Someone sent me a link to the Web Economy Bullshit Generator, and I think it’s a great tool for those of you who are writing resumes and/or selling your services to new clients. Need an elevator speech? Use the bullshit generator.
Here’s my new pitch.
Laurie Ruettimann is a seasoned Human Resources consultant who morphs global paradigms, enables scalable initiatives, and facilitates interactive ROI.
Who are you?! Give me your pitch.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
This is a riot Laurie! Here’s my new pitch:
Karla Porter improves processes through people via unique approaches to e-enabling dynamic experiences, leveraging strategic interfaces and extending front-end deliverables.
Wow…. sounds worthy
I spent fourteen years in corporate HR, mostly cleaning up other people’s shit. Now, I’m a stay-at-home mom. I wipe smaller asses than before.
Yeah, that’s pretty much my elevator speech.
Sid Prince reinvents leading-edge infrastructures with an eye toward meshing global content under monetized dot-com e-markets.
Yep – sums me up nicely. Though, maybe I should include a bit about being an a-hole? No?
Digression – I hate people who use the word a-hole. Don’t you?
Sid.
Sue Danbom is a brash beacon who brings billable bullshit to the buyer.
Simple. Elegant. Pretty much tells it like it is.
Liz Brenner is a fresh HR professional who grows one-to-one metrics, revolutionizes sexy e-commerce, and integrates cross-platform eyeballs.
LOVE IT.
Shannon is a web consultant that helps companies visualize value-added web-readiness, unleash their vertical networks, and iterate best-of-breed vortals.
Breanne is a seasoned consultant specializing in synthesizing cross-media niches, optimizing extensible relationships, and engaging mission-critical communities.
Yep- that’s my new tagline.
Mat v. is an industrious go-getter with the power to sway to the enonomic winds of change with the fortitude to prevail even in the darkest of climates, to emerge as the prince of all that is good and decent in this black, evil, corrupted corporate world! Trust ye in my Steed, Oh Company Hiring Manager!! You will not be emmersed in Regret– I promise you that, Sir and/or Madam!!!
The NZHRGuy is a best of breed user who expedites killer relationships and can visualise value added action items in a way that synergises innovative initiatives while leveraging ubiquitous paradigms. What more could you need?
@Karla You’re hired!
@Kerry Those butts are softer and cuter, too.
@Sid I hate dudes who say a-hole. Either say asshole or don’t say it.
@Sue LOL, I love the ‘b’ words.
@Liz YES YOU ARE.
@Shannon This is all true. Perfect!
@Breanne Put that shit on LinkedIn. Now. It’s brilliant.
@MattyMat Whoa, hey, that’s almost too much. Can you be that fabulous??
@NZ That’s so concise and awesome.
You need to ask??
Love!
Julie harnesses holistic content that incubates user-centric mindshare while reintermediating B2C niches. A leverager of web-enabled e-business, she approaches the goal of redefining real-time technologies that benchmark leading-edge web services. Her proven results in optimizing back-end paradigms help facilitate interactive ROI, mesh value-added e-markets, and innovate front-end relationships.
So true.