Okay, I get it. People with crappy jobs don’t want to write an essay about their jobs on the chance that they might win $100. I hear you. I received your feedback.
Fine. You’re both lazy and principled. I respect it.
I still want to have a contest, so let’s open it up to everyone. Now that anyone can play — crappy job or no job — I’ve changed the rules.
- You can win a $50 Amex Gift Card from me. (Downgraded from $100 cash because, well, now there’s no real effort involved.)
- You can still win Gary V’s book — but really, who doesn’t have a copy of this book? Even my Gramma read this book — and she still thinks the Jets suck.
- You can have the other useless business books in my house.
All you have to do is leave a comment to this post. I don’t care what you write. Consider this an open forum to complain about your job, praise your coworkers, or tell me to go f–k myself.
Leave a comment. Win $50. You can’t get much easier than that.
I’ll draw a winner around December 21st or whenever I get around to it. Yeah, that’s right. I’m lazy, too.
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I hate Fig Newtons.
I kinda like Fig Newtons myself. Not so fond of Moon Pies.
I’d tell you to go f-k yourself but then you’d probably make a cute little video about this guy who made comments on your blog to go f-k yourself. See my dilemma?
My cat’s breath smells like cat food.
I tried complaining about my job, but I ignored myself (self-employed).
My dog farted in my face last night. It smelled much worse than his dog food.
I don’t think you should have changed the contest rules, btw.
A few random thoughts this morning..
- My boss sounds like a female Lumberg. It’s amusing and disturbing at the same time.
- I’m trying to determine if certain friends have always been narcissistic and attention-starved, or if their status updates just make it appear that way…
:heavy sigh:
Money!
Pergo…discuss.
We received our gifts from my parents yesterday in the mail. I am afraid. About two weeks ago they phoned and stated with much glee that “it is going to be a clothing christmas”.
The boxes remain unopened in front of my desk. My parent’s history of choices for gifts is tragic at best. There was the year that my very cute 22 year old brother got haggar double knit non roll waistband pants with a shiny shirt from the 1970′s – this was 1995.
Last year I received a flower pin – a dollar store version of what Carrie Bradshaw wore in Season 1. It is the size of a manhole cover and spray painted gold.
We have had our share of horrific christmas/holiday sweaters and holiday sweatshirts decorated with glitter fabric puff paint. Homemade caftans made from highly flammable polyester fabric sewn together with nylon fishing thread.
My new husband hasn’t been around for the years of “oh, try it on. Let us see” followed by flashbulbs going off to immortalize the embarrassment for generations to come. Although he is afraid. His birthday present from them was a novelty gift (ala the singing bass mounted on a board)… this doozy was a very old man sitting on a toilet with his pants around his ankles with the appropriate bathroom sounds as a peppy lil sing-a-long tune. He was speechless. A lovely initiation into my parents idea of “gifts”
So the boxes sit. Perhaps until enough adult beverages are consumed to see the contents in a different light.
Happy Holidays…
Don’t be a coward David.
Go f-k myself.
Sid.
My utilities for this month are double what I budgeted. And I still haven’t bought any Holiday presents…
I think I need snow tires.
I haven’t bought any Christmas presents. I have 2 kids and I haven’t bought ANYTHING. I hate shopping, I hate crowds and I don’t want to go.
I’m going shopping tomorrow.
We have a new kitten and its peeing on my favorite antique rocking chair cushion. I wish it would stop peeing there. I think that it’s good that there isn’t anything under the tree cause i’m sure the kitten wants to pee on the presents too. I see her looking at the empty space and then looking at me with a “well? where are they?” look on her cat-face.
I’ve had the misfortune to work for the world’s worst attorney, the world’s most scatterbrained attorney, and the worlds best Director. I can at least say I’ve learned something from all of them.
Best comment thread ever. I just spit diet coke out of my nose reading this mess. As Bizzaro Cartman would say “I love you guys”.
My own randomness, I have a thread or maybe a cat hair in my eye it’s really pissing me off.
The bad news is that my wife got a new ignitor and gas mixing valve for the furnace for Christmas this year. The good news is, this is the first time I’ve spent $700 on her Christmas present!
I really, really like dinosaurs.
I am hoping to win the books so I can put them all around my office and make it seem like I read all kinds of business related stuff…. when I really only read books by Chelsea Handler, Kathy Griffin, Lisa Lampaneli, and lots of rock-n-roll biographies! Pick ME Pick ME
I figured everyone already had heard my story of how I worked for a temp agency as a single mom to pick up weekend work when I wasn’t at my full time job. One temp gig was a GEMCO opening- wearing a smelly and I might add wet, ICEEE BEAR costume and walking around with ICEE samples while kids poked me and teenagers kicked me in the butt and ran.
ICEEs are like slurpees and the ICEE BEAR is a giant polar bear.
It sucked, but I had to feed my kids!
My dogs need snuggies
I got one for ya.
When I was working in Oakland, I went to a little shop half a block from work to get a donut before my workday started. To give you an idea of what it’s like in this area, there are people smoking pot (or other stuff depending on the day) and people selling pirated DVDs out of their trunks, among other unscrupulous activities. I never bought anything because…well, when you make $5 an hour in one of the higher cost of living areas in the U.S., you just use bit-torrent.
