A note from Indie who is shy about networking.
Wondering if you have any nuggets of advice for how to network for young bucks or for people who just hate doing it.
I graduated from Purdue in May, and after a dead-end internship, I’m back on the job hunt. In college, I always heard that networking was important, but not from professors… and we certainly weren’t advised of the social guidelines of networking. My graduating class is full of people with 1000+ facebook contacts… of other jobless recent grads. Same story with my former SHRM student chapter. Sure, I can email my resume and check in once in a while, but so far… that hasn’t been fruitful.
So where to start? I have attended local professional luncheons, only to feel extremely uncomfortable about introducing myself. What’s the etiquette? Introduce yourself to strangers/possible contacts, get cards, and profess your need for a job? Are seasoned professionals actually willing to help some kid stranger? Especially when the benefit is largely one-sided? I wouldn’t expect a person I met for 5 minutes to recommend me to anyone. But perhaps I’m underestimating people’s kindness…
I’m friendly, but also on the quiet side. I’m willing to get awkward and uncomfortable if it will help me get a job, but I still don’t like the idea of networking.
So what would you suggest for people who are new to networking or who are extremely introverted? Start networking online first? What the hell do you say? Any advice would be appreciated.
Indie, college has failed you. No worries, though. It fails all of us. Here’s the big secret about networking:
- No one likes it. No one. Especially college professors.
I am an extroverted writer, speaker, and micro-cat-celebrity. I have written a few posts on networking because I continue to struggle with it, too. Thankfully, there are people who understand how to make meaningful connections.
- Keith Ferrazzi makes millions from his books on how to eat lunch with people.
- Gary Vaynerchuk advises you to stop being needy and start being helpful. Additionally, he tells you to stop focusing on your own problems and start offering solutions and ideas.
- My friend, Katie Del Guercio, is really good at networking. You can join KODA and talk about your fears, share your concerns about networking etiquette, and ask for tips.
Or you can order Networking For Dummies, which is now in its 8th edition.
I believe in conquering my fears and making a fool out of myself in a big, bold, brash way. Here are my personal (& random) ideas to help you overcome your insecurities about networking in real life.
- Create a blog and write about your struggles with networking. Tell your story. Share what you’ve learned.
- Try new things and live-tweet your experiences. Use a consistent hashtag like #networkingsucks or #ihatenetworking so people can follow your follies.
- Connect my friend, Rebecca, Thornan, who offers 7 networking tips for Generation Y.
The world is weird, you never know when you’ll meet someone important. Be honest, be kind, and be brave. That’s about the best you can do in life.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
C’mon…especially college professors? Ouch!
Indie’s issue with networking is that he/she percieves it as being one sided. Based upon the comments they think it is just a “taking” interaction. Networking becomes easier if you start thinking in terms of how you might help someone. In addition to the excellent names mentioned also check out the work of Harvey Mackay. He is a networking god.
I’m glad you posted this one Laurie, because it’s been the thing that doesn’t click in my head. I’m not extroverted, and I worry that it seems I don’t bring a lot to the table insofar as a networking relationship goes. I’ll definitely check out the links and books you’ve recommended here. Thanks!
Another idea: Don’t think of networking strictly as something that needs to be done over lunch or in front of a room full of small business networking dweebs.
Get involved with “non-businesslike” activity that you enjoy. For example: sports. I play men’s league hockey twice a week and, in the case of my Sunday group, I skate with engineers, executives from Whirlpool, a guy who sells lunch meat, handymen, carpet installers, and a guy who sits on Obama’s national finance committee.
We began as hockey buddies and, through it, have learned about what each other does and offered help to each other however we can. It’s neither awkward nor needy, because we don’t come together to look for jobs. We come together to play hockey and drink beer. But when it came time to drop an email to one of the Whirlpool guys, asking for a contact, I got a reply within five minutes — and the name and email of the person I needed to contact.
This is how it works.
Ha, love the hashtags. And thanks for the link. Here’s another secret I’ve discovered recently (probably obvious to most though) – the people at networking events are there to network. There are jobs like mine that don’t necessitate networking via professional organizations, so I don’t go to those events anymore. If you wanted a job with my company, you should network with me online, or at a conference. But the people at those events, their job is most likely built on the fact that they need to network occasionally, and by asking someone to coffee or lunch, you’ve actually made their job easier. So we all shouldn’t feel awkward about connecting.
