Jess left a comment on my blog that I wanted to share with you.
What I’m disgruntled about currently… is the long online application process of many organizations. I’ve spent upwards of 6+ hours for a good job submission… carefully constructing my cover letter, researching the company a bit, tailoring my resume to that position, crafting essays…. taking online personality tests, skills assessments, etc. Only to hear nothing. Or to receive a generic email two months later that the position was not created. I understand why the online submission process is lengthy… but after countless lengthy submissions, I am tired and pessimistic. Ho hum!
Ho hum, indeed.
I’ve written about the unfortunate ways that we treat candidates and job seekers in America. There are great pieces all over the internet about it, too. What interests me most in Jessica’s comment is the concept of rejection.
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I have been rejected, both professionally and personally, more than any other woman you know. I put myself out there in a very public way. Sometimes it works for me. Sometimes I fail spectacularly.
Although I have an ego and I don’t like to hear bad news, it doesn’t bother me to be rejected 95% of the time. The 5% that comes through is awesome. I’ll take it.
Having experienced both highs and lows in my life, I know that the art of rejection is lost. We live in a society that fears conflict. This is true at work, in our families, and in our personal lives. It takes a strong person to look another human being in the eyes and say no. When that person is finally courageous enough to have a difficult but honest conversation — whether it’s a loved one, a colleague, or a peer — the other person often flips out. The intended message is often lost in drama and misunderstanding.
Knowing that rejection is such a pain-in-the-ass, many employers and loved ones would rather say nothing than engage in the turmoil. It’s a shame. I think there’s something important that can come out of a good-old-fashioned conversation where someone is told NO.
- Rejection can provide an opportunity to move forward in a new direction. If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it.
- Rejection provides clarity and puts the ball in your court. Once you’ve been rejected, you regain control and you can choose where your life goes next.
- Rejection gives you a chance to look back and see that maybe, just maybe, you dodged a bullet.
Do we lack emotional maturity as a society? Are we destined to operate out of impulse to protect our fractured egos?
Take it from a woman who has been told NO more than she’s been told YES:
- Just because you have been passed over doesn’t mean you won’t be considered for future roles and opportunities.
- The timing for your success might not be right.
- The role you are destined to fill might not be open, right now.
- There may be an incumbent in a position who hasn’t moved into a better role, herself.
No one has ever accused me of being an optimist, and I’m hardly sentimental about life. I just hope that when you are rejected, whether professionally or personally, you stop and think before you react. Those feelings of worthlessness and sadness were in your head before you heard the bad news.
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Here’s a final thought. You might be doing everything right and it might not make a difference. The hiring process, like most of life, isn’t in your control. Once you know what you can and can’t control, you can put the rejection into context and move on to something better.
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Yes, when you “put yourself out there in a public way” you open yourself up to rejection and humiliation yet the “awesome” 5% makes it worthwhile.
Very nice post and outlook on the art of rejection.
I’d rather have honest rejection than nothing. If you operate in a state of fear over rejection you’ll never accomplish anything meaningful.
I’m so glad you’re talking about this today because I got an email last night from a former direct report (we both got laid off the same day along with many others) and he wrote:
“FYI, nothing came of (company name). I left the guy I interviewed with a couple of messages to follow up, but he never returned either message. Very douchy of them to not even have the courtesy to reject me. Oh well…”
This is a guy who’s been out of work for eight months now. He’s also spent most of his career selling magazine advertising — a tough market now. He can’t be feeling good about where he is in life right now, especially as others he used to work with have found jobs or moved on to other things.
Your post got me thinking about what I can say to him to give him encouragement and help him maybe figure out a new path. Hard to do when he’s 2800 miles away (I’ve sinced moved) but he needs support. And so many people are hesitant about talking about these things with the ones in need.
There are so many hurting confused underconfident people out there right now. Yes, a lot of them might have already been lacking in the confidence and gusto departments, they were just maintaining and staying employed. I’m so astounded that companies treat candidates in ways they would never want anyone to treat their loved ones. So hurtful!
From a technical recruiter point of view, whenever I look in my inbox of inqueries for posted positions, if I see a long, drawn-out cover letter?? usually means the candidate is trying too hard to explain experience that might or might not relate to the requirements– or is trying to push the “I can learn very quickly” factor too much. NO— you need to have the minimum requirements or you’re just not qualified for the job, period!!
I don’t know Jess’s background— but if you absolutely focus on positions you most definitely qualify for– you might see your rejection ratio go down.