Anyway, I go inside, and see two of my coworkers there. One of them waves to me, and I reply saying, “Yo.” Mind you, everyone else in there is black and/or Hispanic, and they all turn to look at the dumbass white boy who said that. My coworkers just got their food to go, and on the way out said, “Good job,” and to the crowd, “Yeah, we don’t know him.”
I’m sending a special Christmas card to one of them and her wife this year. It reads thus: “I told Santa what I wanted from you for Christmas this year.” “He washed my mouth out with soap.”
oh, why not?
I am disgusted by the anti Christmas policy at work. This is America and I will say “Merry Christmas” at every given opportunity, F@ck you if you don’t like it!
Today I am grateful to not be living in my hometown where it was a balmy -27F, with a wind chill of -53F, this morning.
My boyfriend is in the middle of a divorce and due to the fact that his ex-wife and her attorney are stone-walling because she doesn’t want to pay for her house and car that she chose to keep, my BF’s attorney withheld her November child support check. Since the attorney did that, the ex chose to withhold their children from my bf’s parents (the children’s grandparents) this last weekend. I know this is what everyone has an issue with around the holidays but divorce is a new thing for me and dealing with a woman who is supposed to be a mother but money is more important to her than her children’s happiness is also something that is hard for me to comprehend. I don’t have children but hope to one day and it hurts me so bad that these kids are having to go through this. Their mother is trying to buy them by getting them whatever they wanted for their birthdays (both were in November) and for Christmas but yet she not only can’t pay for her house and car but she can’t pay her gas bill or her car insurance either, my bf is paying for it. My bf has had to change jobs a couple of times over the past several months due to lack of work but finally, I hope, found something steady. Even though it is 15 hours from home and he is gone for 2 weeks at a time then home for 1 week. He has a date in February to finalize this divorce and I can’t wait. He served her, BTW, because she was cheating on him with men online. Yet she still believes he owes her. I’m in HR in Healthcare and a department of one so its a challenge at work everyday. I bought a brand new car in July, drove it off the showroom floor, and it won’t even run now. I have yet to find the Christmas spirit this year but hope I can sometime before Christmas. I love Christmas but as I feel right now, it could just pass me by without me knowing and I would be okay with it too. I do wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. I trying to focus on 2010 and that next year will get better.
Wishing this economy hurrys the f*ck up and get back on track…I’m hoping that my family and friends who are out of work can find successful employment.
This is the winning comment.
I am going to keep a close eye on this thread, so I can see all of the different punctuation marks people use to avoid spelling out the f-word.
And I’m going to eat these here chocolate-covered macaroons that I got at Costco while I do it. Because they’re f-ing delicious.
you should have let me write 500 words on why i love my job in the beginning – i would have won hands down.
i’m just after the books
A nonprofit has had four (going on five) executive directors, each their own specific brand of crazy. The last – who was fired for poor results after not paying any of the organizations bills for more than five months – received three months salary and six months benefits after she was let go. This from an organization that had a projected deficit of more than $50k for the first six months of 2009 and who had not given a red cent in raise in pay to any of the other employees and watched as the cost of benefits raised each year by 20%, disallowing employees to seek alternative benefit providers. This organization has no strategic plan, therefore cannot tell you what programs to implement and which are outside of their goals. Further, has no desire to create a plan, although the push to have “planning retreats” is still alive and well. The board meets four times a year and rubber stamps any and all proposals presented, including those that radically alter the structure of the main revenue-earning program, from which 2/3 of all revenues come. There is no HR department, so the dictator-in-place has free reign and uses it to his benefit, manipulating the board to get what he wants and “delegating” the tasks ascribed to him to the few employees who are still here. This even as he believes the females in the office, late 20, early 30-somethings, exist to set up meetings, order supplies and proof his punctuation-free writings. This is the TRUE tip of the iceberg. I could write a post on each ED that has passed through these doors and a separate one on the board.
Despite my protests, my job title has just been changed to HR Business Partner.
Oh, and yesterday while driving home from work at 65 mph, I hit a 12-point buck who apparently thought it would be really entertaining to kick the side of my car for good measure after smashing my windshield and hood. And I’ll tell you who’s really awesome – the Kentucky Highway Patrol. Officer Moustache showed up at the scene shortly after the deer had scuffled off (probably with a smirk on its face) into the woods. Moustache proceeds to tell me that he sees no fur on the grill of my car, so he can’t “classify” the accident as a deer collision. Evidently the antler-shaped cracks in my windshield and hoof prints in the fender weren’t sufficient. Thank God Geico Lady from Heaven was quite familiar with the KHP and hooked me up – sans deductible of course.
Merry Christmas.
For the acid reflux sufferers….Tums spelled backwards is Smut. I pretty sure it’s a hidden satanic message.
I’m having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit…what should I do to combat the Scrooge tendency this year?
The Misty Mountain Labrador puppy cam available on the iPhone UStream app is going to destroy productivity and send the economy spiraling downward again.
