My husband is in Japan for work. He travels to Tokyo quite often — and no, he won’t bring me along. That’s fine. Whatever. I don’t need a husband to travel, and I don’t even want to go to stupid Tokyo. Pffft.
When I had a Corporate HR job, the husband bought tacky souvenirs that I could stash in my office. Now that my office is my living room, I am less inclined to accept junk and strongly motivated to request tchotchkes that won’t crap up my house.
So here’s my list of stuff I want from Japan.
- My first request is The Shouting Vase. It holds your anger and looks like a piece of pottery. It’s win/win — and I think it will blend in well with my decor.
- Next up is the Decori Fashion Flu Face Mask. I like how the purple mask is ‘glamorous’ and the pink mask is ‘lovely’. After watching 60 Minutes, I will now describe my fears of H1N1 as both glamorous & lovely. I’ll wear these masks when I write about flu shots.
- Finally, I want the $152 Fried Shrimp USB Memory Stick. I do a tremendous amount of traveling. It is practical, it looks yummy, and it’s reasonably priced.
I wonder what’s crapping up your office cubicle? What should my husband bring you from Japan? See anything you like?
[FYI: speaking of things that crap up your office, please do not send souvenir requests from the related site, the Endocoscope Shop. Don't even click on the link. Or click on the link, but tell me something: Why endoscopes? I mean, really, does that seem like fun? I don't want to judge, but I've had a colonoscopy. Nothing sexy about that.]
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Wow, this is an exercise I could have done without. I work in a dump!!!! I look over my left shoulder and see an regifted candy dish designed in a fruit theme. Over my right shoulder is a lanyard and a pin from an initiative at the hospital. Behind me on the window ledge are a handful of insulated coffee cups that do not get used. Last but not least I have the following four small foam items: an apple that is supposed to help me destress when I squeeze it, a computer that reminds me of some helpful IT tips, and two police cars that I wanted to take home to my sons over a year ago.
Fried Shrimp USB – “For the geek that likes to eat!”
Mikimoto pearls
One of my employees is a very nice and generous woman and in her (Native American) culture, gift giving is very important. I have a number of Native American decorated items she has given me that fit in fine here at work (I work for a Native Tribe) but probably won’t fit my decor at home too well. So here they stay.
And I have a brass platypus paperweight thingy from a business trip I once took to Australia. But I think the Fried Shrimp USB is way cooler.
I’m a recruiter, we have junk, when we go to career fairs, we get more junk. Thankfully we moved our HR shop recently, so I had to pack up all of said junk, and never bothered to unpack it…all I have now is my branded hand sanitizer and a stress ball. living clutter free for 3 weeks and counting!
I have a toy robot (not doll, “action figure”) from an anime show called Neon Genesis Evangelion on my desk. And a full-colour printing of a watercolour of a bunch of RoboTech robots that one of the co-op students gave me last summer (not sure why) hanging on the wall, next to two photos cut out of a snowboarding magazine.
And a Mr. Potato Head dressed like Darth Vader (got that from a coworker). I also have a doorstop shaped like a red stiletto heel that our director gave me.
Wow, now that I see all this in writing, my office is ridiculous.
All things CAT in my office. Japanese kitties if you please, for me.
I have three kinds of vrap in my office:
1. HR show swag crap
2. Labor relations and labor union crap
3. Overseas tracvel momento crap
I don’t need anybody to bring me back crap. I go to places like Amsterdam and Macchu Pichu and get my own crap!
and more vacation, ino order to get more crap!
Yeah, I’m also littered with HR swag crap. I can’t stand the stuff. But for some reason I think a free, crappy bag with some logo on it that I’ll never use is a really awesome deal after sitting on a hard hotel ballroom chair all day. And once I get home, I don’t know what to do with all the crap because I’d feel very guilty throwing it out. And nobody else ever wants it.
I also have a collection of small beanie baby type creatures. Employees pick one to take with them on vacation and then have to take a photo of the beanie baby enjoying the vacation. These photos then get posted so we can see where Duckie, Wormtail, Yertle, and Fluffy have been. (They all seem to enjoy umbrella drinks.)
