I struggle with the phrase QUEEN BEE.
Early in my career, I hated working in Human Resources because I felt that my departments were full of uptight women who gained power through very sketchy and political ways — and then wreaked havoc on the other women in the office. Because of my inexperience in the workforce, I saw leadership as a zero-sum game. There could only be one leader — and if it was a woman, I saw her desire to hold onto that position. I often resented her lack of interest in developing the next generation of women in the company.
Then I matured, a little, and I recognized that women in Human Resources have so little power in the first place. Would I act any differently if I was given a VP role and told to lead a dysfunctional and often irrelevant organization? [Probably not.]
Finally, I am at the point in my professional life where I see women differently. No matter the role, women still struggle to attain true positions of leadership and fiscal authority. When we do succeed, we are expected to mentor the next generation of women in the company. When we aren’t interested in mentoring — which is totally reasonable because mentoring is an unpaid job and often a pain in the ass – we are labeled as QUEEN BEES instead of being labeled as what we are: regular employees who haven’t necessarily been mentored, ourselves.
I now see that most women in positions of leadership are trying to protect their roles, provide for their families, and do a decent job — just like most dudes in Corporate America. Mentoring is often something that happens by accident.
So I have these questions:
- Does the Queen Bee syndrome really exist?
- Is it sexist to suggest that it exist?
- Does the Queen Bee syndrome exist but is it mislabeled? Is it just an example of failed leadership — without a link to gender?
What do you think?
{ 1 trackback }
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Laurie:
Unfortunately, you may be on to something here. While it certainly isn’t always the case, often enough we women are our own worst enemies. Have you ever read “In the Company of Women: Indirect Aggression Among Women…” by Pat Heim, Susan Murphy, etal? Some of it really makes you cringe, because its both awful and true.
I can give you the “guy” perspective:
It does exist, at least in many organizations including both my current and former (at the Limited Inc.)…My current environment is old school boys frat house, glass ceiling issues…Females in high positions fall into 1 of 2 camps…tough/Bitchy Queen bee, or sweet manipulative/political queen bee…there are a couple who avoid both stereo types (kudo’s to them)…At the Limited it was worse because leadership was actually fairly balanced female/male…so your top leaders were queen bee’s…with an extra smattering of fashion bitchyness and true power…remember The Devil wears Prada, I have witnessed this type of behavior in real time…and they all earned their stripes through a myriad of diabolical feed your kids to the lions ways…My current organization’s female execs have worked hard to get to the positions of power with less devious attributes and most if not all truely deserve their titles if not their bosses…It it involves males and females it involves sexism…can’t be avoided…
M
As a dude, let me just say that as a leader, if you choose to mentor, gender should not be an issue. Mentor whomever you want provided you both feel that there is value in the relationship. If your a woman, and that happens to be a man, so be it and vice versa. It’s time we all stopped thinking with our jumbly parts, and started using our heads. Man or woman, good is good and as business people we owe it to ourselves to invest in that.
More troubling to me is the lack of true leadership, male and female at VP level positions. Most people do get to a position in a company and then fight to hold on, and that means actions that don’t always engender anyone to really love following you. If more people promoted into leadership roles really had the talent for the “soft skills” part of the job, people development would happen day to day with little effort. On top of that, stuff would get done and results would be had.
I’m sounding all hopey and stuff, but I think most organizations lack true leadership and a filled with people hanging on to power.
….and ARE filled with people hanging on to power. (Must learn to proofread)
To start with, my current employer is not sexist. And it’s a relief.
I can’t tell you how many times I worked for some Boomer chick who thought there could be only one broad in the boardroom. And I have the imprint of her sensible two-inch kitten heel in my forhead to prove it.
I see your point about mentoring. Hey, sometimes I feel like being helpful and sometimes I don’t. But what a lot of women do, is sabotage other women. I think this is more of a boomer thing, though. There’s a difference between not being a mentor and being an asshole. I find that I have allies in other Gen X women and we “help a sister out” when she needs it. In fact, I’d say we mentor each other, even though we’re the same age, because there aren’t a lot of mentors for us. A brilliant boomer gal I work with says, “boomer women don’t mentor.”
Anyway, I guess my point is that if you’re not being an asshole, nobody should give you a hard time for not mentoring someone.
“There
Has anyone ever really had a really good mentor? I wonder what that feels like?
I have had a couple of really great managers who helped me develop, but I never really felt that they were mentors.
QB Syndrome exists, as does turf syndrome.
People are insecure beasts at their best, and assholes at their worst.
Neither tends to put one on the road to Nirvana.