How do we stop puppies from being cute?
I need $50 bucks, stat.
Can I get lucky twice in a year, at Laurie’s website I mean? Time will tell.
Crush It
@Eric I just spit diet coke on my floor over smut/tums.
Carry on.
Crappiest boss (who made it the crappiest job): the one who told me to fire the girl who brought me a sexual harassment complaint against her manager (male). Said he couldn’t have employees who accused VPs of sexual harassment. I guess the flip side is that it was okay to have VPs who sexually harassed female employees (he did it as it turned out). WTF???
In the event I win, please give the prize to Tim Sackett from Fistful of Talent. He is feeling a little left out of the cool kids club I hear.
@K.Finnigan That royally sucks. I say promote one of the employees to the ED position, since they’re most familiar with what needs to get done and how to do it. Getting compensation for being fired or for leaving is absolutely unacceptable, and I have no idea why we tolerate it.
My nephew is the cutest little boy on the planet, and we love Buzz Lightyear and Wall-E.
My last job was working as an Office Manager for a demolition/waste removal company. The “office” was a prefab-shed with no running water and was located in the junkyard. To be fair, I did have my very own port-a-john with a padlock on the door and fake flowers in the urinal to give it a more “feminine” feel. Fantastic.
Gift Cards or Business Books? Are steak knives available?
Oh, and Happy Roxette Holidays!!!
Shut up– Shut up— I’m listening to Skinny Puppy!!
My fabulous uncle made a very compelling argument to me about the necessity of owning a snuggie. He likes to wear his leopard print Snuggie backward because then it’s a long majestic robe. The beauty comes from when you’ve worn it long enough to build up some static and then you kiss your kittie’s nose ans shock both of you. AWESOME!!! I’m so running to get myself a Snuggie today. Also, he says if you turn the lights out and walk around, you will create a fantastic static electricity light show behind you as you walk. I think that’s a pretty good reason to own a Snuggie. I shared the story with my fiance and he said I’ve neglected the only GOOD reason to buy a Snuggie…it keeps you warm when you poop. Yes, I’m marrying that boy.
Sweet! Only parts of my job suck which is why I wasn’t going to join the previous contest. Other parts of my job I love, love, love and it makes it worth all the crappy parts. People are still surprised when I tell them I like HR alot. It is actually getting kind of annoying.
Did I win?
My parents are apparently sending out NRA-themed Christmas cards. I have yet to get one to actually verify this rumor.
Stupidest client issue – manager wants to give an employee discipline for filing a discimination complaint! HELLO, can you say retaliation???!!!! My job would be great if it wasn’t for all the f-ing stupid clients.
I once was the “Lifeguard” at a swimming pool in a run down trailer park. All day long, all summer, little SOBs screaming and yelling and hitting, parents asking me to watch their kids. Kids yelling: “Lifeguard, Johnny pulled my hair;” “Suzie touched my butt.” Oh my Frick, what I would do back then for a free tan and $7.25 an hour.
@econopete I wholeheartedly agree! When another employee and I voiced concern over that very practice, a board member told us (quite condescendingly) that a severance was a totally common practice. If you’re gonna do something shady, do it but don’t look me in the eye and assume I’m stupid and have never seen someone fired. As a young professional, I’m trying to chalk it all up as a learning experience and make notes as to what NOT to do.
$50 would get me so many sweet HR Books…
YES!
I’m glad you opened this up – because my job doesn’t suck. In fact it’s really great, I’m a production designer for an elearning company, so I get to learn lots of things about a variety of topics. But what’s really great is that it’s a small company and totally flexible. In fact, they’re letting me go to three days a week next year so I can save money on daycare, how cool is that? And my son’s daycare is right down the sidewalk in the office park we’re in, so I can go see him whenever I want. So, my job is really great and my company is really great.
Worst HR debacle in recorded history:
Our company changed insurance carriers and every employee had to re-enroll for benefits. To make sure HR had lots to do (justify their staff) every employee was required to attend an open enrollment meeting. REQUIRED. Over half the company works remote and for those lucky employees, the REQUIRED meeting was a conference call.
I dialed in to the conference call from a mad dash to the airport to fly home after a gruelimng week on the road.
The perky new HR assistant was the facilitator of this conference call, and she was so! excited! to! present! to! us! She went through each benefit and gave a great “sales” pitch for each. I’m not sure why we needed to be “sold” on medical and disability benefits, but hey, she was working it.
She got to the part about supplemental life insurance for spouses, domestic partners and dependants. She started her sales pitch for life partners and then moved into the need for life insurance on children.
She flippantly, happily, with great glee told the story of an employee who had a teenage son and didn’t know the child had a medical condition and then one day, just like that (insert snapping finger) the boy walked out on the football field and just fell over dead. Just dead. And that employee collected $10,000 in insurance. She was so happy she got that benefit!
I sat in my rental car in the pouring rain on the side of the interstate shaking my head in disbelief, unable to drive any further. That employee was me and that happened 15 months prior.
Thanks HR.
