Steve Boese is the HR Technology blogger and hosts the HR Happy Hour on Thursdays at 8PM ET. You can reach him via email, LinkedIn, Twitter or Facebook.
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Workplace Bathroom Etiquette
While Laurie is away attending another four day drinkfest important industry conference, I gladly offered to step in and maintain the important dialogue and focus on the most important issues in management, leadership, and career planning. I quickly realized that I had nothing insightful to offer on most of those topics and decided to focus on a pressing, compelling, and relevant issue — workplace bathroom etiquette.
Here are a few rules of the road to make sure your career, or at least that next promotion, does not get derailed in stall number two.
The Urinal Spacing Rule
In the men’s room, always choose the urinal that maximizes the distance between yourself, and anyone else in the bathroom or anyone that may enter following you. In a standard three-urinal configuration, always choose the end unit farthest away from the sink area. Nothing says uncomfortable more than walking in to the men’s room and seeing a sole user proudly occupying the middle urinal.
The Non-communication Doctrine
Under no circumstances should you attempt to communicate with anyone in the bathroom when you enter, or anyone that may follow you in. Small talk is always awkward. Small talk inside a corporate bathroom is creepy. Even non-verbal communication can get you into a heap of trouble. Go in, take care of your business, and get the hell out as fast as possible.
The Bathroom and the Boss
Do not follow your boss into the bathroom under any circumstances. If you do, and the boss engages you in bathroom conversation, you will forever be creeped out by the memory of important managerial interaction with your leader when someone’s pants were down. Wait for a more inviting situation like a long elevator ride, or never.
Reading Material
It is acceptable to bring reading material into the shared corporate bathroom. It is not acceptable to be seen bringing reading material into the bathroom. Slip the USA Today sports section inside one of those yellow inter-office envelopes before you head to stall number 2. Send out a message of ‘I am carrying essential information in here’, instead of the real message of ‘I am about to spend the next 32 minutes reviewing my fantasy football stats.’
Managing your career is hard. Screwing up your future by failing to follow the basics of workplace bathroom etiquette is tragic.
Oh — and wash your damn hands when you are done, and not just when someone else is in there with you.
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Washing the hands is important!
People (namely me) remember who DOESN’T wash…and then I tell lotsa other people!
I had a coworker start singing in the bathroom yesterday. It was a cringe worthy moment, to say the least.
An addendum to the non-communication doctrine:
In the event you see a member of the technical support team in the restroom, DO NOT seek support or check status of your existing issue.
Please.
The geeks are in there for the same reason you are, and they deserve to be left to do their business in peace.
Also a good rule of thumb for the men:
While it is perfectly acceptable in any NON-Work public restroom to stand at a urinal and state – “Damn! This Water is Cold”, this same practice is NOT acceptable at work.
I have to add on to Sherry’s comment above — just because you “finally tracked me down” does not give you license to go on and on about your poor self and your crappy job and how I need to help you figure out an EOB. I had to make a rule that if my pants are not firmly secured where they should be, I will not respond to you. Even if you are on fire, there is very little I can do under the circumstances and you will have to wait.
We currently have a coworker who mutters to herself in the hallway and ladies room. Should I be concerned with her overall well-being — or do I just pray that she isn’t in there when I make the trip down the hall?
Don’t forget cell phones! It’s creepy to hear someone carrying on a conversation on their cell phone in the bathroom. It’s especially creepy when you can hear the person on the other end of the bathroom conversation. It makes you think “hmmm…if I can hear them talking…they can hear me peeing…GAH.”
A man with experience, amen. Nothing says “rookie” more than to see the new “hot shot” in this environment and thinks he’s in the locker room at school, snapping towels at his buds. I wonder if the same rules of engagement apply in the women’s room, I think not. Seems a little more civilized in there with each commode being its own sanctuary.
Don’t forget the properly executed flush at the “right” time. I know you need it to happen, I don’t need to hear it.
Follow these rules, no matter what the situation: Some years ago, I was in the Milwaukee airport on Christmas Eve, waiting for my brother’s flight to arrive. I went into the men’s room; and while standing at the urinal (farthest one down–very improtant rule), in walks Chris Farley, and he assumes his spot at the other end of the urinals (these rules are universal). Of course, the Non-Communication Doctrine prevented me from saying anything, and I certainly wasn’t going to stand around waiting for him to finish (see no lingering rule). It was a shame that I was only a couple of feet away from the great Chris Farley, but neither of us could acknowledge each other’s existence. But these are rock solid rules, indeed!!
Then there is the Blackberry (or iPhone) Dunk – dropping that little ol’ life tool into the toilet at an inopportune time. Takes the phrase “hands free” to another level…
I agree with Sherry and Sarah – Too often I have people greet me in the bathroom for a psudo meeting – yikes! Seems like they wait in the stall and pop out the same time I do.
