few drinks), just wish in one hand and….well, you know the drill. I’ve finally learned the value of mistakes and errors (instead of beating myself up for making them).
@Patrick I’m so glad you notice my fake smile and the transformation. Thank you. If I can transform from an angry 90s college feminist to a corporate HR schmuck and back to a punk rock girl, anyone can do it. I really believe that the mind is everything. What you think you become. That’s the Buddha, I think. It feels so right to me.
Also, I miss eating a box of donuts in my car for no reason except that it was Tuesday and I was bored at work and needed a break.
I certainly agree that nobody should opt for mediocre donuts. Oh, wait, you said “mediocrity and donuts.” Never mind.
All the commenters are right. Your smile does look a bit forced. I think you do look better now, in a more comfortable, out there sort of way. Speaking of out there, even I liked your last video right before the Super Bowl, where you showcased your, you know, t-shirt. I am thinking Mr PunkRock was behind the camera on that one. Now, that was hilarious.
And I’ll have you know that I am a true workplace baby-boomer, I wear all black and have a cute little goatee, so why do you think I have a frumpy, Talbot-wearing wife?
Years from now this is going to be one of your favorite pictures…
Love your honesty
@Ann Thanks.
@Jackie It’s totally my favorite picture now. Damn, those pants were comfortable AND wrinkle free.
@GL Mr. Punk Rock HR doesn’t want anything to do with this blog. It was me and a webcam. Shush of the Talbots hating. Your wife can wear whatever she wants.
@SCG There is no such thing as a mediocre donut.
I’m glad I read this when I did…I have been working diligently on my new and improved resume for the last couple of weeks and practicing my “walk-out” speech for the last several months. I have basically been stripped of all public appearances in the last two years and my few remaining training responsibilities have been given to my bosses friend, who he hired as the part-time courier for our company. When I confronted him on the matter, he said I lacked the knowledge to train on safety matters, so I kindly pointed out that I could’ve been sent out for training on “safety” as he and his friend had been. He had no comment. Now, mind you, I had been training on a variety of other subjects for two years prior to this. This was the last straw for me and I had planned to rip him a new one when I left the company, but now I think that wouldn’t be wise. It would’ve been fun…but not wise.
@Kim The walk-out speech never feels as good in real life as it does in your mind. I learned this the hard way. Hang in there. xoxo
I love the reflection! It’s funny, but when I look back at my old HR life I see the same thing…I was wearing effin Dockers and a golf sweater, now I’m wearing 7 Jeans and Dolce Gabanna (jk) but I think I have somewhat more individualistic style…muse