I love your blog, it’s the first one I got to in Google Reader, and I find you both funny and helpful, which is a pretty great combo. (Plus, we used to live off of Lake Wheeler Drive when we lived in Raleigh; our first-born was born at UNC-Chapel Hill hospital.) Rock on.
Team Donlyn Jones…. please let her win….
omg
How can I follow-up Donlyn’s comment with something funny and non-sequitor (as I was planning) without looking like a raging tool?
I can’t. So, I’m going to use my comment to comment to Donlyn and say that I am incredibly sorry for your loss and for having to work with such a dunder-headed HR person. Whenever I shill life insurance to my employees, I always use my own experience with my mother dying and finding out that she had a life insurance policy to talk up how great it is, rather then someone else’s tragedy.
You have my condolences, Donlyn. For the loss of your son and for the pain of having to work with a dippy HR person.
If Tim Sackett wins the money, he can use the $50 to get started on a dapper new wardrobe like Steve Boese.
I can’t imagine any reason I would have to tell you to go f-ck yourself, Laurie. Besides, I have been reading all kinds of sh*t about f-cking cursing and s*it on-line, so I am not going to do that either.
I will say this though, my cat Zelda is a f-cking lunatic!
I also need to tell you that when I was a letter carrier in East Lansing, Michigan, I once drove for 2 miles at 50 miles an hour down Grand River Avenue with a full tray of letters sitting on the roof of my mail delivery jeep. Those letters got delivered quickly, dude – like via a new kind of local air mail!
I deserve the $50 for telling that story…although no letter was lost in the actual event!
Well…I’ve done stupid thing right now. I started writing a post to you and after 20 minutes or so – while I was checking my online dictionary fore some words because I am from another continent and English is not my mother tongue – I have accidentally shut down your page and my writing has disappeared. Now I am tired. I’ve lost my inspiration to write you about my last job as a waiter with MA in my pocket. Today was the last day of my work. I plan to work as a HR assistant when we get out of crisis – nowdays the people who get that kind of a job have to be Somebody’ s son or nephew with zero IQ presumably. So I’ll keep on finding a job and educating and You can help me with some good (or mediocre) literature if you like. Money I can earn myself. But book reviews are numerous and usually paid so your recommendation is more useful. Thanks and greetings from Croatia:-)
I don’t want to be the wet blanket!
This is the first time I’ve typed that out and I should pay Laurie for using her contest as free therapy.
Rock on with the contest…there is a sign on a billboard I pass in Mississippi for FLICK’s gas and convenience store. The particular half-script font they use blends the L in with I and it honestly looks like the F word.
Chrissie Hynde (still) rocks my world.
F**k missing work. I want it to snow.
Sometimes as the HR Manager, it means the Hold and Restraint Manager.
My 6 yo son is the Perfect child for Me.
Maybe people would take you a bit more seriously without the gratuitous vulgarity? Hmmmmm? We realize it’s your shtick – but you would do better without it.
I like useless business books! But only because one of my roommates is an MBA/consultant, so if he makes fun of me for having an English degree, I can hit him with the book and then bask in the delicious, delicious irony.
And I would never tell you to go f*&% yourself!
Several years ago when I was working as the HR Manager in an automotive plant that was all about being “lean” – one of the very important duties I inherited was stocking the feminine hygiene machines in the restrooms and collecting dimes from them to send to Accounting – since we didn’t outsource that.
At least once a month I would stay at work until around 8pm so I could go out into the warehouse to obtain the supplies from inventory and complete this horrendous task when the fewest amount of employees would be there to avoid. After collecting my supplies, I’d make a mad dash to the women’s locker rooms to hopefully make it there without being seen.
One night, after filling my huge (clear) trash bag full of goodies, the bell rang for 2nd shift’s dinner break. Employees immediately spilled out into the aisles in the warehouse from their workstations to find me standing there holding enough feminine products to meet the needs of a nation. This was a career defining moment – in more ways than one.
I made a career decision that night – that real “HR Pros” don’t get involved with feminine products or collecting dimes from machines. The next day, I walked into the CFO’s office and handed him the keys to the machines (along with about $2.40 in dimes). I argued that since this activity involved handling finances, it was clearly an Accounting responsibility. He bought it – and a lowly Accounting clerk was crowned Keeper of the Kotex.
It’s the little steps in Leadership along the way that build our careers…
Lorie – I hope to win because I hope that you have a copy of excel for dummies…I got snubbed for a management job in favor of someone with “more life experiences with our company”, which translated means 15yrs experience is better than my 4 yrs +2 degrees. This guy has been on the job for a few months now and recently dusted off an old plotter to print out excel sheets in giant format…with straight edge in hand he uses his highlighter to color in cells…If I win an excel for dummies will apear on his desk…If HR is reading this: I am happy to have a job with all the salary reduction programs and shriveling benefits.
Bev & K.Finnigan – it’s quite possible I work with both of you.
I don’t want to mess this contest up by entering twice, but I NEED to share some sage advice.
Even when your job sucks, go all in. Be the awesomest person at your suckiest job…and here’s the formula for that (turn your sound up for the link): http://www.entertonement.com/clips/ccvmglzhkr–We-go-out-we-hit-people-in-the-mouth-NFL-Mike-Singletary-49ers
And when you’ve had all you can handle and are ready to throw in the towel, this is how you go out in style:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkcoobYUu8g
Enjoy!