I had cows. I don’t know why. I started with one papier-mache Holstein and then found other cows and then people started giving them to me.
I think the gifts were just a way to get to the important part of my office-then-cubicle*: the Emergency Chocolate Drawer. Yes. I had bait in my office. Doesn’t everyone?
The cows are all now in a box in my attic. The chocolate is in my refrigerator. I discovered yesterday that it is not a good idea to buy peanut M&Ms on sale after Christmas and then wait until the next October to open them. Peanuts do not last. Who knew?
* The move my chicken boss did not fight, even though his entire team was kicked out of the nice office building with the cafeteria and covered parking and moved to the converted warehouse where people got carjacked but I’m not bitter.
Can I please have the pee without noise stool? I have no man peeing in my house except my four-year old son and he’s low enough to be quiet, but its wacky and cool and he’s growing taller by the day. I don’t want to be behind the curve when it comes to silencing his peeing sounds….
*snark* Its my favorite flavor
Oh and currently my office crap consists of: mardi gras beads surronding a nemo fish, a stuffed little basketball man i brought from home because the 4yr old didn’t like his hair, and a duck puppet that quacks. The duck puppet is my “stress ball”. Its quacks sound like “bitch, bitch, bitch” & its great to mock employees who bitch for no reason, behind their backs of course.
I have stuffed amimals that my husband (who works at the same company) got for me on random trips. He would be in a country for like ten minutes (usually switching planes) and would run to the nearest gift shop and buy me something—which seems to be nothing but stuffed animals. And since our dogs would destroy them if I brought them home, I keep them on my desk.
I also have a couple plants. My husband got me a big ol’ cactus for Valentines Day last year because I heard they suck up the radiation from your computer. And it is funny when people get a little poke when they try to lean across my desk. Ha!
One more thing—-I have a wall of sombreros (yes, a whole wall). We had a luncheon where I made all of the managers wear sombreros and they gave them back when they were done. So now—wall art!
I forgot my most prized possession. A small monkey with a hat (similar to a Shriner’s hat) with a pack of Lucky Monkey cigarettes. You can actually light them too!!!
I work right next to a golf course (can see the ninth hole from my window) and have a collection of about 50 golf balls. I like to collect sharpies and highlighters as well.
Speaking of endoscopes– I like one of the Simpson’s episodes where Lisa’a trying to get Nelson to open up—
Lisa: Nelson– what do you think about? What’s inside you??
Nelson: Guts. …and black stuff.
I have lots-o-pens from my insurance vendor, several different types of stress balls, a packet of Obama trading cards and my favorite desk pals, stuffed Salmonella & Mad Cow Disease toys.
A coworker once went on a trip to China. I gave her $10 and told her to bring me back the tackiest souviner she could find with Mao’s picture on it. I got a “Little Red Book” and a lighter (more like a mini-blowtorch) that plays the Chinese National Anthem when you open the lid.
My crap consists of a bunch of business cards, bobbleheads, my hockey stick, and a trophy for “World’s Greatest Slacker Award.”
I have a few postcards up on one wall (from Japan, ironically, when I went there last year), and a miniature stuffed version of the company mascot, but otherwise it’s only work stuff in my cube. I have pretty minimalist tastes in decoration, though, so it suits me. I’ve been thinking about getting a plant or two, though.
I used to have a collection of office chimps. These are little plastic chimps dressed in office attire. I also started growing an herb garden from a pack of promotional herb seeds we sent to clients. It was kind of interesting, actually. And it gave my chimps somewhere to hide.
By the way, I tried to come up with something clever or funny about colonoscopies. You are right, I got nothin’.
I have de-cluttered completely except for a bamboo branch in a glass vase and a super cool usb hub/clock/timer/cup warmer combo thingy that I picked up at a fundraiser on Friday.
Everything in our office is beige so I have lots of decorations to perk this place up. Among my favorites are a Catwoman matchbox car, a Millenium Falcon soap dish that I use to hold paper clips and pirate skull magic 8 ball. That comes in very handy when the tough decisions have to be made.