So generally I’m the odd Puf out anyway, but I’ll say it: I love networking. There, it’s out there. Here our my tips:
*Networking begins with showing sincere interest in someone else. That’s called karma. If you want to network with someone start by asking them what they do, or why they do what they do, etc. etc. etc. People open up when they talk about themselves, and it’s easy to network with people when they are open.
*Smile. This applies in person or on the phone. A geniune smile (not a leer) is our way of showing that we mean no harm. In the military, the origin of the salute is to show that you have no weapon in your hand and are thus no threat. The smile is the civilian equivalent.
*It’s a lot like dating, relationships don’t form instantly so set reachable results from a first meeting. Is it to make an introduction and set up time for a one on one? Is it to get a recommendation of someone else to speak to? Remember, just like you probably aren’t going to score on your first date, you probably shouldn’t expect a job offer immediately following a meet and greet.
*If you don’t have anything to add, keep your mouth shut. When you first meet someone, like I said above ask questions (open ended) and get them talking. If you don’t have something to add to their answer, ask another question, but don’t just pipe up because you feel you have to say something you percieve as smart or witty, that’s annoying.
*Sign up for an improv class today. If one isn’t available go out and find a book called “The Truth in Comedy” immediately. The “Yes, and…” flow of improv is one of the single most powerful tools to learn how to converse with others.
Indie, I’m a professional raconteur, I’m a networker, but I’m not particularly smart, so if I can do this you certainly can.
I would add be response & be appreciative to Laurie’s last sentence. Personally, I have been willing to help people that I met through various organizations. Too many times the person fails to follow-through or they act like my help is an entitlement. Either way, my interest in helping quickly goes away. I always wonder why spend the effort networking if you are just going to squander your opportunities.
Do some work beforehand. I am the nervous type, too (whether you want to believe it or not!). Find the attendee list for the luncheon. Pick a handful of people you’d like to connect with, and research them as much as you can. Find out about their company, position, etc. Then you’ll be able to talk with them intelligently instead of sounding like just another whiner who needs a job. I’ve seen my share of them, and it isn’t pretty.
Hit me on Twitter or email if you’d like more help. I got a job as a recent grad just a few months back, and I’d be happy to share anything you’d like to know.
@Laurie Would Katie freak out if she knew you linked her LI profile instead of her KODA profile?
I would call myself an extroverted introvert. I’m an extrovert at work where I am comfortable and an “expert” (at least in my field). But, I am an introvert at networking events. My goal is to meet one new person at each event, doesn’t matter the size of the event. You will find that having one meaningful conversation is achievable and will make you feel like you have accomplished something at the end of the event. ALWAYS ask how you can help the other person. Follow up by connecting through linkedin so that the person has your contact info easily available. Give and hopefully you will receive in return.
By the way, I have sent several entry-level HR job to two new grads that I met through networking. Networking works!
Indie (to start with you have a cool name – that helps) -
I hated blogging and social networking sites until I found Punk Rock HR….Networking is about finding a forum that encourages you to be yourself. Forcing yourself to attend SHRM chapter meetings or Chamber of Commerce events may further discourage your job hunt. Here’s a couple of ideas:
* Use Linked-In – this site is an amazing way to promote your resume to people and organizations with whom you want to work. Join groups, post comments and don’t be afraid promote yourself through individual introductions.
* Find a job in retail in the interim – this is a great way to meet people and showcase your customer service skills.
* Go to Happy Hour – meeting old friends and classmates for a drink is a great way to break formality and generate leads.
* Take Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations course – these courses are offered everywhere, add to your resume, will introduce you to 40 professionals in your area and will improve your networking skills.
Got get em Tiger!
- Dave
My husband and sister-in-law are introverted (mind you my sister is the editor of a lifestyle magazine so she’s learning the ropes). They’re amazed at my ability to develop small talk and carry on a conversation.