My company recently “upgraded” our web filter and I can no longer read this blog at work. I’m guessing the #@$% words have something to do with it.
If I win the books I can plead my case that this is an educational site I must have access to.
Maybe I was never Keeper of the Kotex, but as HR, I did have to layoff my own spouse. In a new career now, it was the best decision he never made!
I hate company holiday parties. I like the people I work with, but small talk is not my thing. I wish the company would just take the money they spend on the party and give it out to each employee as a $5 bonus or something like that.
Evangelist Oral Roberts dies in Calif. at age 91. FYI
New rules: no rules — love it!
I had my annual review yesterday. I told the president of the company that I attribute my skill in dealing with people to things I learned from reading Miss Marple mysteries. She was very curious as to what that tidbit might be. Miss Marple’s claim to fame is in knowing human nature and that yes, two people can be the same, but maybe in different towns or different occupations. Personality types and human nature are a fine thing to observe. And that, I must add, is something I learned in my other job as a hair dresser.
@K. Finnegan Just because other people do it doesn’t mean that it’s smart or right. Think of derivatives in the financial market and the mess that caused. Think of voting for Bush: the majority of people did it (in 2004) but was it wise?* The board should VALUE your opinion, since you’re someone who is working there day in and day out (unlike them).
That person would bomb the written argument portion of the GRE.
That board member needs to go f-k himself/herself. I highly recommend getting a dildo, embedding glass shards in it, and sending it to that individual to help in that endeavor. Anonymously, of course.
…Sorry, I really hate stupid people. Even cute can’t fix stupid.
*I apologize if you are still a big Bush supporter, and gladly extend my condolences.
More bacon posts! I’m sure there’s a metaphor for HR in there somewhere.
Ms. Jones should win, if only because of the sheer lack of awareness and sensitivity from the HR rep which is a stain on those who try so hard to do their job correctly. She’s not a wet blanket – she’s a person who contributes to the profitability of the organization. Good lord. I’m sorry for that, Ms. Jones.
Moving on:
I’d like $50 because I just found out one of my close friends and former supervisors (who was also laid off from the same company) just landed a job I’d gone for as well. I’m happy for her (she has 2 kids and a mortgage and I don’t) but mother f u c k e r I’m tired of looking for full-time work.
But others need the money more, and that’s important.
Maybe I should have mentioned I’m working 65 hours this week between 2 part time jobs?
And I love kitties.
I don’t have a job have only 30 days to find another one, or else I will be forced to pack up and head back home to India….
anybody else having the worse holiday season ever?
All these f$#king posts for 50 bucks? I’m not that desperate.
I have a craving for gratuitous profanity. Where can I get me some?
Also, I hereby cede my entry to Donlyn, because HOLY CRAP. And also because I once hired someone as dumb as that assistant, and I pretty much owe the universe for that one.
When barbarians are at the gate, you have more than you think. First, break all of the rules. Straight from the gut, the intelligent investor will take a random walk down wall street. They will now discover their strengths so they can swim with the sharks. If that fails, fall back on your liar’s poker. But never ever forget; what color is your parachute.
I love my job (most days)…I know I am the anti-Christ of malcontent HR practioners…anyway since there’s lots of random stuff being posted under the guiss of winning stuff I have an idea for a blog post…ask for the best FML moment in HR in 2009. Something worthy of the HR hall of shame…you know like when you accidently mailed an offer letter to the wrong salesperson or got caught cursing in the mens room…that would be fun!
M
How ’bout some bacon Fig Newtons to go with the books and the $50 gift card? And the Brew asks that you give out Scrubbilicious Tuna instead of the books.
@Donlyn: I didn’t finish your entire post the first time I read it; I stopped at the second to last paragraph until someone else mentioned it.
I am so very sorry.
Holy shit.
Contest is open until December 21st. We’ll see what other kinds of craziness ensues.
I’m willing to give you $50 just for the opportunity to read all these amazing posts. No shit. This really has made my day with another 6 days to go who knows what else will show up. PRHR followers ROCK!!!!
Few words can describe the terror felt everyday I clock in at my horrific job. The maniacal laughter, the smells, the agonizing confinement make me crave paid vacation and imagine strong brandy instead of the Folger’s in the bottom of my cup .
To read more please go to
mkfoley.blog.com
I had an employee come to me today and tell me that an ex-girlfriend of his burned herself hula hooping. Taking the bait, I asked, “What? How do you burn yourself hula hooping.” His response, “She lit the hula hoop on fire.”
How drunk and desperate for attention do you have to be to gyrate with a flaming circle around your hips?
Being a more sensitive HR guy, I’ll apologize in advance if the burn victim is reading this post – I didn’t get her name or her Punk Rock HR readership status. May I also express my condolences to those who may have lost loved ones in flaming hula hoop tragedies.
No hula hoops were harmed in the making of this post.
P.S. She’s OK. Just some minor burns.
