Holiday weekends are for catching up on celebrity gossip — or so I thought until I saw an article about parents in North Dakota who are allowed to take their babies to work (as described in the latest edition of People Magazine).
Oh crap, I thought, it’s bad enough to endure high school internships and TYCTW events. Now there are babies in the cubicles?! Good god.
Maybe I’m clueless, but I assume that people go to work to avoid their kids. You spend 18 hours a day with your monsters — why would you invite that kind of chaos into the workforce?
I am, however, somewhat sympathetic to working parents who struggle to find qualified and affordable childcare providers. I know it’s tough to find a decent human being who won’t beat your children or let them eat yummy, lead-based paint chips for lunch; however, I’m not sure that parenting in the workforce is the thoughtful and comprehensive solution that’s needed for America’s workers.
Moreover, your workplace is a haven of germs & viruses. Your coworkers are gross and never wash their hands. The surfaces in your office are rarely (if ever) cleaned & disinfected properly. Do you want to exposure your kids to e.coli and salmonella via the community food table?
Also, what about respecting people who come to work and choose not to have children? How do you accommodate their needs? Where do you toss the dirty diapers? What do you do with a colicky baby? What about children with colds and the flu?
It’s bad enough that I catch your kid’s back-to-school cold, every September. Now I have to smell your new baby’s stinky poops?!
Dudz, let’s keep the babies at home with Baby Einstein toys and lots of television. That’s where they belong (and that’s where they are comfortable & safe). If you have childcare issues, please advocate for common-sense solutions such as telecommuniting, increased parental leave, thoughtful expansion of FMLA, more access to dependent care FSA programs, and better access to Head Start programs. Those are a win/win solutions for employers and your fellow employees.
Please, I beg you, keep the babies at home — or I’m going to demand equal access and bring my five cats to work!
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Hey, just for the record, telecommuting is no solution to an ongoing need for childcare. People who telecommute with small children in their houses still need other rational human beings around to care for those small children. I have found that it’s possible to have my twelve year old around while I work — it turns out that disgusted eyerolling isn’t that disruptive to a conference call. But the under four set? Forget it. She seems to want some sort of “mothering” from me. I know, it’s crazy. So I send her out and pay nice people to pay attention to her all day while I sit at home in my slippers.
Maybe I’m an ogre, but I think this is absolutely insane. The distracting level of noise a kid (sometimes) makes is a level of noise that generally wouldn’t be tolerated if an adult coworker were producing it, and I don’t buy the idea that parents will work at the same level of productivity as they would if their kid weren’t right there. I’m all for a reasonable level of flexibility, but this is crazy talk.
I’m with you guys. When the bring your dog movement started up, I thought it would be great, but it turns out that it depends on the dog. Dog at work is only possible if dog pretty much sleeps at work and doesn’t feel the need to follow you every time you get up to get coffee or go to the bathroom or photocopier and doesn’t whine or bark when you want to leave the office for a few minutes and shut the door. I can’t imagine babies being quiet for 8-9 hours or toddlers being willing to sit still. Even older kids have been a distraction, though they are often quiet. At least for me, I can’t NOT pay attention when there’s a child in the room. My senses go on the alert, monitoring for child safety or distress. It ruins my focus. You could make a case for allowing quiet pets and kids, but doesn’t everyone think their baby is perfect? Better just to keep them all out as a regular practice.
There’s a reason I’m not a stay-at-home-mom. I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I give thanks to those women who can, but it’s so not me. Ever. And since they are so good at it, I pay them to watch my kids. See how that works?
Why in the hell would I want to bring those kids with me to work? It’s bad enough when they do stop by… they end up touching EVERY. SINGLE. THING. on my desk.
Not to mention the unsolicited advice I’m already getting from my 10-going-on-30 year old son who thinks he’s got employment law aced. Like I need more of that? I already get that from my co-workers.
I love my children. I do. They are my life. And if I want to stay alive, I need time away from them… and the cast of High School Musical and SpongeBob Squarepants. Thank you.
If the kids are old enough to be useful (and young enough to still want to be useful), then I don’t mind. My boss had to bring her 8-year old daughter to work one day. She shredded old personnel files, $1 a bag. My boss didn’t have to arrange for emergency daycare, I didn’t have to spend my time shredding, and the kid earned some cash towards new video games.
Kids in the screaming stage, though – ugh. We get enough of those professionally. (how a child-hater like me wound up working for a hospital Pediatrics department with a busy outpatient clinic… )
I’m happy with dogs in the workplace. One of my first jobs was doing desktop publishing for a small family-owned printing firm. One of the family members bred Dalmatians, and I shared the office with six of them. Best co-workers I’ve ever had.
