POTUS 08: Are The Candidates Better Than Your Boss?

I’ve been thinking about my previous supervisors and wondering if any of them could be president. Then I started thinking, “What would it be like to work for Bill Clinton?”

This led me to take a look about the current crop of candidates and wonder

• Who would make the best boss?
• Who would be the worst?
• Who would micromanage the way I go to the bathroom?

Let’s take a look.

Democrats

Hillary Rodham Clinton

• She would be a great leader and would champion the causes of those whom she trusts.
• You would know if you made a mistake because she wouldn’t talk to you. You might hear about it through the well-managed grapevine.
• She’d slit your throat in a heartbeat if she felt you were disloyal. Just like she did to Vince Foster.

Barack Obama

• He would be the type of boss who assumes the best of his employees.
• He will give second chances, but he won’t be fooled. Your second chance will be monitored by his wife, who doesn’t give second chances & thinks her husband is too nice.
• He would be generous with his praise and with merit increases.

John Edwards

• He believes in what he is saying, and his enthusiasm is contagious. You’ll wonder — should I be this excited? Is this possible? Is he genuine? (He is. Go ahead. Drink the Kool-Aid.)
• He learns from his mistakes and won’t make them twice.
• He won’t suffer fools on his team. No one will jeopardize his vision.

Dennis Kucinich

• You’ll wonder if this guy is for real.
• When you realize that he is for real, you will wonder why no one is joining his team.
• Then you’ll see the zen books, the meditations mats, and the younger wife. Instantly, you will know why he’s not making headway. The dude is like your old college professor — he operates on a different plane & the world is not ready for him.

Republicans

John McCain

• You’ll join his team for his reputation alone.
• You will be disappointed to discover that you’re now working for Gil Gunderson — the used car salesman. He can’t pay you, but he can show you the ropes.
• Once upon a time, he was in his glory. Now he’s just old. He has lots of stories about the good old days, though.

Rudy Giuliani

• Whenever he gets the chance, he’ll remind you of how great he thinks he is.
• Wait — did you hear about how he did that one great thing six years ago?
• And how you should work for him because of that one great thing?

Mitt Romney

• He’s a flashy boss with a fancy blackberry and a good suit.
• He’s open to changing his position and flexible on the issues. He doesn’t mind publicly contradicting himself and then going back to his original position.
• If you tell him what you think, he’ll agree with you and tell you that he thinks that way, too; however, he reserves the right to change his mind.

Fred Thompson

• Thinks everyone not on his team is an idiot.
• Thinks of himself as a leader; therefore, in his mind, he is a leader.
• Likes the finer things in life: cigars, younger women, and lobbying firms — & won’t apologize for it, either.

Ron Paul

• It’s like working for your crazy uncle who hasn’t paid his taxes since 1982.
• The guy is nice enough and makes sense when you’re drunk & he’s buying the drinks.
• His team consists of you, some guy named Bill, and Chester from down-the-road. You all carry guns.

Mike Huckabee

• Will make you pray before meetings.
• Doesn’t like liars but won’t admit to gastric bypass surgery, thus creating tension on his team.
• Wonders why his team isn’t more successful, but ultimately puts it all in the hands of Jesus.

Tagged as: 2008, barack obama, bill clinton, democrats, dennis kucinich, election, fred thompson, gil gunderson, GOP, hillary clinton, john edwards, john mccain, mike huckabee, mitt romney, POTUS, president, Republicans, ron paul, rudy giuliani, the simpsons, Uncategorized, vince foster