P.P.S. If you enjoy movies about hula hoops, watch “The Hudsucker Proxy”
P.P.P.S If you don’t like movies about hula hoops, I cordially invite you to play Hide ‘n Go F%ck Yourself.
You rock!
I had a crappy job once, but I didn’t think it was an award-winning crappy job. Now that it’s a random winner, I’m in!
I enjoy your blog, it makes me laugh.
This comment thread is hilarious and easily worth $50. I’m jealous
Here’s a resume blunder:
“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”
If I win the $50, give it to your favorite charity.
Good job everyone!
By Dec 26th this year, I’ll be officially unemployed for a whole year.
@Eric — I implore you, please do not graduate from tums/smut to pepto bismol tablets. ingesting too much pepto bismol will make your tongue black. when you call into work to tell them that you won’t be in because you have black tongue, your colleagues will make fun of you behind your back. and don’t even think of showing up the next day and sticking out your tongue to prove your affliction.
If I had a leopard print snuggie and bacon wrapped fig newtons I would not leave the house, ever.
Turtlenecks crush my windpipe and I get a definite choking sensation.
The owner is sleeping with the accountant and gave her a few bonuses on the sly. He then denied my request to reimburse the cost for me to attend the SHRM conference in San Diego. Basically he asked WTF I was thinking. Hmm. In my experience though, it seems to quit, would only have me go to another company where some other shady manager or owner has the all the say. After over a decade, I’ve learned that it’s mostly the same stuff in different forms from job to job. Holla!!
Instead of various punctuation I propose we all begin using that other word that starts with an F and ends with a CK.
FIRETRUCK!!!
BTW – I love Chuckles!!!!!
…and while I’m at it, am I the only HR professional who finds it perplexing that to keep your SPHR cert., you basically have to spend upwards of 2k or so on classes, conferences, etc? What if you work at a place where you’re implementing nothing new? Can’t claim any credits there. Now they’re charging for the better webcasts, so what if your sucky-who-cares-about-continued-education company doesn’t reimburse..what then? You can take online classes for a token at a time x $50. For 1.25 credits. Uh, takes 60 to recertify. ACK! Do the math. I took that sucky test already, doesn’t that count forEVER? It should, damnit. Can I win, so I can buy a token and get 1.25 credits?
I can tell you why my job used to suck: they gave me a manager who was a stereo-typical “small man”. Not only was he phycially small in stature, but he was mentally small. He had no social skills and his management style was divide and conquer. It was unbearable.
But now he’s gone. And that’s all that matters.
All that I have to say is 20 (@jessica_lee), 40 (@steveboese) and 47 (@kris_dunn) can all suck it!
TBD
FISHSTICK!
I would like to win because my HR dept. has informed me I will be laid off….but they won’t give me a timeline! It could be next week, it could be next month, it could be in June. I was told first that they “didn’t want to spoil my Thanksgiving.” Now it’s that they don’t want to spoil my Christmas. As if an impeding lay off isn’t going to spoil my holidays. My real concern is that I want to be employed when the profit share bonuses are handed out next month. Why do I have a feeling my lay off will come just before the checks come out?
A haiku for you …
Employer moving.
I’m training my replacement.
Now, go eff yourself.
I work at the sleeziest company. A member of the Board of Directors wanted me to go grab him some smokes at the local gas station. When I said no, he asked me for my keys. Smokers suck ash!
I love my job, but I am underpaid and resent it. I’m told HR is not valued and my role as benefits manager is not valued, so I should not hold my breath waiting to be brought up to the appropriate level. I remind myself constantly that I’m fortunate to have this job, and I hope things get better in the new year so we can all have jobs and enough money to live, and I can once again complain without guilt.
@Donlyn, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss.
I love my job. Love my boss…now. Last two job sucked. People leave crappy bosses. Why can’t they get that?
I can’t say I love my job but I’m employed in Metro Detroit so I shouldn’t complain.
Although I could use $50.
1- You are really cute!
2- Unfortunately we cannot link as I am a dog person…
3- eBay is the solution for all the people that hate shopping like me
4- Best companies to work for are over rated
5- Most HR professionals are still in the 20th century, some in the 19th century and only a few in the 21st…
I don’t have a crappy job, at least not a crappy enough job to win the contest. My boss is a drama queen and if her personal life is going well then things are great at work. If not, then its like working with Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde and can be quite scary. She is a micro manager one day and the next won’t even speak to me. I have realized some of those jobs I had in the past that I thought sucked were great compared, to this one but again it could be much worse. I’m just thankful to be working.
My company’s horrible holiday party is today. If it’s anything like last year, there will only be enough food to 2/3 of the people.
Frick n Frack
I love easy contests, and my cats, but not the snow.
I’ll bite on your original contest lead….my crappy job. Ahhh the world of Retail Management, check it out: I work for a retailer that pays me pretty well to do the job, however, upon transferring to a different market I have discovered that I now work for someone who values making a buck over the physical safety of his employees. Working this gig has gone from mildly painful to downright unacceptable considering that I am now supposed to allow customers to make verbal and physical threats to my employees in the name of “good customer service.” I am former military and I know what it means to put yourself in harm’s way for all the right reason, but to expect $10.00/hour retail employees to risk their safety for sales?! Really?! Ethically this is bullsh*t, it is devoid of common sense, and it has pushed me over the edge toward being will to take a pay cut of up to 50% just to get away from this gig.