Some people just don’t follow the rules. I once had a rather over-worked/hyper-active coworker who walking up the urinal next to me (which, in this case, was okay as all the others were in use) proclaiming:
“peeing, what a waste of my time.”
In that same office we had a supervisor who had a well-deserved reputation for NOT washing his hands. Even, ALL the women in our office knew this about him.
I love your no-talking rule because I think it’s the opposite for women. The bathroom is the ONLY place we can have a quick girl-talk break away from all the men. (The breakdown in my office is about 70/30 men to women.)
Though I would add NO CRYING in the bathroom! For the occasional, PRIVATE meltdown, the bathroom is certainly the place to go. But hide in the stall and don’t sob. Just breathe until you pull yourself together.
But the bathroom should not be the spot for the weekly (or daily) “oh they’re so mean, I’m so abused, boo hoo” crap that gives women a bad name. I will run if any of those types enter the restroom.
It’s uncomfortable enough executing the “#2″ in other than your own private bathroom at home, let alone in a corporate restroom— but do I have to sh*t next to some idiot who spends 20 creepily quiet minutes on the john??? What in god’s name are you doing in there??— wait, I don’t want to know!! Get in, do it— and Get the Hell Out, Weirdo!!!
@Chris (1): Amen! I also tell & I refuse to shake hands with skanks who don’t wash theirs in the loo!
@MattyMat: What, you prefer those who do their business noisily? BTW, for the (hopefully) rare times you ever have to do #2 @work, hit another dept/floor. Eliminates potential awkwardness of facing your colleagues afterwards, especially if you had a noisy/smelly session.
The quiet person is waiting for you to finish pooping and leave (20 minutes? see a doctor). They are doing this, in many cases, as a kindness.
@Geekette Yes! Louder, the better– That’s the American way!! lol
@mouse I know people who’ve admitted to 1/2 hour or more– (usually the aftermath of a large mexican dinner) That’s where most people catch up on thier Vanity Fair, right?? And there’s quiet out of politeness— and just weird quiet like you’re hiding something. What’s that book “Everyone Poops” — get over yourself already.
Don’t wash your coffe cup in the bathroom. It grosses me out when you do this! Walk 10 more steps and do it in the kitchen with a scrubber and dish soap!
Please stick to the silence rule! There is nothing worse than being the HR in the bathroom and learning something that requires disciplinary action. Imagaine a statement that starts out, “During a visit to the office restroom,…”
@MattyMat: One acronym: IBS. When you get cold sweats, you’re dizzy, and you feel like your insides are tearing you up, I can promise you the other person would rather be resting on a flat surface.
Doctor’s response: “Drink more water, eat more fiber, manage your stress.” 3rd part was a lot easier after I finished with college.
recognizing my shoes in the stall next to you does not give you permission to acknowledge that you know I’m in there.
ugh. I hate that.
Thanks everyone for playing along and for furthering the advancement of our understanding of these important issues! Thanks very much to Laurie for letting me have a bit of fun on her fantastic blog.
“Wash your damn hands!” A very important rule. Amazing how many people, men and women, who do not. Gross, actually. Every office I have worked in knew who washed and who didn’t. It was a general topic of discussion among employees……especially during one of those dreaded pot luck employee luncheons. No matter how enticing someone’s homemade dish looked, if it was made by a non-washer, you avoided it like the plague. Ever wonder why so many employees ask, “Oh, who made that?” Get a clue.
I take issue with the acceptability of reading materials in the corporate bathroom. I once worked with a manager who would take personnel files in with him; revolting.
In my experience there are critical rules that need added:
1. Give a good look around before you even consider leaving the stall to make sure that EVERYTHING is in order. This means not leaving bodily fluids behind that may have to force me to provide blood borne pathogen training; Do not leave used monthly products on top of the receptacle that you are supposed to place these in – unwrapped!; and by no means should you leave a turd in that little area behind the seat and commode. (I hate to say this but all issues within a woman’s restroom of supposed professional women).
2. We provide toilet paper, your rear end is not that fragile that you should have to carry your own in every time you have to go – especially as a man! And if you find it necessary and appropriate to bring in reading material, make sure that it does not get put out to share with others when you are done.
3. No posting to Facebook while you are doing your business.
Hilarious post that every corporate worker should read! Thanks for sharing! I do think you could expand on a couple of other subjects, like the appropriate response or non-response that you should have when a fellow bathroom user has to make a courtesy flush (multiple times) or makes loud bodily noises.
And on the topic of the bathroom and the boss, watch this You Tube video of a terrible boss-employee bathroom exchange! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHKbc2gxi-8