This guy likes weather.
We have an important topic, today, that emerged from my latest conference in Chicago. I met a guy who told me that there is one thing that unites humanity. It’s weather.
- No matter where you are or what you do, you experience some aspect of the meteorological cycle.
- When we reach for something to talk about, no matter where we are in the world or who we’re talking to, we reach for the weather.
- Weather is the universal ice breaker.
And this guy? He hates it. He wants to find something else, other than weather, to break the mothereffin ice. So I’m enlisting your support.
Do we have one universal ice breaker that works in all countries, cultures, and regions? Is it weather? Can we replace it? Should we replace it? What would we replace it with?
It’s Friday — and the forecast is 60 degrees in sunny in Raleigh. Rats, I can’t get this concept out of my brain. Have a drink, kick back, and contemplate the weather, humanity, and awkward small talk.
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I get that weather’s BIG as the universal ice breaker, but I’m sitting here thinking about small talk in South Africa. If you’re talking to white people there’s a good chance that weather will be the topic. However, traditionally many black Africans begin conversations by asking how your family is doing. People are thought of as situated within larger groups of people. The concept in South Africa is called Ubuntu–where a person is a person because of people–and other Africans have versions of the same ideas. I think there are Americans who have inherited this cultural legacy too–think Southern hospitality (influenced by Africans and their descendants) where asking about family can get a conversation started.
I’ve got to say, the older I get, the more I am absolutely fascinated by the weather. I really do find myself talking about it more and more.
That said, whenever I need an ice breaker, I usually turn to music. You can learn a heck of a lot about someone just by asking them about the last few songs on their ipod/last (or best) concert/etc. and letting the conversation flow from there.
Everyone loves music, and if they don’t, I don’t feel bad about finding someone else to talk to.
I would say that sex and family (but not together) also unites humanity, but both tend to be a little more hot topic than the weather. People also like to talk about themselves.
How bout them Yankees? Hmmmm, probably not a great uniter
I like talking about the weather and seems as if everyone else does too. I’m sticking with it.
It’s going to be a little chilly today in Northern NJ but we are in for a glorious, sunny crisp weekend.
Canton, OH weather for today:Abundant sunshine. High near 50F. I like that positive, cheery remark from Weather.com–Abundant sunshine. Sweet and Pollyanna-ish and sets a good tone for my day.
My other favorite universal topic is critters. All the cool people have a pet story to share, and we all get to a place of fun or mushiness when we talk about them.
For a change it actually looks nice in Lexington.
Universal topics…
Use to be how bad GWB sucked..
Being broke?
Love
Don’t like the weather? Wait a minute, it will change.
ARGH, every place I’ve ever lived think they have a copyright on this phrase.
I would guess weather as an ice breaker dates back to the days when we were a more rural society. But it is universal.
I’m no help.
Ah, that not so fine line between banality and sincerity…
How about:
Who are, what do you do, and why should I care?
Universal topics?
Food and Alcohol
I’ve come to realize that anywhere I go, there is a 50% chance of rain. It either will rain, or it won’t rain.
Math – I’m doin it right…
As for another topic to break the ice, I think that it is getting easier in our world to find another topic with technology and people everywhere (with the exception of my parents) being inter-connected. The internets, smart phones, 1000 tv channels give everyone the news. People find out about things pretty quickly so there are more things to talk about with people.
Unfortunately those other topics tend to be surrounding bad news. Where were you when the Challenger exploded? On 9-11? When Farrah Fawcett died, or later that afternoon when Michael Jackson died?
Or if you’re really reaching for a topic, you can talk about me.
Food and the location of the nearest bathroom. “Are there any snacks? How’s the coffee? Have you had lunch yet” “Where’s the loo/WC/toilet/alley way?”
I’m with DanFlan — anything related to food. Or lack of food.
Weather is good because (a) it’s a constant option — it’s not like on some days there’s nothing you can say about the weather, (b) it gives you a way to make conversation with a stranger without getting too personal or inviting them to get more personal than you want, and (c) everyone has an opinion on it.
But yeah, it’s banal.
My husband is British and every time I visit the UK people generally say as a greeting “You okay? ” Which always throws me off guard and makes me think that I must have a look about me that says I do not look okay. In the USA we usually say “Are you okay?” if something looks like it’s wrong. So maybe that’s the Brits way of trying to start a conversation, however most of the time they say it in passing and they don’t hang around to hear your answer. I had to get used to the fact that they weren’t really asking me if I was really okay but just saying hello. Icebreakers that usually work for me, especially in different countries where I don’t know the language, are to either start talking about animals or to pull out a picture of my pets and go from there. Which usually leads to finding the nearest pub and talking about tasty beverages.
When I go to conferences – I always start out the conversation with – “So what have you done for fun here?”