Wow, I can identify with this dilemma. The closest I ever got to bringing my children to work was bringing my 4-year old to the same preschool where I worked. She was an adorable blondie with allergies and asthma, and being at the preschool where I worked but not being able to be in my class stressed her out, made her cry, and gave her asthma. So I gave it up and have been a stay at home mom ever since.
The NYT has an interesting article about some parents at Google who are agitated that they’re changing child care providers, and doubling the cost. My guess is that if Google was supplying child care, they did it to keep the employee at work longer.
I have to admit I’ve had my kid at work, in particular when she was under 6 months old and I was nursing. Yes, you can pump, but it really doesn’t work the same, and, to be honest, since I went back to work when she was 2 weeks old and traveled constantly, a little flexibility on the part of my employer was in order. She also went on work-related trips with me for the first three months – I’d pay for my partner’s ticket and they’d hang out in some Hampton Inn in shit-suburb of major industrial city just so I could keep my nursing relationship with my kid. Glamor!
FWIW, when kiddo came up to the office, I had an office with a door and partner would just bring her in at lunch – we didn’t parade her around or anything, just past the receptionist, to my office, then lunch and nursing and bye bye until whatever time I got home, usually well after her bed time. No one ever said anything about it and I’m glad I did it. I wouldn’t begrudge any working parent 30 minutes a day with their child, as long as no one else was distracted.
I don’t mind when kids make stop-in visits, like before the fam all goes out for lunch break. But I wouldn’t want to work in a place with kids present. Work is my only kid-free time of the day.
But I HATE the idea of dogs at work. First off, I’m allergic to them. Secondly, I think dog breath is the foulest of all things on earth. Not to mention where I live there is a hefty amount of folks who believe that dog messes leave via the Poop Fairy, so it just gets left behind. Keep all of your ‘ccessories home, people!
Keep your kiddos and pets at home, please. Like Robyn said: I can’t NOT pay attention to a kid and/or animal when it’s in the room. I’m terribly afraid they are going to be hurt or harassed or not have their needs met and only be ME watching them will they ever be ok.
As an HR person who has administered tons of fed and state leave, expansion of FMLA scares the crap out of me. As a person who hopes to have children someday, it sounds great. How do I reconcile these feelings?!
Holy crackers, I think I need therapy.
HR Wench, when people talk about increased federal legislation affecting employment, I say bring it! More complex problems = greater need for experts like us, and maybe more $$$$.
Here’s a link to some interesting discussion about Google’s childcare woes at Metafilter.
http://www.metafilter.com/73056/Is-Day-Care-a-luxury-or-a-benefit
(Devolves into trolling eventually but still compelling to read what our geekier potential employees think about the daycare-as-a-benefit idea, and about google as an employer.)
One of my managers who occupies the cube next to me often has his two daughters in the office for various reasons, and they hang out and “play” in his cube for however long they’re there. They are a bit older, I’m guessing 6 and 8, so not toddlers, but I swear if I have to smell those dry erase markers all day long again, I’m going to hide every single one with 50 miles. No child, no matter the age, is going to be quiet ALL the time. I frequently hear other people’s kids squealing and running in the halls when the wife drops by to go to lunch with hubby. Honestly, people, meet the spouse and kiddos in the parking lot, or at the front reception area. Somehow, as a woman, people just expect that I’m going to want to meet their little darlings, and will joyfully watch over them “for a minute” when they have to do X, Y, or Z. I may have two X chromosomes, but that does not = perpetual babysitter. I’ve already raised my kids, you raise yours.
@stella That’s a good point about telecommuting & working from home. Kids are kids and require attention, regardless of your work arrangements. I love the idea of working from home and sending the kids to daycare. Brilliant!
@askamanager Some people think that the american workforce is in decline because our employees feel entitled to everything. I say the workforce is in decline because we try to fit a square peg into a roud hole. The solution to childcare issues isn’t to bring kids into the office on a regular basis. Duh!
@Robyn My friend’s dog took a huge crap outside of her boss’s office and she had to spend part of her day cleaning it up. Thanks but no thanks.
@Jensmack LOL, your ten year old sounds like many CFOs I know. Rolling of the eyes, pretending like they know about HR when they don’t, etc.
@perrik I think dogs or kids in the office work when it’s a smaller, more laid back environment. Expectations must be set — and people can’t be rude. Putting a kid or a dog in the middle of my old office in Manhattan? Wouldn’t work.