@ Michael,
I have. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t. Know one grows up wanting to be a recruiter, and when you somehow stumble into it, there’s a lot to learn and the failure rate is so high. I was very lucky to have the agency owner take me under his wing, and not just teach me how to be a great recruiter, but about business and the industry. Even though I’m now half a country away, we still communicate regularly and he has been instrumental as a teacher and a sounding board.
Based on that experience I have tried to pay it forward with others and hope that I can be half the mentor to them as he has been to me.
This is definitely not a Boomer chick thing. I don’t know if I qualify as gen x or y (I’m on the borderline in terms of birth year, 1976) but I can tell you there is a reason I don’t have many female friends and it has direct connections to this workplace behavior.
When I find that the average attitude of women within a ten year radius of my own age to be, “She’s so pretty. Bitch!” I wonder if something isn’t distinctly wrong with our estrogen laden brains.
Don’t get me wrong; I believe this mentality has it’s roots in patriarchal society and is not anything that women consciously choose to subject themselves to. And yet there it is, all the same.
I am returning to school (finally) for the first time since high school and I have encountered this mentality — and it’s work/school equivalent as described in this post — in abundance. Most of my fellow students are in their 20s or 30s. Amusingly, my classmates that are more mature chronologically speaking show no signs of the Queen Bee syndrome (well except for the men, how odd).
As a dude in the Nursing profession, I have had nurmerous female mentors. They were some of the most memorable, the most giving, and most awesome people that I will never ever forget. Now after 25 years in the profession and holding the position of a clinical coordinator responsible for organizing and developing the clinical education for graduate student Nurse Anesthetists from two major universities, I can honestly tell you that a day doesn’t go by where I strive to give back with all my heart and all the same diligence, the same respect, the same support that I was fortunate to have received. Mentoring isn’t just about giving. Its about giving back. One thing about most nurses is that they “get this”. We couldn’t do it without each other and we have a legacy of standards we wish to impart—not just for the sake of being one up or for the promotion, but for the beleif in what we do. Queen Bees maybe sometimes, but at the end of the day I bowed down to them and respected them for their patience, their skill, and their willingness to teach under extreme duress.
I call this person the “Friendly Autocrat.” When it’s a woman, it’s the Mother Hen/Queen Bee. When it’s a man, it’s more the Southern Gentleman who’s sweet as pecan pie yet completely inflexible in his views.
Either way, the person is extremely controlling, overly protective of her turf/nest/hive, and easily threatened. The person is generally also very nice on the face of things, even when crossed. (Sometimes, it’s not until you call the person out that their true colors are often revealed.) They may promise to support you, but the support never materializes. (“Now’s not a good time…” “I don’t want you to get hurt…” “You’re not ready yet…”)
Mother Hens are often not recognized by outsiders for what they are because they can appear supportive and helpful when in fact they’re not.
They also prize the status quo and will sacrifice results to maintain it.
To work with a Friendly Autocrat, never threaten. Ask for help instead
The Queen Bee is alive and well, but I don’t know that it is either generational or gender specific. The same behaviors that define a Queen Bee can also define men. I think the behavior is cultivated and honed in organizations that reward it. What that means is that no one is watching these people and if they are, they don’t care and in fact reward bad behavior by moving these people up the ladder. No one behaves in a way that doesn’t reward them in some way.
Not everyone wants to mentor and not everyone is cut out to play the role of mentor. It isn’t a jerk thing and again, if you’re in an organization that forces it on you, labels you negatively because you don’t or won’t, or if not participating in mentorship hinders your ability to move up the ladder, then I would say your company is just going through the motions and doesn’t get it. I don’t necessarily think you have to be a mentor to be a good leader.
Jackbuilt
Please pay attention when you use ’s e x’ in your expressions! That is usually being filtered in our country!
Anyway, since a woman became a boss in our workplace, all men left (or was left out!) our office! She imported some women instead them. Now there is only one man here and that’s me! Despite jealously behaving between women, I think ‘Queen Bee syndrome’ really exist.
@Ann No I haven’t read the book. I’ll check it out from my local library. I can relate to the ‘cringe’ aspect because several of my work environments have been LORD OF THE FLIES for HR chicks. Very sad.
@Mark It’s tough because every bad leader makes it harder for the next generation to succeed. The stench of sexism is all over ‘em. Good insights. Thanks.
@Jimmy It’s so hard to see mentoring as an investment. How do you measure ROI? In a stupid environment where arbitrary measurements are key, mentoring shows no immediate return on investment.
@nelking I like how you frame this — it’s a lack of leadership, ethics, and values. It can be gender specific, but more often, it’s institutional failures that drive much of these problems.
@GenX I think you’re absolutely right about this being a generational thing. I do my best, try to remember that a rising tide lifts all boats, and hope that I’m helpful. I adhere to the No Asshole rule. What else do you want?
