As a Human Resources professional, I don’t expect a thank you note after an interview. Here’s a punk rock HR tip:

• Sending a thank you note has no bearing on whether or not you get a job. If you feel compelled to follow-up on our interview, please save a tree and send an email.

I operate differently as an aunt, a sister, and a cousin.

• If you don’t send a thank you note, you won’t get a gift on the following holiday.

Am I keeping score? You bet I am — and you’re on notice.

Every year, I set my alarm for 5:00 AM and get ready for door-busting deals.

Most years, I go back to bed and sleep until 10:00 AM. I suggest you do the same.

Here’s my best job-related advice: your kids don’t need more toxic toys from China. Get more sleep and keep your hard earned money, yo.

It’s a punk rock Thanksgiving around here with naps, bacon apple stuffing, and a poonchy cat [Emma] who is super-snuggly because everything smells like turkey.

more animals

If you are a Human Resources pro and you have to work, this weekend, tell us your story here. We want to know — is it really as bad as it seems to work in retail (or work anywhere?) on Black Friday?

I should have done my American duty on Black Friday and bought a doorbusting-webcam at Best Buy. If I had a webcam, I would have the ability to speak to the GOP candidates at the CNN YouTube debate on Wednesday.

I want to ask:

It’s a given that President Bush will never apologize to America for sending our troops into Iraq over false WMD claims. Do we (i.e., American citizens) owe our soldiers a collective apology for not following General Shinseki‘s advice and sending enough troops into Iraq in the first place? Do we owe them an apology for not sending more up-armored Humvees? How about a collective apology for the way we treat their mental health issues when they return from their extended and multiple tours of duty?

Anyone have a webcam I can borrow so I can submit my question to CNN? Should I atone for my un-American boycott of Black Friday and buy a webcam on Cyber Monday? (Every day is Cyber Monday when you’re unemployed!)

Next year, I’ll be smart like the guys I saw in the Target parking lot.

1. I’ll stand in line at 4AM.
2. I’ll get the latest toys and electronics.
3. When Target sells out of the latest & greatest stuff, I’ll resell those items to desperate consumers.
4. As a bonus, I’ll offer the original gift receipt.
5. Of course, I will charge a 20% handling fee.

I love America for its entrepreneurial spirit.

Get a little tryptophan and cheap wine in the bodies of most Americans and what you’ll get is a schmaltzy & oversimplified list of things that people are thankful for on the 4th Thursday of November.

How many people are honest when they give thanks around the dinner table? We’re all thankful for family, friends, and the plentiful harvest of Butterball turkeys and French’s Fried Onions. Does anyone ever admit to be thankful for the guilty pleasures in our lives?

1. I’m thankful that I married a man who knows how to save money so I can spend it.
2. I’m thankful that I live in a town with two Starbucks so I can go to both of them on a daily basis and maintain some level of anonymity.
3. I’m thankful that I found a woman who gives me great highlights. I wish I could see her more often.
4. I’m thankful that my parents did something right and raised me with a sense of compassion towards animals.
5. I’m thankful that I don’t have children who suck my checking account dry.
6. I am thankful for unemployment and the freedom to spend time writing about Human Resources instead of working in the field of HR.
7. I’m thankful that I have a nice car with satellite radio so I can listen to POTUS 08 and stay on top of the latest presidential news. I also like the heated seats.
8. I’m thankful that I’m not in Iraq, nor do I know anyone currently in Iraq or Afghanistan. As a related point: I’m thankful that we don’t have a draft in this country.
9. I’m thankful that my husband & I live in a town where the cost of living is really low.
10. I’m thankful that I live in a nice house with plenty of space for my books, my belongings, and my cats.

What? Does that seem selfish?! I am thankful for these conveniences in my life because I know that I am one of the lucky ones. So let me say thanks for cable TV and wicked-fast internet, and let me offer gratitude for things like my brand new dishwasher and my favorite purse.

The American version of Thanksgiving is a dysfunctional team building event for families & friends. There’s nothing worse than hearing sententious statements of gratitude from people who are total assholes most of the year.

Is it just me, or do most of us toss off a statement of gratitude around the dinner table because we feel compelled to say something nice to the people around us?

“I’m thankful for this overcooked turkey and this really awful opportunity to spend time with the people I love who traumatized me as a child. Now let’s binge eat!”

(Do I hear kumbaya in the background?)

Thanksgiving reminds me of Corporate America at its worst — everyone pins their hopes on one day where the pettiness stops and we hope that our relatives & friends respond to the appeal to our ‘better selves’.

Unfortunately, our better selves usually don’t emerge for very long and everything goes back to normal on Black Friday.

If you’re going to express gratitude, this Thanksgiving, I’m challenging you to be honest. Tell me what you’re most thankful for and don’t lie to me. I’m appealing to your most authentic & honest selves out there.

Update: HR Wench accepted the challenge!

There is no job worse than a retail job. That’s not only a punk rock fact — it’s a real fact.

Want to do society a favor? Participate in National Buy Nothing Day on November 23rd.

Can you do it? (I’m not sure that I can…)