@FrannyO I have a link to a blogger (in my post above but I’ll link to it, again) who wrote about google. He wrote DON’T MESS WITH DAYCARE. I couldn’t say it better. I agree that you can have kids in the office or traveling with you, but I don’t know how it works as a regular practice and/or without a thoughtful partner who can help. (Also, you win the prize for being the first person to write PUMP AND DUMP on my blog!)
@Maleesha I think dogs/cats/ferrets in the workplace can be tricky for those of us with allergies (& mine are severe even though I have five cats!); however, I’m also sensitive to smoke and certain perfumes and I make it to work. I like the spirit of dogs at work more than I like the implementation of the plan.
@hrWench I think you need martini therapy. Thankfully, I have my PhD in martinis.
@FrannyOx2 Thanks for the link!
@DigitalDame I hate the assumption that every woman has a natural knack for babysitting and mothering. It doesn’t take a village to raise your kids, chumpsters!!
Ok, I’m guilty, guilty, GUILTY of bringing my baby to work. But, in all fairness, it worked out well for both my employer and myself. I think the “depends upon the dog” comment works equally well when it comes to children.
One, I gave birth nearly two months early and had not trained my fill-in as of yet. I ran payroll. Payroll needed to be done. I gave birth on a Wednesday and was back to work the following Monday (sans baby, he was in the NICU.) Before you start calling me crazy, just remember this: I wanted to get paid too.
Two, my employer and I worked out an arrangement that suited us both. For the first three months (the amount of time I was entitled for maternity leave) I was switched to non-exempt status and on flex-time, taking care of the essentials and allowed to bring the nubbin in with me. He had his own set up in the corner of my office. There was a door. There was a Economy size pump of sanitizer for any visitors. There were plenty of plastic bags to take care of diapers. There was a sling to “wear” him when I needed to do property walks, get lunch, or just have him close. And there was a brand new baby who pretty much slept the entire time.
Three, I’m fortunate enough that he was a good baby. He ate, he slept, he pooped–normal baby stuff. But he never fussed for the sake of fussing. If he cried he was hungry or dirty and wanted something done about it. When something was, he was fine and went back to sleep. It may have been attributed to the fact he was preemie and needed to spend all of his time growing, but I wouldn’t suggest it for everyone.
When my “Maternity Leave” ended, the nubbin went to daycare and the pump came into work with me instead. I can be honest that the amount of time spent assembling, using, and then cleaning the pump probably equaled the amount of time I spent “away” from work taking care of an infant who slept half the day away.
And he was missed.
He had become the office mascot. So when the boss asked, I said yes, and continued to bring him into work with me, one day a week until he was six months old. He had his own nametag, listing him as my assistant, his name even went on the schedule, lol. He was truly welcomed, and even though I don’t work there anymore, I still get emails from my former co-workers asking for updates.
So it worked for me in my situation, but I can’t see it working for every parent, every baby, and every workplace. It worked for me because my employer was understanding, I tried to be considerate about how this exception impacted them, and I had a quiet, low maintenance baby.
Not everyone is so lucky.
I think people actually go to work not so much to avoid their kids, but because they have been brainwashed into thinking that this is the way things are. That humanity and people should be segregated by age, as in “you are this age, so you will be in this grade”. Kids and older, wiser citizens are relegated to institutions while we float off to “work” so we can buy more stupid shit that we don’t need.
Sounds like a bunch of domesticated pets to me.
If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. If you don’t want to live in a society with people of other ages, please take yourself out of it and save the resources for the rest of us who appreciate life.
If life was real in this culture, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. But it’s a really relevant subject for a phony, artificial, detached culture.
Wow, Diane, you are totally punk rock. I really appreciate your comments. It’s not that I dont want to live in a society with people of other ages; however, I don’t want to spend all of my time slaving away at work for my own personal reasons and then slaving next to someone who is slaving away for their children. It’s depressing, yo.
Keep your depressing reminder of humanity away from me!
@Jules You sound like a smart woman with a great work environment. Another example of how common sense & flexibility makes everything okay.
And believe me, I don’t always love being with my kids 24/7, but I accept it. I learn more from them than any of the boneheads I ever worked with, because the kids are closer to the “source”.
Also, I used the word “you”, but I sort of meant people in general, not you in particular. I should have made that more clear. I think there are many work situations that totally don’t fit with having kids around, as you say.
You’re funny and sharp, and I appreciate your sarcasm!
Diane, your points are great. Your comments and awesomeness are appreciated and welcomed ANY TIME. Thanks for being a reader!