Also–concerning the rejection factor– and this is coming from experience– eventually you’ll find to not “marry” yourself to any one position– and you’ll finally “get over yourself” and stop having your ego bruised every time you step out to look for work. The shell get’s harder, beleive me—
1. God, I love this post.
2. Maybe it’s a mind-meld thing, but failure is my topic of the week, and I have a video running tomorrow on… REJECTION! (Fancy that.)
3. When you play by others’ rules, you really have nothing to complain about. You think someone who puts 6+ hrs of hoops in front of you during the app submission process is going to make the back end easy?!
4. Chin up, shoulders back. March on.
Passive rejection sucks pretty bad. I think the give and take between a lot of recruiters and job seekers is pretty lop-sided.. or at least that’s what it gets a bad rap for. Recruiters have an amazingly rich pool of active job seekers and if they’re being passive in how they reject individuals, no matter how much work it seems like, it’s a slap in the face.
I would prefer the honest “no” and move on — or build a better situation from the “no” with the other person.
Hanging chads hang on to our psyche and muddle the edges of optimism about a position and a company. If we get the clean “no,” we respect that and move on, including with other positions in the same company.
As well, a person must be willing to say “no” to a request or opportunity because it does not match what the person needs for success. Much harder to do with desperation sitting at the door, but principles need to mean something when times are tough, not just when times are good.
Thanks for writing this article.
Terrific post! One of your opening thoughts says it all..”it doesn’t bother me to be rejected 95% of the time. The 5% that comes through is awesome. I’ll take it!” (I added the “!”.)
I’m planning to share your post with my network. Thanks!
Ok, so put yourself in the recruiters shoes, 1100 resumes show up within 48 hours of posting a job. the top 3 candidates were probably referrals anyway…And the recruiter is working on 15 – 20 jobs at one time (yes if their hiring 1 job-they probably have open to buy in recruiting for several)…like healthcare and taxes – the system is broken…the recruiters focus is on filling the job…not talking to every candidate…we all know the way the system works…and we are not going to change it in the near term either…so is it better to get an automated response telling thanx for the submission, or a cold email that sais we have it in our database, or nothing at all…none are optimal…Like you said 5% acceptance is pretty good…I think the focus should be on finding a way to get in the door with a live person submitting your resume…not a faceless email…the people who have figured that out are getting the lion’s share of the jobs available…at least the interviews…
One of my more serious posts…one of the more serious topics too…
M
I can imagine how tough it is to receive rejection during what is probably the most difficult and stressful time of your life, I’ve been there. I tend to not take resume rejection too personal. It’s a process, its the way things are,….I accept it with a grain of salt. You have no idea whats going on behind the scene that have nothing to do with the applicant so don’t take it personal. Realize that now a days, looking for a full time job is a full time job!!! and the 6 hours you put in now today, may result in a position 2 months from now! There is so much happening these days that you are better off not dwelling on the rejection….put your big girl panties on or big boys whitey tighties and keep it moving folks….there’s nothing to watch here….
This scenario makes me sad — I hate that so many people feel captive to the process. Cover letters almost always ONLY matter if you’re sending them to a real, live human being. Chances are, if you’re filling out a lengthy online app, the employer is either doing keyword searches on critical skills and reviewing the resumes that appear to have the closest match to the requisition requirement or they’re trying to comply with an Affirmative Action plan that requires them to track applicant data. Either way, you leave a lot to chance by investing so much time and energy into an anonymous process that never involves interaction with another human being.
The info below was taken directly from a report we receive from one of the major job boards. 997 people applied. 9 9 7!!!! I’d guess 100 of them actually read the job description before responding. We hired 11 engineers through networking, direct recruitment and referrals. We hired another 9 through a contract staffing outfit. We hired two through the job board.
Job Title: Structural Engineer
Appeared in search results: 11702
Job Click Count: 997
Job Applied Count: 148
Applicants Hired: 2
I’ve said this before, figure out 10 to 20 places you would like to work and invest the time you would have spent filling out the anonymous applications on getting to know people who work for those companies. Call the sales weasels. They love talking to strangers and they’re so used to hearing “no” and fighting their way into client organizations that they’re often pleasantly surprised when someone calls who actually wants to talk to them. Pleasantly surprised people like to help. I promise! Better yet, try really hard to find someone who knows someone who is either a decision maker at the organization to which you are applying or has the ability to influence a decision maker. People look past the receptionist, the admin and the executive assistant all the time. BIG mistake.
Here’s part two — once you get in front of the real, live human being you must solve a business problem for them at a price that makes sense for their company. Use examples where you’ve solved similar business problems in the past or show that you’ve got an answer, ability or trait that your competitors lack. Don’t be above temping. Especially if you can get an assignment in the department in which you want to work. Employers often have low expectations of temps. When you show up on time, don’t complain, and demonstrate that you’re capable of more than your assignment requires you’ll be amazed at how much easier it is for you to get the job than a similarly experienced person who doesn’t role up their sleeves and show they can contribute.
