The winners of the Punk Rock HR Advice contest [based on random numbers generated on a website] are Tracy Tran, Lisa Wallace, and Apollo.

Unfortunately, Apollo is disqualified because he doesn’t like this contest.

I’m giving his box of swag to Bonita Martin who likes chocolate.

Please email your address to yo@punkrockhr.com and I’ll send your boxes right away.

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What’s in the boxes of swag? Well, each one is a little different.

1. Shirts from I Hate People and Snag a Job.
2. A set of *unused* Bliss products from The W Hotel.
3. Books: I Hate People, How To Wow, Amazing Adventures of Working Girl, Anti 9-5 Guide.
4. Pack of Hall’s cough drops (unopened) that I bought but realized that I don’t like the flavor.
5. Bags of chocolate from Totally Chocolate.
6. $10 Game Play Card from the nice guys at the Dave & Busters booth.
7. Calculators from ADP — so you can calculate out how much you’re getting fleeced by your employer.
8. Walking doctor toy tchotchke from Concentra.
9. More chocolate from See’s Candies.
10. Tote bags from Halogen and The National Conference Center.
11. Duck from Aflac.
12. Mug and gum from The RightThing.
13. Lip balm and hand sanitizer from Careerbuilder.
14. Brain pen from Vertical Screen.
15. Pens from Monster.
16. Notepad from Levengers.
17. Potato Chip bag clips from VPI.
18. I Love HR beads [as modeled by Emma, above] from SHRM.

Is that enough crap for you?

The winner of the HR: Career Options contest is Mary Ellen Slayter.

She recommends that anyone interested in a career in Human Resources check out a blog post by Lance Haun. That’s awesome advice because Lance’s post is genius.

Ms. Slayter, who is a former career advisor with The Washington Post, wins a $25 gift card to Starbucks. I can deliver it to her when we see one another in New Orleans. Hooray!

Sorry to kill the suspense with the title of the post, but I recognize that you might not want to watch a video where I announce the winner.

I haven’t had any coffee, yet, and I should probably change out of my pajamas.

[Thanks, Random.org, for being an awesome site.]

Here are the winners — announced in a quick vlog, in a poorly lit room, and while wearing my pajamas. Awesome.

Oh, I drop the f-bomb so it’s probably not sufficient for work, yo.

Tracy and Sal, please send me your addresses and I’ll mail your books!

What are you doing? Tell me and you could win a prize!

We have a gas grill and had plans to make chicken wings until we discovered that finches are living in the grill — with babies. I made Ken buy a little Weber charcoal grill to use until the babies are born and out of the nest. Could be a month.

Hey, guys. It’s Sunday and I am back from a sweaty morning at the gym. I hate wellness plans and I resent fitness regimens; however, I hate it when I’m out of breath after scooping cat litter. I switched gyms and I am back on a regular routine where I go to the gym and still eat whatever I want. This includes onion rings. We’ll see how it works out.

I made a vlog to annoucne the winners of the Punk Rock HR Blog Changes & Contest. Check it out on the right column. I’m not sure when it will appear — but it will be there at some point after it feeds over from YouTube.

For those of you who don’t care about my poorly produced vlog that is shot in bad light in my kitchen — and the one where I have crazy hair and I’m wearing a sports bra and a cardigan sweater because I’m classy like that — the winners are DJ Waldow and Tim Moerke, both of whom I know personally. They win copies of Can I Wear My Nose Ring to the Interview?

Happy Sunday to the rest of you suckers who didn’t win. I highly recommend you call in sick, tomorrow. It’s Monday. Go do something productive.

I asked you to give me your best title for a business book and the contest was close.

The winner is Play for Team Awesome! Why Being Passionate About What You Do Matters.

I’m not sure it does matter if you are passionate about what you do, butCreative Chaos Consultant had me with team awesome. Here are some of the other great entries.

1. Cluster F**k: How Critical Decisions are Made and Unmade During Periods of Change – Ken Nessing
2. Yo! You Listening to Me? Tools for Talking When Stakes are High –Lihsa
3. Pucker Up! A Beginners Guide to Opening Doors by Kissing Ass –hrringleader
4. Pass the Trash: How to Spinelessly Rid Yourself of Undesirable Subordinates through Transfers & Promotions. – HRputer
5. So I’m on Unemployment, Now what? – Michael VanDervort
6. Laid Off: The Lonely Planet Guide to staying at Home on $8 a day –Michael VanDervort
7. And then there was only me – The story of where leadership can take you and where you really want to go. – sage9
8. And then they all walked out – losing it all, lacking it all, stories from the top. – sage9
9. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall – who is the most authentic of them all? Authentic leadership and business growth. – sage9
10. How Wall Street destroyed Capitalism – RHHR
11. Career Development – One Gig at a Time – RHHR
12. OK We Riffed 20% of the Workforce – Now What? – RHHR
13. Unstuck Yourself – How to Stay Free of Craporate America’s Title Trap and Make Real Progress — KG
14. The Deregularization of America – How deregulation screwed up the economy. – Tracy Tran
15. Grow Up or Get Over It – Why Great HR Leaders Offend Everybody At Least Some of The Time. – FrannyO
16. Cubed: A Beginner’s Guide to Hating Your First Job – Shawn
17. Smile and Nod or Flip the Bird and Leave: When to take a stand and when to stand back. – pussified
18. I Wasn’t Even Supposed to BE Here Today!!! – pussified
19. Trickster Talent – How Change Agents Really Work – Linda
20. Destroyed: A Memoir of life in Corporate America – HR Chick
21. Congratulations! You got the corner office… Now, welcome to hell. – HR Chick
22. Pollyanna Was A Whore: Dealing With Reality At Work – Jackbuilt
23. Working for the Man and Some Alternatives: Own Your Career –Linda
24. Guess what you are not special! A book about real worklife. –Rampancy
25. The HitchHikers Guide to HR or Creative Wisdom. – RMSJr
26. I’ve Paid My Dues – Stoutcat
27. Leave Me the Hell Alone and Get Somebody Else, I’ve Got Real Work To Do – Stoutcat
28. No rips, tears, or acid wash – How HR saves the world one Jeans Day at a time – Human Resources Pufnstuff
29. You can’t say No without HR – Human Resources Pufnstuff
30. Provocative Declaration about the End of Something: Followed by a long string of blather after the requisite colon – Steve Boese
31. Darth Vader’s Guide to the Dark Side & Principled Management – jeff madison
32. Talent is Overrated! – John March
33. Golden Showers: A Trickle-Down Theory for a Piss-Poor Economy – J. Todd
34. Even When You Don’t See the Moose on the Table, You Can Still Smell the Poop – T. Gardner
35. Corporate Koolaid and Watercooler Whines – Chris Havrilla

*

Literary agents have been known to visit this site, so I hope someone from this list gets published. In the meanwhile, I  Creative Chaos Consultant should send me his address so I can mail out a copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.

I’d like to give you a copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.

I want to know one thing. If you could write a business book, what would you call it?

Leave your title in the comments section. Funniest or wittiest title will win a copy of the book. I’ll announce the winner on Monday!

The winner of the fashion-disaster-at-work competition came down to two candidates.

• Jennifer — who lactated through her shirt.
• Zoe — who wore a short dress, no underwear due to her period, and flashed her coworkers.

Both are exceptional candidates, but there can only be one winner. I’m choosing Zoe. Here is her entry.