I’m wondering if the company supplies the diaper genie – or you have to bring y our own. I had a friend who had a fake diaper genie that never really worked well and her whole house smelled like – well, you know.
Suzanne, what the hell is a fake Diaper Gene? Like, it wants to be a Diaper Gene but it doesn’t have the education or the credentials?
I don’t believe in Diaper Genies. I believe in nannies and outsourcing babies.
Jules, my hat is off to you, girlfriend. You sound like you really had it under control, with a lot of obstacles to overcome. I doubt I would have been as together under the same circumstances.
I agree with “leave the kids at home.” Sorry, but there are enough complications in the workplace as it is – why should your coworkers have to accommodate your children? It’s an unreasonable expectation to place on other employees, and will likely create tension and resentment, in addition to distracting from the work.
I know that times are hard for employers, but that’s all the more reason to think twice before implementing a benefit that benefits only a handful of employees. Put your energy and resources towards those benefits that all your employees can access. I really dislike the whole “family-friendly” policy trend – what about just “people-friendly” policies? If flexible schedules are possible for parents to spend more time with their kids or leave early for a baseball game, then flexible schedules should be possible for others who want to take a class, go to yoga, whatever.
@digital dame
you don’t know the half of it!
@Laurie Back in the Jane Austen’s day, babies and small children (middle-class and higher, of course) were outsourced to wet nurses, nursery maids, and tutors/governesses. Ah, the good old days, when you gave birth and then didn’t have to deal with the kids again until they were 16 or so.
Sometimes its a good thing to bring your kids to work, then instead of missing the day you bring them with you.
You have a funny blog, and I guess my comment somewhat deters from that, but you hit on the serious demands of family versus work.
I understand the demands of the workplace, but I understand also the demands of parents. Infancy in my experience is about the least distracting time you will have with your kid. I have done many things with a baby over my shoulder, on my lap, sleeping. When they start running around, it’s harder. Maybe a good use for your high school interns… kiddie corral. It is amazing, also, how well kids can adapt to the situations they are in if they are treated like human beings, and not mere nuisances.
I know the usual arguments about family versus work: think before you have kids, use birth control, moms belong at home, don’t get divorced, etc. I’ve heard them all. Life is not always that neat and orderly. Try this, for example: think before you have a crippled kid. If only things always went according to plan.
Advocate we do… Amazing how productive some of us can be in our mission to change the world, even with a few screaming kids surrounding us, including one who is very verbal (“Fuck you fucking computer!”), kicking holes in the wall when his computer program does not produce the desired effect, and another who is nonverbal but LOUD, weighs 120, is not toilet trained, and has the toddler-like curiosity to scout out whatever is left out on the kitchen counter–a boy with the height and strength to do major damage in a short time. It can be distracting in the short-term, but believe it or not, it is not impossible. Fortunately, my state representative and senator’s aides were understanding when they overheard the commotion on my end the last time I called to ask for important 2009 fiscal year budget considerations. I am glad someone is understanding, and they even managed to fund a few important line items quite nicely. But I digress.
Now, I know that many do not want child-centered chaos in the workplace, considering that some of us use work as our own personal respite (I never knew that tea and a photocopier could be so soothing). Damned expensive respite care, at least in past jobs, working hard so I could pay MORE for childcare–hardly helped pay the mortgage, and as much as I enjoyed adult interaction and being thanked once in a while for work I did, I had to give it up. The year that followed was the hardest of my entire life, and resulted ultimately in my decision to give up custody of one, the most needy, the one I could never find affordable help for. My heart still breaks over that decision. If only I were rich and didn’t have to work… or if or if only my employer back then had been more flexible.
Caregiving for a family member who cannot be independent is becoming a more and more common situation. It is not just about children, but also spouses, aging parents, etc. I think we need a whole new way of thinking about the workplace, and ways that more people can keep jobs (or get jobs–many people with disabilities themselves would love to find something more interesting than the couch or sheltered workshop offered to them now). We rightfully are keeping more people in the community. We need more supports to do this. And before anyone says that it’s someone else’s problem, remember this: we are all only temporarily abled.
Okay, let me get down from this soapbox now.
@Renee There is no universal approach that will make every employee happy. I say — pay people to work. Pay them lots. Work = Money. Nothing more, nothing less.
@perrik Ah, you make me sentimental for the days when doctors didn’t wash their hands and women couldn’t inherit property.
@babyboy True. Sometimes it’s okay to bring children to work. Not every day, though.
@wordsmythe I can’t disagree with anything you’ve written, especially the part about being temporarily abled. So true. Thanks for being on your soap box because that was awesome.