Lots of the time if I meet ppl in the industry I work for I DO NOT SPEAK WORK TALK- I leave that to my husband because he’s the expert. I know a little over a variety of topics- so our (my husband and I) strategy is for me to get the conversation going and charm them (mind you I’m sincere because I love getting to know people) and gradually he works in the work and voila- works pretty much every time
I think you also have to be aware of the culture of the country and more narrowly the organization to know the dos and don’ts of networking. For example, where I live (Trinidad) it’s so tiny- everyone knows everyone else so there’s ALWAYS a connection somewhere that makes it relatively easy to get a foot in the door (or if you have an unsavory past not even get your little toe in the door)
Good luck to ya!
Great comment from everyone! My first conscious networking was shortly after my children started school. Only a few weeks of walking into an elementary school will evidence an often “closed” network. I first approached the school about setting up a parent area where we could check in to volunteer, then perhaps casually get to know teachers and staff. It didn’t work. My aha moment happened when I attended Women’s Club that had a number of teachers in attendance. Here was my opportunity! I immediately offered to take on a job no one else wanted and soon found myself to be a valuable part of the group. Over the weeks and months that followed I made friends and joined a network that would prove to contribute to a more satisfying education for my children. This is but one example of how I have found networking to be of great benefit. Flash forward 15 years and that network has landed my dream job as the Director of a Chamber of Commerce. While we provide many events for our members to network I must tell you that there are opportunities everywhere for you to meet people who will impact your future, perhaps indirectly. But the two things you must do are give back and have fun!
Not sure I have a lot to add; although, I’ll use some of the recommendations already posted for my own networking activities. I like to keep it fairly simple. First of all, if you’re looking for a job, you need to consider networking your full-time job. Get up before 7, start working no later than 8, and don’t stop until 5. Invite one person to breakfast, lunch, and coffee (that’s 3 people a day) every day. I know that seems like a lot – so start small…maybe 2-3 days a week. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so all you really need to do is listen. And if it doesn’t come up naturally in the conversation, just ask if there is anyone else that person would recommend you meet with. I guarantee you’ll leave every discussion with at least one additional contact…and usually more. The purpose of these meetings should never be “to find a job.” Rather, it should be “to meet interesting people with interesting perspectives and to broaden your exposure to the [insert industry] community.” The job part will come…with time.
This post is fantastic, thanks everyone for the tips. I thought I was weird because I hate networking and always feel awkward at meetings. I remember tagging along to a sales meeting with our nat’l marketing and tech directors. We walked in and everyone started exchanging business cards, but I’d forgotten to bring mine, so whenever someone handed one to me I’d just be, like “um…thanks!” So awkward. But great to know I’m not the only one.
By the way, I love the sports tip from @Rick – for me it was softball and it totally worked.
I agree with Puf. Just like any “party” you go to, you become more alluring when you ask questions and make the other person talk. “What do they do? Where do they work? What’s it like working there? What do they do for ‘fun’ when they are not working and going to networking functions?” These are questions that anyone can answer – no brainers. And who knows? You may find some commonalities. Make sure you get connecting info when you do.
Indie, I feel your pain. I HATE networking. I’m a textbook introvert, and my special hell is putting me in a room full of strangers and expecting me to mingle.
It does get easier with practice, but I think it’s the nature of the introvert to let the extrovert take over since we don’t know how to shut them up (I say that with love since I have many extroverted friends).
They’re the talkers, we’re the listeners, but you can use that ACTIVE listening to your benefit. Don’t be as worried about coming up with something brilliant to say as much as listening for a topic that you know something about.
For example, I encountered a woman at a conference who was going on and on about her love for shoes, and she happened to mention that she was going to Vegas, so I jumped in to tell her she should go visit Zappos while she was there. She had no idea that was on option, and suddenly I was her BFF for the next hour.
And I can’t stress social networking enough, as you can get comfortable with other HR types, and maybe some of them will be in attendance at a conference you’re interested in, or maybe you’ll establish a great online rapport and find job leads. Plus, I’d be happy to join you in #networkingsucks.
You should check out http://www.networkhippo.com – it helps you network by telling you who to contact and when. It’s a personal CRM system that will ensure that you’re always in touch with people that will make it a lot easier to make sure you’re network is always strong!