Every promotion the job gets worse and the pay gets better. That’s the life of a wage slave whore. PS Give the gift card to an animal shelter to buy xmas catnip for the kitties..
Well, there’s a lot of duplicity and intrigue at my company. I really don’t get it since our corporate philosophy (ingrained in all the peons like me) is for open communication and transparency. The Executive crowd, however, is stuck in another epoch where the minions are seen and not heard. The only game is them and how they can make the other division look bad. Really unproductive and humiliating sometimes. How do you get your coporation to support it’s own official corporate culture?
I am doing an Orientation class right now… poor kids they probably won’t last another month working here anyways.
This shit is crazy, people. #fact
I kind of like my job – it’s ok for now. BUT… I get to try to sell the concept of succession and talent planning to a state government agency. Hmmmmmmmm……….. I’ve only worked for the public sector for a short time… They are a little behind. sigh…
Woman!!… Where’s ma fitty!!!!????????????!!!!
Today my supervisor shared an e-mail with me at our bi-weekly 1-on-1 meeting that a manager in the field sent to her telling how awesome I am & what a pleasure I am to work with. FTW!
Here’s my shameless comment for $50 bucks! Cause Santa Claus is comin to town and he’s hoping to use that 50 spot to take Mrs. Claus out to a romantic dinner without the elves after the toys are delivered.
Hi Laurie!
I was browsing the web trying to find inspiration to start my blog. Then I ran across your blog and got stuck reading it since last night. (Well, of course I also went home and resumed reading it this morning…hehehe!)
Now I know why it’s Punk Rock HR….damn! you rock!!!
Oh BTW, this is quite long … sorry!
Things I’ve Learned so far from your blog :
1. Be yourself.
2. Do your job well and enjoy excelling in it.
3. Don’t be too sensitive on what others say about you.
4. Go straight to the point and get the message across.
5. You can’t please everyone so work towards pleasing the most important person — yourself!
Who could have thought I can learn all those things from such crappy website? Hahaha!
Worst job or best job?
I’ve been working for the kindest boss for the past 4 years. But I realized that being the kindest boss doesn’t necessarily mean he is the best boss.
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with my job.
I have a resignation letter template ready for submission should I finally decide to call it quits. Yet, there are days that working is just like playing for me.
These past few months I realized, life is all about choices.
We always have choices.
I choose to think I have the best job!
I choose to think I have the best boss!
I always choose to be happy.
and guess what? it seems to be working … coz I’m starting to believe these things!
Merry Christmas to all!!! Keep rockin’ Laurie!
I haven’t bought one Christmas gift. If I won I could give your books out as gifts. hmm..
In my last job, I was VP HR. Nice big title in a little pond. In discussing how to search for a high-level corporate accounting position, my CEO told me that any degree past high school is worthless no matter what. He didn’t go to college so why does anyone need one? He started at this company when it was about 10 people in an hourly position. He stayed and they kept promoting him and he somehow convinced the Board to make him CEO. So we argued (I actually yelled at him) because I do believe work experience can overcome education – up to a point. I don’t want the high school graduate making serious decisions and getting confused between credits and debits. So I had to post a senior accounting position with the requirement “high school diploma or equivalent mandatory” under education. We were grabbing for the low-hanging fruit on that one. Proud of that one. It is one of many.
This is getting to be a very fucked up contest.
Wasn’t the cash prize originally $100.?
So, we have less money than originally promised, a wierd incentive plan (a pile of unspecified books that I’ll probably get stuck paying shipping on), and rules that seem to change daily.
This whole deal sounds exactly like a job I had once.
Not trying to double dip on the contest but I have to reply to Border Desciple. This sounds exactly like the home depot I worked at a few years ago. Scary.
I’m more excited to give my gifts this year than to get any. I think it’s a first for me.
Elvis Costello is god.
However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
-Winston Churchill
I had a really crappy job that stressed me out EVERY day (boss that gave zero authority to get anything done so everything took twice as long, sneered at you in the hallway, promoted someone we all knew was selling pot to our customers and EEs, played favorites, hired a man to do HR who made comments about our breasts at the holiday party and then when we complained she put the gossip-queen of the office in charge of HR, oh yeah…and she approved illegal pay practices like refusing to pay overtime even though EEs were told to stay until work was finished!) But then I quit and moved to another state. Now I work at an awesome company (for literally 1/3 of my previous pay, in retail with long hours) and although I’m broke, I’m not stressed out everyday (only when my car payment is due). For that and other things I’m thankful. But mostly for the love of my life who is supporting us while I look for a better paying job.
I love crappy business books and probably will read them all.
To the person who told me not to swear and said that I know who they are — that’s just creepy, yo.
Also, fuck you for coming on my blog and telling me not to swear and acting like I know who you are but you don’t tell me who you are and I’m going to make you read through this entire rambling sentence because you are a fucking jerk. There you go.