In meeting someone at a regular networking function – could ask them – “What do you do?” to get their professional role – and then follow it up with – “And what do you do for fun?” In many cases, you can uncover a passion.
This is a very interesting topic. I’m always wondering what to talk about when I meet candidates. Because I do not want to open the door for any discrimination issues or get too personal, weather seems to be the best topic. From there I usually talk about the job and/or their experience. It’s hard to stay away from topics like family, etc.
Anyone have any other ideas that won’t get me into trouble?
Jill I have to agree with you on food, we all have to eat, and how we are affected by it good or bad can be a great icebreaker.
But alcohol really isn’t as universal, a lot of people don’t drink for very personal reasons (religion, alcoholism, etc) and have strong opinions against it and you could be opening a can of worms.
My personal universal topic of choice is occupation. What do you do with your time? Where do you do it?
I hate to say it, but what unifies many people (kids and slackers excluded) is “work”!
Go think about that. And you slackers….go do some shit!
Speaking of weather… ever hear the saying “It’s like farmers talking about the weather”? It’s good for those times when we gripe about being affected by something we can’t control.
I don’t think there is a universal small-talk topic. I’ve done business with folks all over the world, and the best approach for me is just to do a bit of research on the local topics of the day and bring them up for conversation.
When I was younger– it was music and drugs.
The older I get– it’s occupation or weather. Than it goes into, back in the day, sharing war stories of sex/drugs/punkrock.
I talk to my 95 yr old grandmother about weather– because she FEELS it–!!!
In this day and age where information is so readily available a little research on any given person will reveal some pertinent personal attributes….and people love talking about their personal interests.
If the conversation is impromptu I suggest:
* What is your favorite album of all time? (OK Computer by Radiohead – of your scoring at home)
- Usually throws people for a loop but allows me to introduce my passion and qualify common ground.
- Dave
What’s your favorite book/author?
I just found a great new recipe for baked gerbils – what’s your favorite dinner?
I raise worms in my back yard – do you have a hobby?
Where are you from originally?
Depending on my mood, I like to use conspiracy theories. There’s no way it has anything to do with the professional event you’re at so it’s a welcome respite, it makes the brain shift gears and wakes you up, and it’s amazing what you can find out about a person during the conversation. Plus, if you ever wind up doing business or having a long term friendship with the person, you’ve got a great intro story. Just be sure to avoid the obviously offensive ones (Jew bankers and the like) and the obviously dumb ones (if it involves anyone that’s ever shown up in a Dan Brown novel) and you should be fine. You can even make one up on the spot if you’re so inclined.
Not sure how universal this would be, but it sure works in America.
The economy. Its bad (but hey so is the weather at times) and it’s something affecting us all.
Also, being a news junkie, I can usually find non-controversial events to discuss. For instance, there’s talk of a “Risk” movie. As in the board game. Seriously.
Typically I will start a conversation with current events – sure is a lot to talk about the last couple of days!
Instead of using the traditional universal ice breakers, I’m a firm believer that small talk is exactly how it is defined: light, meaningless, trivial conversation. Try asking someone “What keeps you awake at night?” or “What’s your biggest challenge in your life”. You’d be surprised how much you can learn and connect with another human being if you genuinely care about their answer. If not, then keep asking about the weather, sports, food, alcohol, yadda yadda yadda. If we all took a little more time to focus on being human beings, life would be a lot more meaningful. Check out Dave Howlett’s RHB program (realhumanbeing.org) and add some #rhb value to your networking.
Interesting topic as we head into our first rain-free weekend in a month . . . .
In DC, the icebreaker is Who Are You, What Do You Do, and Where Do You Do It? (with the unsaid subtext of “How can that help me??”)
But everytime I talk to my parents on the phone, weather is always in the top 2-3 topics.
I’ve always liked the take that Benjamin Zander (conductor of the Boston Philharmonic) said that his dad always had on the weather. He’d say “There’s no such thing as foul weather, only inappropriate clothing.”
I am reading this today and giggling to myself because I had someone ask me (an hour before typing this) “I suppose you don’t know any of those old people up front?” as a means of small talk.
Context: I am a young professional in a administration position at a University, sitting next to an employee that has worked in the institution for over 30years at the ingratiation luncheon for our 14th president.
With his question (and effort to engage in small talk) he opened a door for me to talk about my work at the university.
I don’t really like talking about myself so I do end up talking about the weather (to kick things into gear) but I do love creative way to talk with others. Thanks for the great ideas!
Traffic.
Good ideas, guys, but not a single idea moves me from WEATHER as the universal ice breaker.
Also, my brain hurts.
@Deborah Ubuntu. So interesting. When I think universal, I think global. Weather affects everyone, but not everyone has a family.
@JC Everyone loves music, and if they don’t, I don’t feel bad about finding someone else to talk to. That’s bad ass.