We’re past rude in this country. It was possible to send a hand-typed and wet signatured letter to all rejected applicants when an application involved sending a linen-paper resume and cover letter. You just didn’t get 1000 responses back then and you didn’t have HR departments that were trying to reach some crazy 1:150 ratio for employee base to HR headcount. Now it’s just too easy for people to post for jobs they’re not qualified to fill now. The e-mail resume is so impersonal that it doesn’t feel like you’re doing a disservice to someone by not responding the same way it does when that person your rejecting is at least in some way a demonstrably human person with feelings and such.
I just had this conversation with a friend of mine. He’s in his late 20s, smart as hell, has a doctorate….and cannot get hired anywhere to save his life. Unfortunately, he’s become really negative and I think that negativity is getting his way.
And (as you know, Laurie) I have so, so, SO been there. Being laid off (rejection by current employer) and then getting stuck in a lather/rinse/repeat cycle of rejection with potential employers makes you have serious self-doubts.
As personally as I took my layoff (at least initially) I eventually turned it into a positive. I now keep a healthy distance between me and my job, and don’t let the job become my life. And I am working on filling in the blanks in my accomplishments, so that no one can ever put me on a list of expendable employees again.
My friend’s frustration is a valid one, though, and similar to Jess’s. I submitted at least 500 resumes in ten months (probably more), and I don’t think I randomly applied to jobs I wasn’t qualified for – I did my homework. I received seven responses. SEVEN. Which is a .014 response rate. I would have appreciated even a form letter response (feedback would have been even better).
I disagree Laurie. I think I once did accuse you of being an optimist.
And coming from someone else who puts herself out there, I am inspired by the way that you risk “failing spectacularly”. People who stick their necks out get their heads knocked around a bit. My jangled head is here to prove that you can survive it.
All that said, no person or company should expect a 6 hr investment of time towards a job application unless the applicant is a finalist for a very competitive job, in which case, the applicant would have been notified that they were under serious consideration. Rejection is not the word for Jess’ experience. Exploitation is a more accurate term.
Regardless, my hope is that spending 6 hours on the process was not lost on Jess. Even if it did not land the desired job, it no doubt helped her refine her message and articulate her strengths. That will help down the road, as it will put the words in her mouth when she most need them.
I am reminded of an old Simon and Garfunkel song, here:
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev’ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains
This fighter still has a pocket full of mumbles, but the the fighter carries on.
(Still trying to broaden your musical tastes, Laurie.)
About the personality tests (because they are the specific thing that gets people turned down often); they are possibly UniCrew tests (common at many retail outlets but also being used for more office types of jobs). You can find cheat sheets online. Google a Unicrew test, read the complaints about them, read the policies enforced around them (from former HR people at companies that use them), and read the bizarro ways in which they expect you to answer (completely counter-intuitive) and you will see why people advocate cheating them. One example; an automatic fail ona Unicrew test is to answer “somewhat” (as opposed to strongly) agree or disagree with any question. Another example is that saying you don’t like to go to concerts/loud crowded large public events is an automatic fail.
Put another way, I long thought I culd BS my way through the “duh” questions on an employment personality test, until I was faced with Unicrew.
In fact the cheat sheet I use for Unicrew tests came straight from an HR person who use to work for Hollywood video (the first place I ever saw one of the Unicrew tests).
http://www.timothyhorrigan.com/documents/unicru-personality-test.answer-key.html
http://liekkisusi.wordpress.com/soapbox/unicru-assessment-guide/
@Diane Thanks. Your comments help me to be brave.
@Minion Sometimes I *say* that I’d rather have an honest rejection than nothing at all, but then I remember how hard it is to hear rejection. I have to live my own advice, too. It’s tough.
@Deirdre You are a good friend. Sometimes we can’t offer advice. We can only bear witness. It’s sad. You tell your friend that he’s loved.
@MattyMat My shell is pretty strong — until I get vulnerable for two seconds. Ugh. I hate those moments.
@Jason This is because you’re my brother from another mother (and father).
@JR sometimes the whole process feels like a slap in the face. Can’t we do better?
@Scot Thank you. I love the visual image of hanging chads. Nice.
@Melanie Thank you!
@MarkF I know, I know. I’m beyond the candidate experience and just talking about rejection in general… but you’re right that the process is broken.
@Latina HR I like the idea that rejection can make you stronger. Big girl panties not necessary, though.
@Scott Wow, this is a blog post. What’s your URL? Interesting points. I think you’re right about some of your points. The whole process is more than impersonal. In can feel humiliating.