This is a great topic, and one that isn’t often addressed. Social Networking is all the rage, and truth be told, not everybody is a “social butterfly”..and this does not make them any less of a top rate candidate for an availability. Sure, some careers require more networking than others, but don’t discount the introverts, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t brilliant employees. But, in the event you ARE one of these types, here are some pointers: http://bit.ly/1M8UHO
I was a painfully, and I do mean painfully, shy child and adolescent. Two things happened that helped me gain more socializing comfort as I grew older, which now resonate with the feedback already given here:
1. I found a topic of interest that I shared with others and was comfortable discussing with others. For me, that was animals. I found that I could share pet stories with other pet lovers (the majority of the population) with relative ease. Always touching and filled with humor, pet stories are a great way to connect with people, whether in personal or professional circles. Sharing stories about children, sports, etc. can have the same impact.
2. I read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. Sounds kinda ancient now, but Carnegie’s advice was similar to the posters here: Learn to find ways to get others to talk about themselves. Be genuine, helpful, and interested in others. That is the key to networking, I am convinced.
The other thing that I would say is start your networking in places where you are most comfortable. I am most comfortable in forums with like professionals or persons with similar interests. I am less comfortable in bars and churches (ironic combo there) unless I am with people I already know. I am most likely to network at a conference, an art exhibit or at Pet Smart.
Best of luck, Indie! It is a daunting adventure, but the effort will pay off!
it’s funny, we all say we hate networking. yet most, but for the true misogynist, like meeting interesting people who introduce new ideas, experiences, thoughts, food, etc. i think we should drop the word networking; it’s fully loaded.
Wow.. awesome advice from everyone!
Thanks Laurie, for posting this.
I agree with Fran that it should be called something else. I am uncomfortable with the term because it seems so.. self-serving. But simply refer to it as making new (professional) friends… I can do that. And asking questions is my specialty… I’m like a toddler. I gotta know everything.
Also, it might help if I thought less and did more. Over analyzing usually creates a weak excuse not to do something. What’s the worst that could happen? They could ignore me or tell me no….
and my mom told me “no” all the time growing up…
Thanks for all the links/advice, everyone. Incredibly helpful
I hate networking as much as the next person, especially introducing myself to people I don’t know, but the best advice someone gave me, especially if it is at an event you don’t know anyone is to look around the room and find another person that is not talking to anyone. You at least have the not knowing any one at the event in common.
I hate networking to the point where I make them laugh– and just ask if they’re hiring in the first five minutes or so. Don’t want to waste thier time– and I certainly don’t want my time wasted. It works beautifully—
Also– I love the look of “This conversations ended– where’s the next one coming from??” or “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” from some of these professional networkers. Awsome!!
I think Ask A Manager said it best when she said that job seekers shouldn’t act like the employer is doing someone a favor by interviewing them — filling a job is two-sided — we win when we fill a position.
My company gives referral bonuses to any level of employee for any level of hire. If I meet you at a conference (or at a bar), I get your resume, I turn it in, and you get hired, this was *not* a one-sided relationship where you did all of the taking and I all of the giving.
And that’s not a hypothetical… one of my (now) co-workers is $1000 richer for taking 10 minutes of her time at a conference to talk to me after her presentation.
Same conference, different guy (different employer too) would have been $2000 richer for taking 10 minutes of his time… but I turned down the offer for the former.
I used to feel like indie, but I no longer feel that it is a one-sided relationship when one is seeking a job
And heck, when a company has jobs to fill, and you are seeking one, how do you know about each other unless you network? Websites are rarely up-to-date.
Creepy stat you may like (in case you haven’t seen it):
Over 50% of young Americans don’t have jobs. Here’s the link that backs it up. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/business/the_dead_end_kids_AnwaWNOGqsXMuIlGONNX1K
If I can recommend another good book on Networking: The Connect Effect by Mike Dulworth. Here’s a little chat on the subject that made me feel less sleazy about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcDwq2cO9Dw&feature=player_embedded
oh, full disclosure: I work for his company, but that’s not why I like the book.
Some stuff to make it a little easier:
Find someone you know who belongs to the group with which you’re networking. I’ve affiliated with SHRM in four different cities. Two large, one mid size, and one small. They were all the same. The only difference there were thirty tables of people who sat with people they knew in Atlanta and 15 tables of people who sat with other people they knew in Louisville. It’s easier to meet people when you’re introduced.
People like hosts. When you meet someone, introduce them to someone else you’ve met. You seem interesting, connected and engaged; but you don’t have to talk(much)!!!!