My desk is pretty tame these days, although there are a few random bits of Rush (the band) and Star Wars paraphernalia strewn about.
I would like the face bank. How disturbing is that?
My desk is so cluttered with…office-y (pen cup, files, hand sanitizer, paperclips, envelope moistener, etc.), but I do have some odd stuff as well.
I have a mini plush armadillo with a cowboy hat on it that says “Texas” (my boyfriend’s family is from the Houston area, so I bought it as a fun reminder of the trip). I also have a wind-up ladybug toy. And a miniature Connect Four game that was supposed to be played with Smartees candy. But that attracted ants, so now I just have the game board.
I’m kinda intrigued by everything on that Japan Trend Shop website. I would like the Hi-Tech Snore Stopper Pillow, but alas, I don’t think ANYTHING can stop my boyfriend’s snoring.
@Mark Whoa, you are loaded with crap. You might be the winner.
@Sarah Hahahahaha, I’d buy it for you if it weren’t so freakin expensive.
@Debbie I wish!
@Glen That is very kind of you, actually.
@Dan I am so supportive.
@Ian I am actually embarrassed for your office.
@BZ Of course!
@Michael No crap for you!
@H.Aria OMG, beanie babies. I remember when my cousins would fight over those babies at stores. They were an investment. Now they’re in your office collecting dust and posing for vacation pix. Nice.
@Class Gross, peanuts do not last. Yuck. But I love the emergency candy drawer. Awesome idea.
@Teresa It’s yours!
@InkedHR You have a panoply of crap! Awesome.
@MattyMat I love Nelson so much.
@AMJ Love those stuffed toys. Hilarious.
@Robert Seems like you should’ve been given more crap for the ten bucks. Wasn’t that stuff made in China? You’re right at the source. Seems like you were ripped off.
@Tracy I’m not surprised by the hockey stick. Not at all.
@Tim I feel bad for plants that are left behind when people are laid off. It’s not the plant’s fault. Sad.
@George I love how you tried to talk about endoscopes and colonoscopies. I think Japanese porn is weird. Why would you want to look up someone’s butt? Furthermore, why am I the only one fascinated by this? Well, it’s my blog. I’ll write about it.
@RLaura That’s the right way to be — ready to leave & walkout at a moment’s notice.
@Suz I used to have a magic 8 ball in my office. I chucked it across the Pfizer parking lot (on Kilgore Road — if anyone who reads this wants to find it).
@Kevin Totally disturbing. Also disturbing? Your love of Rush. (Hahahahahahaha Just kidding. I don’t even know any Rush songs.)
@Meredith Elaine You do have some odd stuff — also, the best way to cure snoring is to send the boyfriend to another room. That’s what I do with Ken!
If it were my man and he didn’t come home with something Hello Kitty he’d be DONE.
Okay, Breanne, I own this — but it’s from Meijer and not Japan. http://iadorehellokitty.blogspot.com/2009/06/hello-kitty-leopard-towel-wrap.html Ken bought me a Hello Kitty watch & key chain from Tokyo on his last trip. Also, when he gets back from Japan, he gets Hello Kitty time. Meow.
My collection of CCC (cube-cluttering crap):
* Rubber chicken collection (various sizes, with the regulation size chicken wearing a santa hat…long story)
* Mini Bozo bob-doll
* Can of dehydrated water (don’t even ask how many times people have asked me, “What’s in it?”
Oops…Bozo BOP doll (damn dyslexia)
@Laurie – Yep, he’s been on the couch for a while now. Sometimes we can manage to sleep in the same room – with fans running (for sort-of-white-noise) and me wearing ear plugs!!!
@Lynette Whoa that’s craptacular.
@MeredithElaine I also turn on the BBC Overnight, ever so slightly, so I can focus on depressing world news (as white noise) instead of the snoring.
Interesting crapola everyone has, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Last year I bought employees mini containers of Playdo, and still have some hanging around under my monitor. Also keep a full-size retro Bozo the clown punching bag and blowup boxing gloves in my office for people to use as a stress-reliever. I’m afraid to open my desk drawer and describe the contents there.