I would hypothesize that the vast majority of people who read your blog do so, in part, because you swear (which is part of your awesomeness). So f%#$ them!
It always seems to be men who disapprove of women swearing. I don’t see why we should rein in our choice of words to fit some narrow-minded sterotype of how women should speak or act. Let’s all swear like sailors, down pints, and fart in public. (PS You first, I’m a repressed Brit!)
Oh – this isn’t a post to win the $50 – I’m just agreeing with Breanne.
I feel like I’ve come late to the party. Oh well, I’m over it.
Woohoo for contests about laziness!
The smell of bananas make me nauseous.
Family Guy is the funniest and smartest show on tv.
Methinks you should give the 50 to a local shelter and we all have a virtual hug and stiff drink.
I can’t sleep.
I’m getting so used to scolding the cat for climbing the tree that I heard her rustling and started yelling. Turns out she was licking her butt, but not near the tree. Oops.
I’m seriously excited about snow. I prefer that it cancel my p/t job tomorrow, but the jury is still out.
Thanks for the change in rules – I’m enjoying the random confessional aspect of this comment thread.
Snuggies are for people who do not know how to use a blanket. They are the perfect lazy gift.
AP did an article on Julian Leyzaola, public safety chief of Tijuana:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091220/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/lt_drug_war_police_cleanup_abridged
Suddenly, I feel grateful not to have HIS job.
Hmmmm… snuggies keep you warm when you poop. Thats the best reason ever to buy one.
Reading this site to try to figure out what to do with my career. I’m an “upwardly mobile late 20s something” and not happy with my job. Hopefully, I’ll find inspiration here to fix it.
I’m hoping to be the last person to reply to this post **LAST** so that it will influence you in chosing who wins. So my official post for the contest will be:
American Express is a Shit Company. They slashed my credit limit by about 75%. I’ve spent years building it up by being a good customer (paying on time and all that shit). Their reasoning is that they are cutting people’s credit limits so that they don’t overextend themselves. But this hurts me when I want to go buy a house and now the banks will look at me with a stink-eye. So I’m telling you that Amercian Express is a Shit Company. Actually, I’m telling everyone!
Oh how I wanted to write an essay on working for the anti-christ, the guy who wanted the truth unless the truth wasn’t good – than lie-lie-lie. When your boss tells you they are respected, and that they have good virtues – RUN, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!! OH and the slick way they take credit for all the good that is done by others and blame everyone else for their stupid errors! Lol this is very therapeutic.
How did I not find out about this until just now? Thank you @CincyRecruiter for posting this on Twitter. A contest I should be sure to win.
To all of you pansies trying to find ways to spell fuck without doing it, What The fuck? Serious, try it. I swear (literally and figuratively) it will set you free.
Caution, once you do it a habit may be created. I know I have tried to break it.
Let’s ante this up a bit and I hope Laurie is OK with it and if not she fucking asked for it.
An add on contest…
The best comment as judged by Laurie (or me) to use fuck as a noun, verb and adjective in one sentence.
Step up folks, step right up.
Dear Laurie – I am quite fond of submitting my opinion when I get a bee in my bonnet about something.
I work in healthcare and we are a not for profit business. There are sooo many things talked about in various HR communities that do not address our challenges. We don’t pay for performance. We hire mostly hourly employees. We hire a lot of union employees. We don’t make widgets. We don’t sell products per se. We fix people. We fix people with and without insurance. Our offered services are not always paid back.
I am tired of “head hunter” companies calling me all the time to help me recruit for Nurses cause they hear there is a nursing shortage. Well, as of today, there is no nursing shortage in our area. Nope. Not a problem. These “head hunters” typically have NO clue about healthcare because they all used to recruit for finance or technology. But now that there is a lot of press about the healthcare industry proving to stay strong during this economy (we have had lay offs too) the agencies are all over us. LEAVE ME ALONE! I’ll call you if I need you. Thanks.
Okay – That was just a mini rant. I can really go on if need be.
My basic complaint is the healthcare and the not for profit HR industry is under-represented in the blogosphere.
Thanks for having the contest. I hope I win.
What The Firetruck?!?!?!
I am posting this to see if comments take a while to post. I had a good one but do not see it here.
If I have to write that mother again there is going to be hell to pay…
In general, I really love being self employed, but there is one big drawback. My boss is an a$$hole and never gives me any time off.
Laurie you know I love you but your fucking blog ate my awesome comment so instead now you get this not quite as cool one.
That one was funny, this will be more of a rant.
What is it with you pansies? Trying to find creative ways to use the work. C’mon say it with me. Ready 3… 2… 1… Fuck
See? Not so bad.
How about we raise the ante on this contest. The best use of fuck in a sentence as a noun, verb and an adjective gets another $50 (donated by me) and I bow before them.
Any takers?
P.S. Hey Jennifer lucky for you the Kotex story was not known to me before you spoke to our Minneapolis group. I assure you it would have made for a glorious start to the morning. A missed opportunity for sure.
CONTEST IS OVER. STAY TUNED FOR THE WINNER.
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