I am frequently asked for advice on how to get around a company’s drug test. The answer is simple: you can’t.
If your company has a pre-employment drug testing policy or a random drug screening policy, you have two options: take the drug test or find another job. If your company conducts random drug tests and asks you to pee in the cup, you need to pee in the cup.
Some argue that employees who use drugs (outside of work) have lower productivity, higher instances of workplace absenteeism, and risk the safety of their fellow employees. Others argue that a company has no business enforcing its policies in your private life outside of work.
Mostly I hear, “It’s not fair to penalize me for smoking pot when alcohol and tobacco are legal.”
Life isn’t fair, yo. Why don’t you grow up and take a more nuanced position? If you want to do drugs, find a company that doesn’t care. There is another option, too. Start your own company.
Unfortunately, if you work for a company that pays you money and asks you not to do drugs, you support that policy every time you cash your paycheck. The best way to argue for smart & substantive drug policies (and to guarantee the right of privacy for American citizens) is to be involved when the policies are crafted. Start your own company, lobby your congressperson, or support companies that align with your positions. If all else fails, run for elected office on your pro-hemp, pro-marijuana, pro-patchouli platform.
What do you think? How do you feel about drug testing at work? What’s your current corporate policy?
[Side note: Why do stoners think they do their best work while high? You don't. You are not that creative. Please don't come to work baked.]
{ 1 trackback }
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
Mensen die willen roken marihuana moeten gewoon leren om te spreken Nederlands, verhuizen naar Nederland, begin je eigen internationale zakelijke en voila. U kunt er zo ’ n grote stoner als u wilt!
Translation (sort of)
People who want to smoke marijuana just need to learn to speak Dutch, move to Holland, start your own international business and voila.
You can be as big a stoner as you want!
I love patchouli!
I am against drug testing unless there is a specific reason for it, such as the use of machinery, hazardous substances etc.
There are so many things that can impact on productivity and performance that we do not test for, sleep problems, diet, personal or social problems, chocolate…..(ok I made the last one up, but you get the point).
Drug testing, unless necessary is pointless reassurance that we are not recruiting “dodgy geezers”. However, if you applied this to corporate banking or law, you probably would lose half the profession (or increase the sales of baby urine).
As an HR professional I have always vigorously resisted the introduction of drug testing. I would not work for a company that used it (unless for necessary reasons as above).
That’s not to say that I condone the use of drugs at work…or indeed outside. But I believe in the right to freedom of choice and the right to a personal life. And dealing with performance issues on an individual basis rather than through some nebulous policy designed to make those in power feel safe and smug.
I am a firm proponent of drug testing in the industrial setting. As someone who has worked in the refinery / power industry for the last 25 years I can assure you the last thing we need are a bunch of stoners walking around. The refinery / power industry is dangerous enough with out having the added worry of stoned, drug or even inattentive employees. I am sure some jobs would be greatly improved with the introduction of mind altering chemicals. Watching Fox or CNN leads me to belive that they have a very liberal drug use policy ;o)
John
PS. None of the above consider the collateral damage caused from drug use or the drug trade.
I completely agree with your post minus the last sentence for the exception of the writers on shows like Family Guy or Eastbound and Down.
Here is my two cents on Drug Testing in the Work place. When I was A Staffing Coordinator, We used in-house Drug tests, Everyone at the office called me The Drug Czar because no one else wanted to facilitate the test. It is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! It is really quite simple, Pee in the cup, Pass or Fail. Qualified or Disqualified. Don’t waste my time! I staffed for Clerical/Pro/and industrial. Oh, bTW… I have also fired people 4 coming to work Drunk. How dumb can you be?
Have a wonderful day!
Thank you for a simple, common-sense approach to the issue. I agree completely.
(Disclosure: I am Pro-legalization, anti-testing with the exception of workplace accidents/misconduct. I also don’t use the stuff, as i’m 8 years tobacco-free, and don’t dare smoke anything)
We have pre-employment and reasonable suspicion testing at my company, which I administer. While I am not keen on testing people for marijuana, I have absolutely no problem testing people for cocaine, heroin, methanphetamines, etc.