Use Mnemonic devices and remember peoples’ names. Say their names often. People like hearing their names. If they like you — even for something as silly at that little ego stroke — they’re more likely to remember you. Introduce yourself again the next time you see them. “I’m Monsterville Horton, IV, we met at the HR Technology conference here last month. Your name was Sally, right?” Most people are just as uncomfortable as you. They’re embarassed that they don’t remember your name. If you make them feel better, they’re more likely to have a more meaningful conversation with you this time. And like HR PufNStuff says, it’s about a series of conversations.
Volunteer. Volunteer. Volunteer. The personal relationships I developed in my SHRM chapters came on committees. The people with whom I developed those relationships introduced me to their friends. But I don’t think I’d know their friends so well if I didn’t know them. And I don’t think I’d have had that chance had I not volunteered. Take the crap jobs. People feel guilty and are nice to you.
Don’t go to chamber events, trade shows or other “sales” events with the expectation of anything other than being sold to. People attend those functions to sell. Some go to hire, I guess, but not most. You can, however, learn a helluva lot about a company at those events taht you won’t get from doing a quick Google search of them. What a neat thing to be able to say in an interview at a later date (“so, I went to the widget conference here last month. I understand you guys are developing technology that turns algae into Tequila….”)That’s not to say sales weasels don’t have value. Sales weasels are the best networkers. Call them at work. They like getting calls. Ask them for help. They like helping. But recognize the networking event you are attending for the purpose to which it has been designed and leverage it for that purpose.
@akaBruno To be fair, I should have qualified the post and said PURDUE COLLEGE PROFESSORS.
@Michael Whoa, I just googled Harvey Mackay. My life is now better. Thank you!
@Kelly Awesome. My work here is done.
@Rick Can’t wait for you to tell us more about networking in Chicago. See you soon!
@Rebecca You are the networking queen. PS — I think of you every day when I see a blue duck on my desk. That’s how this works.
@Puf Dude you just wrote a book. I know people. Stay tuned. I’ll make magic happen out of this comment for you.
@SalesComp Totally. Be appreciative.
@Ben I love how you just networked on my blog. Also, I love Katie and I plugged her in both places.
@Bonita When someone asks me how they can help me, I’m never prepared to answer. But it’s asked often — so I’m trying out new answers. Someone network with me and ask me!
@David Oh shucks, that is so nice. Excellent advice, as always.
@Karen You live in Trinidad? Awesome. Thanks for reminding us about cultural differences!
@Susan Whoa that’s a great comment. Give back, have fun, do something (a job) that no one else wants to do, etc. All good tips.
@Charlie Get up before 7? What are you? Nuts?
@Ian You are part of the shy Punk Rock HR team. Also, Rick is awesome.
@Susan Perfect advice. How many times have I walked away from someone without giving/taking a card? Too many.
@H.Aria Awesome, awesome, awesome. The world goes around because of shoes.
@Scott Networking hippo? Who picked that name? It’s cute but I dunno about the sustainability.
@Harriet Thanks! http://hooklineandthinker.us/2009/10/08/social-networking-for-an-introvert.aspx
@BZ You, too, just wrote a book. Or a blog post. Or something. It’s in you to monetize this stuff.
@Fran Uhm,you will the brilliant award of the night.
@Jess I changed your name to protect your identity. Indie? Did you like it? I’m glad the post was helpful.
@Allison So true!
@MattyMat This conversation is over. NOW.
@Dan You should hire Indie. There you go. Make some cash. I’ll take 10%. We all win, don’t we?
@Sterling Thanks!
@JustVikki Thanks!
@Scott Holy crap, yet another great comment from you. Choked full of wisdom. Thank you.
@Scott I mean chocked full of wisdom. Not choked. I can’t spell.
We’re not looking for HR folks, but we are hiring software geeks and math nerds. If you’ve got prospects, let me know through Linked In. And I really will send you that $100 — half up front, half after they make it off probation
I’m late to this post, but that’s life in the fast lane these days. The very best book about networking is: “Highly Effective Networking” by Orville Pierson, 2009, Career Press. I had the honor of working Orville and no one knows it better or can communicate it better. Read this book, do what it tells you to do, and you will find a job. A great job.
http://researchgoddess.wordpress.com/2009/10/29/a-small-gesture-of-selflessness-a-lifetime-of-referrals/