I receive all kinds of email messages from employees who are conflicted and troubled by workplace behaviors. Hostile managers. Angry co-workers. Financial shenanigans. Stupid behavior on the part of workers, managers, and executives.
I am not a business ethics professor with my PhD in psychology, but I read these email messages and I am always reminded of the first time I learned a lesson about ethics.
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When I was in seventh grade, I was a crossing guard at the corner of Roscoe and Monticello. This was back in the day when you could send your kid out at 7:15AM to stand in traffic on a side-street of Chicago while wearing an orange belt across her winter jacket. I felt very empowered.
Anyway, I was standing at the corner trying to mind my own business when I overheard an older boy tell another girl that she was a slut.
That’s right. We had a slut among us at St. Wenceslaus in 1987. Scandal.
Now this boy was cute, and I wanted him to think I was pretty, and I wasn’t even sure what he meant. How did he know that this girl was a slut? What’s this all about? Do you have to kiss someone with your mouth open to be a slut?
Before I could explore these deep thoughts, the girl started to cry. She sobbed, actually, and the boy smiled.
Ugh. It was so complicated. I winced and hoped it would all go away.
*
Unfortunately, the girl reported the incident to the meanest nun in the planet, Sister Elizabeth. Naturally, there was an investigation. For the record, nuns are just like HR professionals — they want to get involved and document shit like it’s an OSHA compliance investigation.
I was called into the nun’s classroom and asked about the facts of the case. Simply put, Sister Elizabeth wanted to know if I overheard the tawdry language.
And what did I say? Well, it was tough. I liked the boy. He was cute. I didn’t want to see him get in trouble. I didn’t want to get involved. I wasn’t really sure if the girl was a slut. So I said no, no way, I didn’t hear a thing. Keep moving. Nothing to see here.
There was silence.
Sister Elizabeth took one look at me and said, “Let me tell you something, Lauren. No boy would ever do this for you.”
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Snap.
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I know that the nun was trying to teach me a lesson about feminism and gender equality, but I think about this story when people ask me if they should report unethical behavior in the workforce.
- I know you like some of your coworkers.
- Times are tough.
- You need your job.
- You don’t know the facts and you don’t want to get involved.
Should you report unethical behavior? Should you say something when you see another colleague being mistreated? I can’t answer those question for you, but I can advise you that Sister Elizabeth was right. No man has ever covered for me in the way I covered for this boy, and I did this young girl a disservice by not standing up and corroborating her story.
I also did a disservice to this boy. He got away with being a dick at such a young age. He is probably somebody’s dickish boss. Saying stupid things. Getting away with it.
See what happens when you stand on the sidelines? Even at the age of twelve, it’s pretty clear that doing the right thing is always the right answer.
Someone has to stop the cycle of stupidity in life & in the workforce. Why not you?
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Great analogy, and great lesson here. Thank you.
What I’ve struggled with sometimes is the unspoken hostility. You know someone has bullying tendencies because you see it in the effect they have on you and on your co-workers. But they don’t come right out and call you the workplace equivalent of a slut, it’s all more subtle, an orchestration of body language, facial expression, unreasonable deadlines and keenly chosen negative “feedback” given at unpredictable moments.
Excellent post. I’ve seen too many times where people say “it’s not about me” so they choose to ignore others behaving badly.
Bravo Laurie- Agree with Tess- the item she describes (the bully) in Corporate America- that gets promoted inside a culture that supports the environment, feels unstoppable at times. I do believe it started on the playground.
Wow, what an amazing and powerful post. I love it when you can get a point across with a simple story.
Have a wonderful holiday Miss Laurie!!
I think that even when we try, it is very difficult for men to appreciate ir understand the subtle or not-so subtle pressures that woman face in the work environment. This applies to race, etc as well.
I remember being engaged in a discussion about this with a woman who was an out lesbian, thereby facing even more pressures. This would have been in the mid-90′s. I asked her to try to give me an example of what she meant when she said “We live with subtle fears.”
She asked me” “Have ever walked to an unlocked car in a parking lot at night by yourself?”
Me: yes
Her: “Do you make sure you have your keys in hand to defend your self before you go out the door, or your pepper spray?”