I give people a week window to take their pre-employment drug test (which includes an alcohol screen with a breathalyzer.) I figure, if I give you the drug testing paperwork on Friday and tell you to take it by next Friday that gives you a whole 7 days to not use cocaine, heroin, etc – you should be able to pass the test because those types of drugs will have left your system by then. Yet, on more than one occassion I’ve had people fail the test for those types of drugs. I even had one person fail the alcohol test! I mean, 7 days to take the test and you couldn’t bother to be sober one day? I do not feel sorry for these people, either they have a drug or alcohol problem or they are not too smart in which case my company has dodged a bullet by not hiring them.
Perfectly timed Laurie, as we start our random testing this week and I’m hoping I get out of town on Friday without getting my face bashed in. I’ve been wanting to be a “czar” for awhile now and here’s my big chance, right?
And Mike, rock on with that Dutch stuff! I could actually read it which means Rosetta Stone has been helping!
The workplace effect of drug abuse is loss of productivity and loss of judgment. If someone can use drugs and make sure they are not under the influence when they show for work, why should anyone have a problem with that? Saying that any drug use will lead to abuse is similar to saying that any drinking will lead to drunkenness.
Saying you have to be drug-free to be employable is like saying you have to abstain from alcohol in order to get a driver’s license.
I like what Michelle does. Give them a drug test, but give them time to prepare. If they have the control to skip their drugs long enough to pass a test they probably have the control to not come to work under the influence.
Social and legal penalties against use and possession account for the majority of so called “collateral damage”.
Laurie,
There have been some interesting comments about a drug test situation here bit.ly/4AT98H
My question is, should a failed drug test be a black mark for life?
Also, I can’t believe you don’t like Tusk…
I grew up in Northern California (pot plantations!!), so I have a totally different attitude towards marijuana… and I think a drug test is most certainly an invasion of privacy– but a necessary one for certain jobs. I wouldn’t want an employee stoned on the job (you’re high? you’re fired!)– but whatever he/she does afterwards is none of my business.
@Mike I’d move to Holland but I’ve already lived with Dutch Reformed on the West Side of Michigan. No one did drugs!
@Ciara I knew you would, stoner. (LOL, just kidding.)
@TheHRD You sum it up well, my friend, but what about drinking at lunch and getting into a car? I had a stoned employee who backed her car into another car in the office parking lot. What risks are we willing to tolerate at work?
@JohnC I’ve worked in manufacturing environments and I support zero-tolerance policies in those settings. Drugs + heavy machinery = bad news. But what about people who do drugs in the privacy of their own homes? Why is that my company’s business?
@Nick Amen. Those writers need inspiration.
@Shennee People are so dumb. Confirmed throughout the history of mankind. It’s the ‘invincibility’ mistake. They’ll never get caught. Nothing bad will happen. Ugh, I hate those people.
@Sherry Thank you. I just want to yell, “I pay you to work, not to smoke crack. Do that on your own time, Marion Berry.”
@MichelleT I don’t envy you. PS — My former employer, Pfizer, had me take a physical. I was so offended and let the administrator know that my cholesterol level should be my own business. She said, “Fine, don’t take the job.” I was like, oh snap, she’s right — also, she had no power to change the rules. So I took the damn physical and then I complained to people who could change the rules. (The rules are still the same, I believe. I was totally ineffective.)
@Kirsten Lucky you! Hooray!
@David T. The collateral damage from addiction is high. What about casual use?
@Puf How did I miss that? Did your URL change? I just resubscribed in my Google Reader!
@MattyMat I’m in North Carolina. Where are the plantations? Seriously? Around Raleigh? No way.
*PS I could totally pee in a cup and pass. I just felt paranoid and wanted to say that.
*
I don’t understand drug testing for positions that don’t involve safety. And actually, even then, I say use performance tests, which tell you if the person is impaired right this minute, from drugs, alcohol, lack of sleep, or whatever. I don’t care if someone smoked pot last weekend on their own time. None of my business as an employer.
And of course, there are responsible and irresponsible drug users, just like there are responsible and irresponsible drinkers. Drug tests don’t tell us who’s who.
But I agree with Laurie that ultimately, if you disagree with the law, you should lobby your legislators to change it and/or support organizations that do that.
Sorry, that was supposed to be a link to http://www.mpp.org. Which — full disclosure — I work for.
I kid about stoners & slackers, askamanager, but ultimately I believe in legalization and regulation. That’s one of the only ways to have a mature conversation about drugs.