@Jenn I’m with you on all of that, but I can’t believe it’s 2009 and we’re still fighting these same battles with other women. Mostly it’s just depressing.
@Michael Very good point about turf syndrome. Totally accurate, indeed.
@Mouse Two things: it’s awesome that you’re back in school & I also wonder how much academia forces us to regress into stupid behaviors. I went to graduate school for three weeks to be a teacher and the people in there — my age — acted like we were back in high school. Christ, there is no hope for humankind.
@Daisycutter That’s a nice take on respecting the Queen Bee. Very compassionate and generous.
@Jason I love this advice. It’s awesome. I wonder if this is how people deal with me to get what they want. Now I’m looking out for it… and I’ll punish people when I think they’re patronizing me.
@Jackbuilt I don
Hey Laurie;
Nicely said! And I agree that Queen Beeism exists in ALL organizations where there are successful or strong women.
As you define its principal distinguishing mark, however, might it be a phenomenon/syndrome manifested by both women and men?
What might we call men who fail to realize that they’ll not be promoted in good organizations until they grow their own replacement?
Blessings!
@GaryFPatton in Toronto
So I have these questions:
Does the Queen Bee syndrome really exist?
I started by looking at the provided wiki link. The syndrome does exist, albeit in a gender neutral form. The QB’esque may be more predominant in HR due to imbalanced gender demographics.
Is it sexist to suggest that it exist?
No. Of course we could always dilute the impact of the term through political correctness and pretend. The valid concern remains whether we are deliberately politely precise or use a more emotionally charged label.
Does the Queen Bee syndrome exist but is it mislabeled? Is it just an example of failed leadership
I think your third point is most accurate: I think it is a failing of leadership, regardless of gender. Coming from IT, I am in a male-centric and dominated environment. And while I have been lucky enough to have some exceptional leaders, part of what makes them “exceptions” is that they were in the minority. Most of them didn’t know how to mentor anymore than the women you describe.
While I think that women are raised to behave (especially towards other women) in ways that make the “Queen Bee” notion seem fitting, I do not buy that the underlying cause of that particular managerial inadequacy is more prevalent in female leaders than in male ones.
I work in a small office with ALL women. When I tell people that, their first response is usually something along the lines of “Oh, and how’s that working for you?” with a smirk. I think the assumption is that women working together = cattiness and some version of the Queen Bee syndrome.
Sure it can get a little ugly around here from time to time, but coming from someone who worked for only men for my first few years of employment, working for/with women was a much-needed change. Here’s why:
1. Women tend to be more straightforward. They don’t beat around the bush when there’s a problem and they’ll be the first to congratulate you (sometimes with a hug)when you’ve done something right.
2. They listen to you. Studies show that women are a) better listeners than men and b) more empathic in their response.
3. They want to see you succeed. Our company President took great interest in my career, even before she became my boss! When placed in the right employment scenario, women utilize their nurturing capabilities to help their teammates succeed.
4. They never forget a birthday. ‘Tis true…and they’ll actually get you gifts that you want and like.
There have been times where I yearn for my days with the non-communicative dudes- there are certain days/times of the month you don’t want to step foot in our office! But for the most part, we laugh, joke and have our own special “girl’s club” that I’m glad to be a part of…
I guess I’m a Gen-Y-er, but the boss at my first professional job was a Gen-X-er. She mentored me from my first day, and I’ll forever be indebted to her. She believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Of course, she was replaced by a QB, and I got out of dodge ASAP.
I do think it is real; it is typically engendered by the cultural inequities that women face. It similar, well not just similar it is actually abuse. Many victims of abuse grow up to be wonderful caring people, others become abusers themselves.
If you manage people you should be a mentor. I am sure there is an exception to every rule but I can
@Gary Thanks for the comment!
@RSM I like the idea of recognizing behaviors and trying to work them into the normal processes. Don’t fight it — accept it and move forward.
@Alora I think you’re right — managerial inadequacies aren’t related to gender.
@Abby This is an awesome blog post for you!
@WebCX My best boss was a Gen Xer who is 7 yrs older than me (I’m late GenX) and I will also be indebted to her, too.
@Corey But if you are managing people you should always help them grow. I think this is ideal, but what if you just help them do a really good job in the short-term? Why must we always focus on developing the next generation of leaders — the ones who will stab us in the back and replace us at our weakest moments?
Personally I think if we focus on short term goals we only have short term success.
Maybe if we foster an environment of growth, we will have less backstabby behavior or get some positive turnover – I don’t know maybe that is a pipe dream…
Thanks for the post, Laurie – you rock as usual. I need to go mentor someone who came into my office while I was eating lunch and I only gave them a quick answer. Time to go use more nouns and verbs and explain the reasons for some processes.