@Patrick Ken said to me, “Remember the days when companies would reject you via a postcard that had been typed up on a typewriter?” Ah, those were simpler times. Easier on the soul. Funny how it seems that way.
@BZ My parents loved music so I was raised with a panoply of records. I rebelled by hating their tastes. I’m lukewarm on Simon/Garfunkel but I will say that my HS boyfriend and I used to listen to The Graduate soundtrack in his car — on his tapedeck.
@Mouse The Google personality tests are online, too. What a scam.
Some very helpful advice here! Notably, Scott… some points/strategies I hadn’t considered.
Personally, this new rejection period I’m currently going through is also compounded by recently graduating. In college, I at least had “minor feats”… excelling in a class, receiving positive feedback from a critical prof, successfully presenting semester-long research, etc. These mini-accomplishments helped to offset the occasional roadblock. Now, I have a part-time job that I’m thankful for, yes. But a well-trained monkey could probably do it, so I lack a feeling of accomplishment and progress. I am hesitant to seek out new pro-bono projects… after I was burned as a summer intern. I still go above and beyond to prove my work ethic and character, but if they don’t have the money to make my position full time, well… it is what it is.
I do a pretty good job of not letting rejection get me down, but it is a hard reality to enter into. I’ve never really questioned my abilities or aptitude until I graduated. Now, I want to enroll in Calculus again just so I feel useful, confident, and optimistic about something again. And my hatred of calculus soars like the mighty eagle…
I admit I’m probably too sensitive to perceived rejection. If I continue to take breaks from job searching everytime my feelings get hurt, I’ll always be underemployed.
Welcome to the real world, kid. Toughen up!
This was perfect timing Laurie. Yesterday I got a PHONE CALL thanking me for my application but the company had chosen to pursue another candidate. Just the fact that someone actually had the courtesy to inform me of this made my week.
Laurie,
I am Corina Neagu and I live in Romania. I highly appreciate your blog and I follow it every day.
I think exactly the same way, but I did not dare to put my thoughts on paper. Why? As I might loose the only chance left to get a job this year. And I am looking already for few months and I have two children to raise.
Sometimes I get so upset and I start crying in a corner so that nobody sees me. There is so much frustration in me and I cannot help asking myself why?
Today you helped me find some answers.
Thanks.
Great post!
I, too, was laid off for almost 9 months last year. I was totally fortunate to have tons of activity. You’d think I’d be totally happy that I was getting interviews! But, it was frustrating to go on so many phone interviews, in person interviews (some far away too) and spend all that time, and get rejected so much and wonder, “I’m getting all this activity, why am I not getting an offer” (probably had to do with me needing to grow some balls and be more confident in my abilities and better sell myself!!! A good friend and ex-coworker of mine gave me some great feedback when he reminded me that I had a HUGE role at my previous job and to not forget all the stuff I did, that I wasn’t selling that enough).
Realisticly, I wasn’t that interested in 99% of the jobs (due to location, company, role, whatever), there were 1 or 2 that I really wanted, but didn’t get. If I had gotten an offer earlier in the process, it would have just been to have a job, not necessarily one I was excited about up front. And, I would have missed out on wonderful time with my young son. I had at least 2-3 interviews a month, or calls from recruiters, networking, something.
I also had at least two companies that I had inperson interviews with not call me back to give me a rejection. I don’t care if I don’t get a rejection letter if I never even talk to some one about the position. But if I do, especially if I have an interview, please, just tell me either way.
I also had one company, that I traveled 2 hours both ways to get to, spent close to $100 in travel costs that weren’t reimbursed, oh, and $100 for daycare, only to be told “oh, they didn’t tell you we could have done this over the phone? This is just an informational interview as I don’t think you’re quite ready for this position.” Ugh.
I finally did get a great job, that so far I love. It is a little more money than my old one, a ton closer, and more time off and (so far) less hours!
Having your resume or appplication ignored is business as usual. You have to focus upon the hits and not the misses.
What is insulting is when they do contact you with a rejection after you have interviewed with them.
My most extreme experience involved American Standard. I had two phone interviews, several email exchanges, and I spent 1.25 days on site with them. About week after their expected decision deadline, I tried contacting them. No one returned my call. I tried a couple more times over the next week before giving up. Eventually, I learned from a headhunter that they had restructured the job shortly after I had visited.
Inpiring post.. You deserve a “VIRTUAL HIGH FIVE” today…. The point is keep pressing on…. “Energy flow where a attention goes” If you having a rough patch, thinking “rough patch thoughts” will only get you more of what you think about… Everybody was put on this earth to shine… keep moving in the directions of your core desires… Best, Brian-