@Laurie You just described my favorite past-time!
Quick advice: Lay off the poppy seed muffins a week before a drug test. I know it’s hard— poppy seed muffins being so addicting and all.
@Laurie – Its a fair challenge, but what about the man who is thinking of his mistress and impending divorce when he backs into another car?
What of the woman on her cell phone texting her boyfriend to say that she is pregnant when she backs into another car?
Should we be testing for everything? The risks are not necessarily the perceivable ones.
@MattyMat You like to pee in cups?
@TheHRD I know, I know. You’re so right. Life is one big risk. This is why I work for myself. I know the risk. I know the pay scale. I know the drug policy and I can adhere to it.
I seem to be in the minority here, but I fully support employee drug testing. Life IS one big risk, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take precautions against SOME things just because we can’t take precautions against EVERYTHING. There is no easy test to determine is someone is likely to get into a texting car accident, but if there’s even a small chance that testing for drugs could prevent even one workplace accident, isn’t it worth it?
That’s not to say that there aren’t responsible drug users out there- I’m sure there are, just like there are responsible alcohol users, but the difference is that drugs are illegal. It brings up another issue as to if you want someone who has a penchant for participating in illegal activity working for your company.
I work for a government contractor where most of our employees have clearances that will be taken away if they are caught using drugs (because again, they are ILLEGAL) so testing for drugs at the beginning of employment only makes sense to me.
I spent 21 years working for a global aerospace delivery and security service company where I was subject and subjected to random testing. Never a problem. No sympathy for those who also took the same oath and then violated the terms of employment.
I currently work for modestly heavy and supreme precision manufacturing. The top paragraph of the employment application is quite emphatic about our entry drug testing policy. No sympathy, with an earned bit of anger for the wasted resources, for those who think they won’t get caught.
At the same time, the first person I fired at this company came to work drunk.
Wow, sorry about the multiple postings. Not sure how/why that happened but I apologize for my obnoxiousness.
[This is Laurie and I edited the comment to hide the author because I'm uptight and I work in HR. No one is getting busted because of my blog!]
bust out the buds mofos. everyone sounds so serious. you need to chillax! i have sweated the corporate drug test multiple times. goldenseal, cranberry, water, rinse repeat. never got caught. but perhaps it was luck …
now i have finally reached a point in my career where i’d tell someone to take a long walk off a short pier if they tried to bust out a random drug test on me without cause. i think creative industries are generally more tolerant of people’s humanity, which includes the occasional drug, tobacco and alcohol use.
@xxx I edited your comment because most companies would jump all over you for an admission like that — and punk rock HR is not a safe place to make statements like that.
@alison No problem, yo. I think it all went to my spam folder.
@RMS I know that rules are rules, but why are rules the rules? Does that question make sense?
@Katie I know that drugs are illegal, but should they be illegal? Should the workplace be the space where we figure out who’s doing drugs and who isn’t? We legislate and criminalize and we throw the burden of enforcement into the private sector. Seems backwards to me.
Great post Laurie! I get both sides of the argument. Personally I don’t really care what my employees do outside of work as long as they don’t do it with the company logo plastered across their chest. I want to believe they all behave themselves but they are not my children and I am not going to follow them around and be the enforcer outside of work.
However, if you really want the job, the promotion, the lateral shift, take it seriously and take the damn test.
*Oh, and my favorite part of this post is where in your attempt to shield a commenter’s identy you linked their comments to a porn site. And I know this because I clicked on the clink. Love it!
@MattyMat, I am in the same geographic area as you and totally agree with everything you said.
I work in the beverage industry, the alcoholic beverage industry, and with the exception of transportation my organization doesn’t drug test. I have to say, to some extent it seems hypocritical in my industry to drug test. If you can’t handle your extracurriculars when you’re at work, then that behavior will become a performance issue. At work I see far more issues with alcohol than I do drug use, but both are always sad.
If you know what you signed up for when you were hired, you’ve got no room to complain if one of those policies is drug testing. Still, given the choice, I would rather work for an employer who kept its nose out of my off hours activities, whether that’s eating a full pack of Oreos, smoking three packs of cigarettes, or toking it up.
Good advice. But most companies in India don’t do a drug test.