@akabruno Can you break the ice by asking someone to talk about themselves? “Give me an example of a time you were awesome. What did you do? How did you feel? What did you learn from it? How did others respond?”
@Fran I’m with you. Weather it is.
@BZTat I couldn’t talk to my nana about my cats because ‘they are dirty.’ I think a love of critters seems universal but isn’t. That disappoints me.
@Amanda Hmmmm. I hate talking about love. I don’t believe in it. Not romantic love, anyway. I love Ken, I love my cats — but what we think of as “love” is often hormones + chemical reactions in the brain. Mature love is loyalty and honor and commitment. So when I hear people talk about love, I generally puke in my mouth.
This might be next week’s friday theme. What is love?
@Jeff Oh well. You tried.
@Puf If someone asked me who are you/what do you do/why should I care? — I would walk away.
@Jill not everyone drinks. I guess everyone eats, though!
@Glen We’ll stick to the weather.
@Dan Are bathrooms (and poo) universal? Maybe.
@Alison Food is always good but it’s not stripped down to the core and simple like weather.
@HRHooligan I can’t tell you how many people roll their eyes at me when I talk about my cats.
@Sue I know for a fact that FUN is not universal.
@Andrew Weather can’t get you sued. Or can it?
@Jon Alcohol can be a dangerous topic.
@Michael Does everyone work? Not the women in Afghanistan. Taliban don’t allow it — so be careful with your small talk in Kandahar.
@Steve I don’t think there is a universal small-talk topic. Does this include weather? You disagree?
@MattyMat Those topics aren’t universal, though. Those topics are matty-versal!!
@David But is music an ice breaker? I don’t tell people my favorite albums at first — or do I? I dunno. I have to think about this.
@Marsha How about gerbil yams? Ever hear of those?
@Phillip Yeah, uh, conspiracy theories are fun but not as an ice breaker. “I hear the Jew Bankers and the Terrorist Arabs are teaming up with Pelosi, Obama, and the UN to take over Alabama.”
@Steven I love how you know about the Risk movie.
@Bev True but is that universal? Maybe. You just have to know local current events, I guess.
@HRStalker I see your point, but pnly a stalker would meet someone and ask, “What keeps you awake at night?” Answer: stalkers! But #rhb is a good idea. Will do more research.
@Robert “There’s no such thing as foul weather, only inappropriate clothing.” Wow, I love that.
@Michoan LOL, thanks!
@Sabrina Is there traffic in northern Canada? I think that’s a regional, but not universal, ice breaker.
@Laurie Yeah– but I thought I was the center of the universe? ;P
How about these pants? Do they make my ass look big? That’s how I start all of my conversations.
HAHA!
I usually go with a casual “how’s it going”. That sometimes brings up a few safe topics of conversation. I know they are safe because the other party brought them up. If the onus is on me, I usually go with having satisfied my Starbucks fix. talking about coffee is pretty safe too.
@mattymat I had no doubt..
@george Those pants totally make your ass look big.
@Laurie I guess I’m just like to dive a bit deeper up front than most. If I ask someone what their favorite conspiracy theory is and why, and they say “My favorite theory is that Jew Bankers are controlling Obama who is a secret Muslim and will turn the world into a Fascist Socialist Neverland, and it’s my favorite because it’s true” then I know that no matter who they are or what they do, I have no interest in being associated with them in any way whatsoever. It’s also time efficient, since I know I can immediately move on to someone else.
@Laurie What about all those people who work (or otherwise spend all of their time) inside casinos in Vegas? Shoot, I’ve been in those things wide awake at 4:37a while there could have been a simultaneous solar eclipse, hurricane and blizzard right outside and we wouldn’t have ever known. I think they pump oxygen into the air to keep you up for days on end. Or maybe it’s angel dust. I don’t know.
There’s one thing I hate more than talking about the weather – people asking me “How are you?” and then walking away or not even waiting for a response.
I feel like “Hey, how are you?” is many cases has been watered down and we don’t even ask it genuinely. (Now obviously this is different when it comes to our friends & family… but do we REALLY care how you are if I have no idea who you are?) I don’t know what the answer to that is.
I like to sometimes mess with people when they ask me how I am and respond with something like, “Ahhhh crapalicious.” or “I feel like I just starred in my own version of Brigadoon.” and see what they say.
When I was in a sorority in college, we had to learn all types of serious conversation skills and it was really hard for some people… especially when you would talk to that girl who was the equivalent of a brick wall. In fact, a brick wall would at least bounce something back at you.
I like trying to relate to people in some way – complement them (genuinely, of course, don’t be a douche) on something they are wearing). Find out something about them. People are really interesting – Don’t be superficial.
Just my two cents… but this has totally inspired me to write a blog post on this.
Thanks, Laurie!