Me: “No”
Her: “Welcome to your world of white male privilege”
It’s our job to be unpopular sometimes, especially when your in a senior practitionar role…if your unwilling to do so your in the wrong vocation…it goes beyond gender, but your happen to be right…many of the folks who got away with it then…are getting away with it now….great post…
M
Brilliant post – since the beginning of time the greatest of moral lessons are taught by the simplest of stories. You my friend are on your way to earning a place in the pantheon of great storytellers….
Happy Holidays!
PS I always detected a touch of overdone Catholic in your writing… takes one to know one
Luv this post because it rings dear in my heart and also because I’m in the process of updating the companies Code of Ethics policy. Here are my thoughts: Understand this, by standing idle by the way side, know that you are taking a stance….you are not remaining neutral, you are sending a message that whats happening is okay by you…if you see your co-worker stealing and you dont report it, you are saying that “stealing is okay by you” is that the message you want to send out there???? Also, unethical behavior does not necessarily mean that its illegal behavior, on the contrary, just because its legal doesn’t make it right.
“To stop the cycle of stupidity in life & in the workforce” is exactly the reason I pursued an HR career. I am Sister Elizabeth.
Great story & Happy Holidays.
Wonderful piece. It’s easy to forget all the little incidents we’ve been party to over time but not responded to when we had the chance.
I love it when you show off your writing skillz. Well written and makes a great point.
You are made of awesome. What a perfect post on a day when so many people (Christian and non-Christian) are playing holier than thou and clobbering each other over the head with their beliefs when it’s the people (Christian and non-Christian) who try to do the right thing in difficult situations who prove the value of their belief systems far more than anyone in the former category.
Awesome post and story. Not only do I do my best to convince people to stand up for what they see as wrong but I also have a 13-year old, 7th grader (also Catholic but not a crossing guard). I am going to print and make her read this post. It is very powerful on many levels: being a woman/girl, an employee/employer, HR professional and a human being.
Fabulous Story. It’s amazing what we do for people who wouldn’t do the same for us, or for people who just don’t deserve it.
Great thought provoking piece, Laurie. On a side note, I was thinking something similar last week when a fringe relative asked me to ‘just tell’ the bank that he worked for me, so he could get a home loan, “we need this,” he said.
Without thinking (apparently to him), I said no. He could not believe it. I know his family. And I know that they have a problem with their grade school kids lying, small white lies, but lies.
No wonder, right?
Here is the question, a take off on your sitting on the sidelines issues. Do I confront him? I am older but not much. I am not his dad, or priest. But….
This concerns me.
Wow, I left comments to each response — and my response to your responses is gone. I think we’re all on the same boat here.
I hate lecturing about ‘doing the right thing’ because I don’t always pass the test, myself. I just wonder how we find ourselves in these predicaments, anyway. Oh, and GL, don’t confront him. You said no. If he wants a follow-up answer to your response, give it to him. I just think that 99% of people in your fringe relative’s situation don’t care about your reasoning. They just want you to shut up and be a reference or whatnot.
I stood up for a co-worker in her grievance again our boss who was a bully to everyone in the office. Out of 6 people, 3 coworkers said to my coworker keep your mouth shut and deal with it. The other three said to my coworker to report the abuse. I followed up with my own grievance against the boss. HR never reported the finding to me about my grievance again the boss. HR wanted my coworker to continue working for the bully boss but when my coworker filled a police report for the boss assaulting her and went to our security department the boss “resigned.” I was told, as were all my coworkers, if we ever talked about this to anyone, coworkers, family, or friends it would be grounds for dismissal.
I got into an argument (one of many) with my husband’s father last weekend when he very self-righteously (as usual) said he always tips in cash. Why? I asked.
So the waiter doesn’t have to pay taxes on the tips, he answered.
But I have to pay taxes on the money I earn, I said. Why shouldn’t the waiter? Why are you helping someone cheat on his taxes? Someone who will cheat on his taxes will do anything, I told him.
He had no answer to that.
A regretably but real example. The most difficult part of this story is that co-workers hold the edge in a workplace environment simply because they know where to find complainant making retaliation easy. They probably enjoy some political influence.
The concern with honest individuals revolves around real Maslow questions; if I stand up for what’s right who will come to my aid. Reticent decision making is the tactic of survival particularly in a workplace setting where access is convenient and workplace politics over ride the desire to risk subsequent harassment, sure to come.
You are now the victim of psychological fallout.