Katie – you are not alone; I am with you 100%.
While many might feel that making “recreational” drug use illegal and alcohol not is hypocritcal; I say “so what?” We already have enough problems with alcohol in our society, do we want to create even more problems by making more drugs legal and, therefore, more available?
It’s true that there are other things, such as lack of sleep, not paying attention, being an idiot, that can lead to problems. But does the fact that there is not a “valid” test for these conditions make it okay to say that we shouldn’t test for illegal drug use because we cannot test for all things?
Screw the drug tests, they need to start using IQ tests. I would much rather work next to a stoner than a moron.
pot is punk
Preach reverend!
@Laurie Yea– well– breaks the monotony. I have story’s that I won’t tell you. lol
@Jackbuilt I grew up in Chico in the 60′s and 70′s— that should tell you alot!! We could buy LSD from a dealer at the park (between 7 – 7:30) that even the cops knew about. Those were the days!!
great article!!
@RMS I know that rules are rules, but why are rules the rules? Does that question make sense?
Yes, the question makes sense.
I have worked for three organizations over the past 30 years. The first – the US Air Force. The weapon systems that I may have been around, being restricted by policy to neither confirm or deny the presence there of, required the strictest of adherence to personal reliability protocols. The rules made sense from the global perspective of shared security.
The second organization I worked for was a nonprofit social service agency. Needless to say, the standards were different and quite relaxed.
My third and current company does precision metals manufacturing, both machinery and custom fabrications. We do the big stuff. All operating positions have two-ton or more cranes to move our product. Think of it as Craftsman tools on serious steroids. I spend as more time on safety than I do anything else. I need to know I can rely on my employees. Candidates fail the reliability test when they fail the entry drug test.
Why do DOT truck drivers require random drug tests? Safety.
This post almost has as many responses as your WalMart one! Hmmm. . . drugs and WalMart. . . . WalMart and drugs. . . don’t give them any ideas or they’ll try to corner that market as well! (or maybe they already have with all those low price munchies)!
I’m on board for drug testing for safety related positions. I worked for a construction materials company and was glad that the drug testing policy was hard core. The company I work for now does not drug test (all white collar jobs) and I found it strange at first (especially here in CA) but have come to embrace it as an unnecessary business expense as I can still test for resonable suspicion (can’t do random in CA) which is all that matters (e.g. if you look F’d up, smell F’d up or sound F’d up).
As the Doobie Brothers once sang. . . oh shit I forgot. . . damn weed!
@Stephen LOL, only you would click xxx.
@Jackbuilt I think it’s weird how we treat alcohol and drugs differently. You’re right on about the hypocrisy.
@Career Guide Just wait a few years — they will!
@Gina Thanks
@cuz OMG, so funny.
@Doug You are too kind.
@RMS Well safety is a serious issue, and I can understand DOT and heavy machinery safeguards; however, I still struggle with asking employers to enforce our drug policy. It continues the patriarchal and paternal relationship we have with our employers. By the way, I’m totally fascinated by your career!
@HRJEFE Everyone likes cheap stuff from China and weed!
It’s all been said already, so I consider this just voting for my favorite ideas:
*YES, drug test for reasonable suspicion and after workers comp is a-ok
*NO, pre-employment drug testing is lame, a waste of $ and (most importantly) our rights to do as you please in your free time. I suppose the exception MAY BE someone who could misdiagnose/misfill a Rx/transplant the wrong organ and in result, kill someone! Ya know?
*Do you think people with convictions should have the same rights though – don’t do any pre-employment checks at all? Or background checks are really all that different?! If (most) drugs checked for are illegal, aren’t you committing a crime and then in the same shoes as the felons? CRAP! IDK!
Ok- is misfill a word?!?!? Im not stoned, I swear…
@KFP Vote is tallied. Misfill is not a word but we’ll overlook it, stoner.
I have smoked for 26 yrs. If I hadn’t, I would have probably went off on some jerk (people can’t drive, people who feel intitled or think they are better than the rest of us,snooty women who think thier poop don’t stink…for example) and went to jail. What we do at home is our business. If they want to pay my rent, then they might have a foot to stand on. Until then…fire it up! Oh, and if the state of GA. gives a drug test to people who get food STAMPS, there will be alot of hungry kids in GA.!