and

Watch the extra cologne. This is for you Gen y guys who think more is better. It’s not.

People who travel with young children, and the apes who work for TSA, have a special place in hell reserved for them.

@China I know, I know. I love to travel, too. I don’t blame TSA. I blame people who can’t get on the TSA website before traveling to get informed.

@Tina Snap that’s a good one!

How about the schmuck who has a seat in the back puts his luggage in a compartment in the front, so when I, who received my seat assignment in advance, board the plane have to put my luggage in the back because the front compartments are all full and then watch the schmuck pass me while grabbing his luggage above me while exiting the plane because I can’t get to the back to grab my luggage with everyone standing in the aisle. Ahh. I know that was a huge run-on sentence, but I needed to get it all out in one breath! I just want to trip those people!

However. TSA needs to do a couple of things:
1) set up an infrequent traveler line at the security check points. Don’t understand the 3 ounce/1 quart plastic bag drill? Over to the infrequent traveliner line at once. “Do I really have to take off my shoes, belt, jacket, etc.?” Off to the infrquent traveler line for you, too. 2) set up a family line at the security check point. Strollers? Family line. Kids in diapers? Family line. Dad can’t find all 5 boarding passes for the wife and 3 kids? Family line. Let those two groups of travelers hold each other up and let those of us who know what we’re dong and have the check point line dance down to a science get on with it.

I’d even go as far as having family sections on airplanes — and I do not mean the first 4 rows behind the bulkhead — I mean the last 4 rows of the airplane! That would let the rest of us get our work done, read, sleep after our long work day, or have quiet, appropriate conversations with our seatmates.

I really do love to travel. Because there’s always someone interesting (or in my current situation LOTS of interesting someones) at the other end. If we could just work out this security check point thing it would be wonderful!

1. If you are in the left hand lane and not driving at least 5 mph over the speed limit, get out of the way and don’t make me pass on the right.

2. Don’t be the schmuck who waits until the last second to merge onto an exit, or merge into reduced lanes when there are construction. If there is a backup/delay, and you are bypassing all those people who are waiting in line, I am not letting you in.

But people that don’t know how to use escalators plague my daily commute. It’s really F***ing simple, people: hand hover, step, then grab. And for the love of left handed jesus do not stop moving the instant you get off: the tiles behind you keep dumping people off, INTO YOU if you stand there with your thumb in your ear.

And lady with a stroller? Kid out, Elevators to the left, or Child Protective Services for you. No exceptions. Giant Jogging Stroller? Elevator only, Kthxbubbuy.

@adowling I’ve never smoked. If I get lung cancer, it will be from sitting next to one of those dudes on a plane.

@Jessica #1 Yes. #2 Yes. Boy you are 100% tonight!